Then, There was You
by foreverdreamingx
Summary: REWORK/REWRITE (As of January 2018) When Christian Grey sets his eyes upon an alluring, poised, desirable, and mysterious woman... Has he met her before or can looks alone be deceiving? Slightly AU. OOC. No cheating. HEA.
1. Chapter 1- Prologue

_I do not have any ownership of the original characters; they belong to E.L. James. Any new characters are mine._

 **Please read:** **This story ISN'T for everyone, there will be mentions of abuse, self-harm, and rape. I know some people are sensitive to certain subjects, and I fully understand! You don't have to read! I will always put a trigger warning in an A/N before the chapter. Anywhoo, I'm taking my characters down a different path, and it won't be all hearts and flowers! There's a good amount of history between my two characters, and while you read... it will definitely get confusing. But, rest assured... you WILL get answers as you continue to read. Patience is key! Thank you all for giving me a chance to share this story :)**

 **Possible Trigger Warning:** This chapter contains abuse and mention of rape. (But, no actual rape happening.)

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Chapter 1 - Prologue

 ** _APOV_**

 _Dear Diary,_

 _We're starving and so thirsty. It's been about a day and a half since we've had our last meal and any water. Mama is never home, and when she does come home, she's always with papa. I don't know why they won't feed us; we're just hungry. My tummy keeps grumbling and I know I'm not the only one. Maybe if I go out there and ask her for at some something to drink, she will give us at least a clean glass of freshwater to share._

 _xxx xxx_

" _Mama! Mama! Mama, please help me! I just wanted some water!" I try to scream, but there is no answer, my words come out hoarse and barely above a whisper. My throat is so dry from the lack of water and I silently cry because he just keeps on kicking me with his foot when I'm already down._

" _Get up bitch! This is what you get for asking for your mother! I told you not to bother us when I'm home; you know what happened last time! It seems like you didn't learn your fucking lesson, little girl!" He yells at me._

" _I-I-I'll scream and call the cops!" I tell him but deeply regret it afterward._

 _He pushes me roughly against the wall while his body is pinning me onto the wall, his face is just a couple of inches away from my mine, I can smell his breath which is strong of cigarette smoke. Gross._

" _Go ahead and give it a try, little girl. As you can see, there are no phones in this damned house. So, if you want to call the cops, you can't. But, even if you did try, I'll kill you so quick that you wouldn't even be able to blink before it happens. If you scream, I'll gag you. Got it?" I flinch at his words and just nod._

" _Good little girl, I think I haven't made myself clear enough! It's time that you get what you deserve!" He roars and steps away just a couple more inches away from me._

 _I hear him unbuckle his belt from his pants and I know what's coming._

 _He starts to whip me over and over again even the belt buckle hitting my skin every couple of whips. After each whip of the belt to my skin, it begins to get unbearable and I want to scream out in agony. But I won't give this sadistic fucker the pleasure of my screams. Each whip is harder than the last and the belt buckle pierces through my skin with every lash. No doubt he's broken my skin and I'm profusely bleeding, but he doesn't even care. He gets pure joy inflicting pain on me like he always does. This isn't the first time that he's hit me with the belt, but this has to be the worst! I was just thirsty and wanted some water, but he was busy putting a needle in my mom's arm when I interrupted them._

 _After 30 lashes to my sensitive skin, I lay on the ground curled up in a ball hugging myself and shaking. He walks towards me then roughly takes a hand full of my hair in his hand and pulls hard so that I'm looking up at him eye to eye._

 _"Now that I think you've learned your lesson… Who's going to be a good little girl and strip for daddy?" he says with a malicious smirk on his face._

" _St-strip? You mean you want me to ta-ta-take my clothes off?" I stutter._

 _He's never asked me to do this before. Usually, when he's done with my brutal punishments, he'll leave me to tend to myself._

" _Yes bitch, I want you to strip! Did I stutter? When I demand you to do something, you do it. Immediately." He eyes say looking me straight in the eyes._

 _I know that I absolutely don't want to strip for him because I know the blood from his punishment will no longer be absorbed by my clothes. I don't have many shirts left. But, it looks like I have no choice. Plus, these aren't the only scares from him… cigarette burns. Fucking cigarette burns. I have three of them lined up on each of my inner thighs, four on each wrist, four on each shoulder, and six on my chest._

 _When I look at my body, I look at it in disgust and horror! He made me ugly. He made my body unrecognizable. He made me fear to look at myself in the mirror. But I need to do this; I need to take care of my sisters and keep them safe... I would never subject them to the pain and agony that I go through; I could never live with myself if anything happened to them. My shit of a mother never gave a care in the world about us; why she brought us into this world, I have no idea. But, I will do everything and anything to protect my little sisters._

 _Even if that's extra lashes to the belt, extra cigarette burns to my body and being emotionally, physically and mentally abused. I'll take it all for them._

 _So I stand up and strip, I take my dirty clothes off, place them on the ground, take my arms, and hug myself to guard my body while standing straight. I feel so exposed. So uncomfortable. So dirty._

 _While I'm standing there, I hear a loud cry coming from the other room. Oh no, Elizabeth is crying. She must be hungry or just waking up. I pick my clothes up off the floor immediately and try to cover my body as best as I could._

" _Uh, uh, uh little girl… what do you think you are doing? I was admiring the work of art I did to your body and you try to cover it up just from the noise of a cry? Put the clothes down now!" He yells at me while moving his pointer finger left and right._

" _Please just let me go to her. Please!" I beg._

" _Did I tell you to answer back to me? Put those clothes on the ground now or I'll get that little bitch and have her taste the lashes of my belt too." He smirks._

" _No! Please don't! I'll do what you want!" I throw the clothes on the floor and stand there awkwardly._

 _I'm hoping the cries of our youngest sister, Elizabeth wakes Kate up so th_ _at they can tend to whatever she needs. I think I have some crackers hidden in our closet. I hope we have just something, anything because I know Elizabeth is probably just hungry._

 _He snaps his fingers and eyes me up and down, then looks me straight in the eyes with a hint of amusement. I shudder at the thought of the things he plans on doing to me, but I try to remain emotionless. He stands up and unbuckles the buttons and pulls down the zipper of his jeans; standing before me._

" _Let me show my little girl what papa does to your mama every. single. night." He grits out._

 _He pulls me by the hair and forces me straight onto the bed._

 _My face is being held down to the bed with his forceful hand._

" _No, no please papa. Don't do this." I beg._

 _With his other hand, he takes a condom out and rolls it on him._

" _I can make you feel unimaginable things, baby girl. Just wait and see." He whispers._

 _I hear him unzip his jeans and the sound of him opening up a packet is in my ear._ _Next thing I know his dick is right at the entrance of my pussy and just as he is about to push my mother comes stumbling in interrupting him._

" _Honey, I need another hit. Please give me another hit."_ _He looks up and smiles._

" _Sure love." He replies back._ _He quickly lets me go, gets up and pulls his pants up._

 _I'm silently crying and thanking God that he did not just rape me._ " _Thank you, God, thank you, God, thank you." I silently say._

 _He takes my mother by her arm and pulls her into their room, no doubt about to do what he had just done to me and supplying her with more drugs._ _She really went with him without questioning what he was doing to me in that position. She really doesn't care. How pathetic of me to even think she would care._

 _I close my eyes and lay there for what feels like hours…. Alone. I feel so alone. Dead. I feel so dead inside. I cry because my mom does nothing to stop this abuse. I cry because I want a better life for my siblings and I. I cry because I'm stronger than this, but he's broken me down. Broken. I feel useless and utterly broken. Nothing, I no longer feel anything._

 _I slowly begin to pick up my things and crawl to the room where I share a twin-sized bed with my siblings. I open the door and look up and what I see breaks my heart... Kate in consoling my twin sister, Elizabeth in her arms while they are in the corner of the room. I close the door behind me, sit in the middle of the small room, and look at my siblings; their blue eyes are looking back at me with puffiness, which tells me they've been crying. I can't help but try and put a strong face on for them. I open up my arms, motion for them to come towards me, and they run into me throwing their arms around me so tightly which causes us to drop to the floor. I wince in pain from the belt lashes. But the love I have for them has no bounds; I will endure pain for them even if that means I'm broken down physically. We just lay there after everything that has happened._

 _My mind takes me back to the night I'll never forget. It's when I saw him throw a few kicks to Elizabeth's side a couple of years ago…_

 _I nearly lost it and tried to attack him. My attack was useless because he pushed me so hard that I hit the wall with a loud thud and ended up with a pounding headache. My trying to intervene resulted in Elizabeth getting subjected to more blows to the stomach and back. Seeing my younger sister in pain broke my heart. After she was done with her beating, I laid right next to Elizabeth trying to console her because she was breaking out in sobs and hugging herself. I carried her to the bedroom and put her on the bed where Kate was sleeping. That night I vowed that my he will never lay a finger on my sisters, even if that means he has to lay a finger on me._

 _I'm brought back to the now when Kate tries to wiggle her way out of three-way hug but, I continue to hug my sibling's so tight remembering that night. To be subjected to go through the things we've gone through at such an age was never what I expected for myself and my siblings. I always thought our mom loved us; my mind wanders back to a time where she smiled, laughed, cared, fed and clothed us. It all changed because of him. Now all the good things about my mom seem like such a distant memory._

 _I will try my hardest to be there for Kate and Elizabeth even if it's just us three for the rest of our lives and we live on the streets. I wish our daddy were here; I know he'd protect us. But sadly, he's gone…._

 **This is where I draw my strength. This is whom I fight for every single day. I pray to God that we get out of this situation. My sisters are my life and I will protect them no matter the cost.**

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 _Author's' note_ : _Let me clarify a couple of things: Yes, Christian and Ana do share a very similar past. How they choose to cope with their past, we will have to wait and see. I decided for Ana to have siblings mainly because I needed her to draw strength from somewhere. All will be revealed in due time._

Abuse is **not** the easiest thing to go through whether that be physical, psychological, sexual, substance, etc. All forms of abuse even if received in the "slightest" form **is** abuse. Just like abuse, there are many forms of rape. If someone says **no** , just put means **no.**

Don't forget to leave a review and share your thoughts with me. x


	2. Chapter 2-Being Saved and First Meetings

**VERY IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE BELOW! PLEASE READ IT! THANK YOU :D**

Thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed and reviewed my story! You guys are awesome! Keep it coming; it keeps me going.

 _Special thank you to my amazing bestie OhCathy for the overwhelming support and love you've shown me! I honestly couldn't have done this without you, you are amazing! Never forget it!_

I know the first chapter was somewhat challenging to read, trust me, it was hard to write! But the worst is over... for now! Hehe.

The main question I've received is: Will Christian Grey be saving them? You'll soon find out!

Enjoy, loves.

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Chapter 2 - Being Saved and First Meetings

 _"You're always one decision away from a totally different life."_

 _ **APOV**_

A couple of weeks later, after the last brutal encounter with papa, things have gone back to how they were. Mama and papa being gone for hours on end, and us just staying home alone with no food or water.

Having no food or water in the house day in and day out, my last resort was to always look in trash cans. But, I couldn't ever get that far. But I have to I think to myself. I quickly put some clothes on and try going through our neighbors' garbage, in hopes of finding anything to feed my sisters and I. They both have been grumpy since we woke up and there was nothing to eat.

 _So am I sisters, so am I._

Little did I know, with that act, I'd be saving our lives.

Later in the afternoon, we hear many voices outside the front door. Who's here? Suddenly, footsteps are barging into our dirty home. We instantly bolt into the bedroom, because we heard them coming in. I, immediately, stand directly behind it with my back to it. I quietly tell my sisters to hide in the closet, until the coast is clear.

A soft knock at the door startles all three of us, mainly me. But, the woman's kind voice fills the small room.

"Hello, sweetheart? Come on out; you don't have to hide. No one here is out to hurt you." _Who is that?_

That voice definitely doesn't sound like mamas. I hesitate. What if this is all a lie? What if this is a joke to lure us out of this room? What if he just wants to beat me again? I turned around slowly and asked through the closed door. "W-Who are you?"

"Sweetheart, it's Adela Trevelyan, and I am your neighbor. You don't remember me?" She asks, kindly.

I'm not used to people being so kind to me, or even hearing a kind voice in my presence. But, I don't remember her, well, not really. I rarely go outside, and when I do, it's when no one else is out.

"Honey, we saw you go through our garbage earlier this morning through our cameras. We noticed the condition you are in. Come out sweetheart; we aren't out to hurt you. We just want to help you." She says in a calm tone.

I don't answer for a few moments.

"O-okay," I answer shakily, but I agree.

Kate and Elizabeth are peeking their heads out of the closet, and I usher for them to come out and stay in the corner.

Once I open the door, Adela puts her hands over her mouth, and a few tears fall from her eyes.

 _Why is she crying?_

"Oh honey, are you okay? Are these your siblings? Are you hurt?" She asks with tears rolling down her face.

"Yes." is all I say. I don't know who this elderly woman is so; I won't divulge them with any more information.

"Theo, dear, take a look at the darling girls!" She calls a man, and he comes over.

I quickly run towards my siblings and hug them tight. Theo? That's a man's name, and I'm terribly fearful of being around men. Especially, men that I don't know.

I see the man standing there at the door with Adela.

"Is it okay if we come into the room?" She asks, softly.

I shake my head no. So, they stay at the door. I don't know these people, and I don't want to put my sisters in any unnecessary danger. I wouldn't be able to protect them.

"Sweethearts, I'm Theodore, but everyone calls me Theo. This is my wife, Adelina, but everyone calls her Adela. Can you tell me what your names are?" The man asks, curiously.

I stand up and step forward right in front of my sisters, essentially guarding them. I don't know these people. But for some reason, I feel one thing I haven't felt in a long time, safe. Is it weird to feel this way with two strangers you just met? The sincerity and slight pleading they are showing in their eyes and how they didn't approach after I said no... make me feel like maybe they're safe to talk to.

"I..I'm Anastasia, but you can call me Ana. This is my twin sister Elizabeth, who likes to be called Ellie. This is our sister Katherine, who likes to be called Kate." I point to each of them, introducing ourselves.

"Hello, Ana, Elizabeth, and Kate." Theo waves with a smile on his face.

"If you young ladies are up for it, we've brought you some food and water, that is... if you guys are hungry? Why don't we go outside to the living room? How does that sound? Just don't mind the police roaming around, they aren't here to hurt you." Theo offers.

 _Police? Why are the police here?_

I don't know what awaits us in the living room, but by Theo's demeanor, I have a feeling that he would not put us in harm's way. I look at my sisters and get all the confirmation I need. I know they're starving. It's been a couple of hours since our last meal and having some food in their system wouldn't hurt. Right? I look back at Theo and Adela, and I nod. We follow them out into the living room and sit down across from them, while there are police walking around our house. What are they doing here?

After a small conversation, Adela offered us some warm clothes to dress up in. I have no doubts that through the dirty, messed up clothes we are all wearing; she can see all of my scars. I'm glad they chose not to ask how I got them, but I see them looking at my wrists from time to time. Living next door was a significant advantage for them and... us. They didn't have to go far to provide us with the things they wanted to. They also offered for us to have dinner with them, and we all agreed with small smiles on our faces. We don't fully trust them yet, but they haven't really given us any reason not to. They lead us out into our driveway, where a white SUV is out front. We all enter the vehicle and drive away from our home.

You can say that after that dinner with Theo and Adela Trevelyan, we felt one thing we never thought we would, _hope._

They took us out to dinner, and we ate like we've been starving for weeks. Which is true. Mama and Papa never fed us full meals. They always went out to eat and left us with scraps from their leftovers, that I had to share with my sisters. We talked, but nothing too much about our parents or what went on in our house. They mostly asked us about our interests and ourselves. Although we did not have much human contact with others, we still had interests. It was the first time we enjoyed dinner... in years. Theo explained to us about the situation back at our house and how it's not safe to go back. We all agreed. They've invited us to stay at their vacation home, which was about two hours away.

Arriving at their vacation home, we felt one thing that we haven't felt in a long time…

 _Safe._

 _Finally._

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, back at home**_

Awaiting them at home, the police could not believe that those children, actually survived under these living conditions. They want to make sure that their parents receive the maximum jail time for severe neglect, blatant abuse, malnourishment, and deplorable living situations. That wasn't all. They also found an ample amount of drugs hidden in the master bedroom, and for them to have them in the presence of children, that will add up to their time in jail.

As mama and papa pull up in the driveway, they get the shock of their lives.

* * *

 _ **At the Trevelyan's vacation home**_

Theo and Adela's daughter, Doctor Grace Trevelyan-Grey, was there waiting for us. Theo and Adela mentioned that she wanted us to be examined to make sure medically, we were okay. She looked like an angel with blonde hair and white lab coat.

I was the first to be examined, and all was going well until she began looking over my scars. That was the first time I ever reacted badly to someone touching my scars, mainly because I'm the one who usually touches them or my sisters. I know she was only trying to make sure they weren't infected, but I lashed out so bad. I think I may have given her a black eye. I felt so badly for what I had done. I was so sure that she would tell Theo and Adela and send us away. But, Dr. Grace Grey came back a few moments later, and while I tried to apologize, she was not having any of it.

"No need to worry darling, I know what you've experienced first hand. I understand." She told me. Really? She understands? How?

She gave me some ointment for my wounds, took my hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze for reassurance. I nodded and walked out of the bedroom with guilt heavy in my heart for what I had done. But, I was relieved because she didn't push further, and didn't ask how or when I got all these scars.

* * *

 _ **6 months later**_

While spending our time with the Trevelyans, who took us in, since we had nowhere to go. We were shown more love, care, and compassion than we ever had in our lives. They decided to sell the house that they lived in, right next door to ours, and continue to live in the vacation home so that we could feel safe.

I have never been more grateful for being alive and well until they took us in. Living through the hell we did wasn't ideal, but I'm starting to believe that now it was all worth it. Theo and Adela offered us to stay with them, as long as we needed.

During the six months of living with them, we slightly became a little bit more social. Especially, Kate and Ellie, but we still had a fear of strangers. I wasn't at all surprised that Kate and Ellie were able to adjust fairly quickly. I was always timid. But, I became a bit more withdrawn and wasn't nearly as outgoing, like them. While they were able to make friends with the neighbors, I wasn't. I would always have my face hidden behind a book and read outside in the garden.

That is until I saw the most beautiful boy who would come once a week to work on the Trevelyan's garden. Every time I would be outside reading, I would see him mowing the lawn, tending to Adela's roses, or watering the other plants. I'd become so shy and would run into the house, even though I did not want to. Why would I react this way? I'm afraid of the opposite sex, particularly strangers.

That didn't stop me from seeing him every week working in the garden. I became entranced by his beautiful eyes and face. Never had I ever been attracted to the opposite sex before. Never have I spoken to one either, besides Grandpa Theo, Eamon and Ethan Kavanagh, and Carrick Grey on rare occasions when they'd visit.

So I'd watch him, without saying anything more than "hi."

xxx xxx

One Friday afternoon, I was reading a book from Adela's library and sitting on the bench in the garden. It was a beautiful day out, and he was now trimming the roses. I would usually pretend to focus on the page I was on, but really I would occasionally peek up and take a look at him tending to the red roses.

As I continued to "read," he came up to me and handed me the most beautiful red rose.

"A red rose for a beautiful girl, Rose." He said while bowing.

I blushed profusely and only nodded, he called me Rose. I was completely speechless. No words could describe how he made me feel at this moment.

 _Beautiful._

I knew that Grandpa Theo and Grandma Adela told the staff our names, but I had no idea she told them our full names. There he was with his voice sounding like pure honey, calling me Rose. I'm usually vigilant about my surroundings, but I didn't feel fear as he was approaching me. Strange.

A few weeks have passed, and every Friday he would hand me a red rose.

I would purposely read outside in the garden, even if the weather wasn't the best so that we could have that small bit of interaction. He made me feel... special. Who knew, you could feel this way by someone just handing you something, as simple as a red rose.

I have spoken to Kate and Ellie about it many times, and they tell me to go for it. But, I always refused because with all my fucked up issues, who would really want a girl like me?

xxx xxx

Today, it's different. I'm sitting on the bench in the garden, and I haven't seen him all morning long.

Where could he be? I think to myself.

I began to wonder if he no longer thought I was beautiful, or he didn't want to see me.

I've been in the garden all morning feeling anxious and mostly embarrassed. Inevitably, someone that handsome wouldn't go for someone like me? Maybe this was a big charade.

Inwardly, I'm panicking and thinking so negatively. Outwardly, I'm trying to remain as cool as a cucumber, like it doesn't affect me at all. I'm just a girl in the garden reading a book. I remind myself. But, as I'm walking away from the bench, in tears, I hear his voice call out for me. He runs up to me and stops me from going any further.

"I'm sorry that I'm late! I decided to stop by the market before I came here and brought you these." He takes his hands from behind his back and presents me with a beautiful bouquet of purple roses.

"You are as beautiful as any color, size, or shape of any form of roses, my Rose." Swoon.

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. Oh did he have a way with words. Taking the bouquet from him, our fingers just barely touch each other, and I feel a jolt of electricity humming through my whole arm.

"Thank you," I whisper and then sit down on the bench just adoring the purple roses.

For months, this has been going on. He'd give me a rose. We'd have conversations while he was working. Sometimes, I'd read to him right here in the garden, which he enjoyed immensely. He made me feel somewhat normal. _Is this what normalcy felt like?_ I never indulged in sharing too much of my past, even though he's given me a little bit of his. He never pushed me to talk to him. He never tried to touch me inappropriately, and I never felt fear being around him. His small gestures meant so much to me. I wonder if he feels the same way that I feel when he's around. Alive. Normal. Wanted. I love how he makes me feel. I...

 _I love him._

Love? Is that what I'm feeling? Love? I quickly dismiss those thoughts.

* * *

 _ **Another six months later**_

Eamon and Claire Kavanagh were close friends of Grace and Carrick Grey, and possibly one of the nicest people we've ever met. They would visit us with their son Ethan when Grace and Carrick came.

Upon getting to know Eamon and Claire more, we learned some heartbreaking news. Claire was in a horrible car accident years ago. When she woke up a couple of weeks later (which was a miracle), Eamon and Claire got the bad news. Due to her severe injuries, she would never be able to bare another child again. They were so happy they had Ethan, but they always wanted more. To me, they seemed like good, honest people. I do not doubt their ability to nurture and care for a child.

I know they were aware of the little situation we were in, but they never looked at us with pity in their eyes, but with understanding.

So, surprisingly, after these past six months of getting to know them; Eamon and Claire are choosing to adopt us... all three of us! Together! I am so happy with the decision, because we adore Eamon and Claire, as they do us. At first, I was very reluctant about Ethan. Because, he was a couple of years older than us, and he was a boy. But, when they'd visit he never gave me a creepy feeling and certainly never crossed my boundaries. So, I grew comfortable being around him.

Having to leave Tennessee to Seattle is proving to be difficult. Because, leaving the presence of Theo and Adela is possibly the most challenging thing, ever. They are the kindest hearted people we've ever met. They saved us. My sisters and I will forever be grateful for what they've done for us.

Sadly, I would also be leaving the man I'd probably only ever love or be close to.

xxx xxx

It's the morning of our departure, and we are meeting one last time in the Trevelyan's garden to say our goodbyes. He decides that we should take a quick adventure, and have one last read. I agree, and we go through the Trevelyan's garden.

The area he chose is lovely. It's a field with tons of grass, trees, and roses surrounding us. We're laying on the grass, without a care in the world, and I'm reading him one of the classics.

I decide that it's time to tell him that I'll be leaving. "Trevor, I've got something to tell you," I say nervously, putting my book down.

"What is it, Rose?" He asks with curious eyes.

I bite my bottom lip because I feel so nervous... how will he take this? "Please don't bite your lip, Rose. Tell me, what is it?" He takes his thumb and brushes it lightly over my bottom lip, prying it away from my teeth.

"We're moving," I blurt out, and he doesn't say anything for a few moments.

"When are you leaving?" He asks with his voice sounding so sad.

"Today," I tell him, and a tear slips from my eye. "The Kavanagh's are adopting us. Can you believe this Trevor? They're adopting all three of us!" I say happily, but I don't know why I feel anything but.

"I'm happy for you and your sisters, Rose." He tells me, and I can hear the sadness in his voice, "wherever you go, always remember that I'm always with you, Rose." He hands me one last red rose; it's beautiful, I think. He grabs my hand and plants a lingering kiss on it. "Promise me," He whispers, and I nod as my answer. I am shocked, to say the least.

 _The small gesture alone makes my heart skip a beat._

"I know that you haven't lived the best life and just know, this is a new opportunity for you. Live your life and don't let the fear of your past hold you back. Also, think of me often, Rose. Whenever I see any type of rose, I'll always think of you. You have made my days easier, and I hope I've done the same for you. Maybe one day, we'll meet again." One day, I hold onto hope.

As his eyes gaze upon mine, he is looking back at me with a hint of amusement, as if he knows exactly what he's doing to me.

But, that wasn't all that was in his eyes. I saw something else that was there. But, it was gone before I could try and read into it.

Our faces are so close to each other, and with one closer movement, his lips are on mine. I feel a sudden burst of mix feelings coursing through my body, dizzy, I definitely feel dizzy. This kiss is slow and sweet like I've always imagined it to be. He tastes just like how he sounded, like pure honey. He left his hands sitting on my waist, a safe spot. I feel my heart hammering out of my chest, and a tingling feeling deep down somewhere in the lower region of my body. It is truly like an out of body experience, one I have never felt before. He quickly pulls away, and I instantly miss his lips upon mine. As we are now saying our final goodbye, I'm crying silently, uncontrollably.

"Please, don't move," I whisper. I stand so close to him; I can hear him breathing, this is the closest I've ever been. I stand on my tippy toes and leave a lingering kiss on his cheek. "I love you."

I walk away as quick as I can without giving him any time to answer me because I don't know if he feels the same way that I do. Because I want to save myself the humiliation if he does not.

I take one quick look back, he looks dazed and unmoved, but there was something else written on his face… it was _love_.

* * *

They've been saved, thank Goodness!

Let me clarify their ages so we couldn't get that out of the way... In the prologue, Ana and Ellie are 13 and Kate is 12.

Any guesses on who this mystery boy is?

Don't forget to leave a review and share your thoughts with me! x

xxx xxx

 **IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE!**

I'd like to give a big thank you to those who are reading, have followed, favorited, and review my story Then, There was You. You've given me the chance to share this story with you all, and I've enjoyed writing it!

With that being said, I'd like to announce that I am pulling the LAST three chapters of this story. The reason being is that I lost my muse back in December 2017. Admittedly, it affected my writing, greatly. I have 20+ pre-written chapters, but for some reason, it doesn't sit right with me to publish those chapters.

As of early January 2018, my muse came back! To my surprise, my inspiration changed along with it. The new found inspiration led me to re-work/rewrite the direction of my story. I genuinely think it'll work out better this way! I hope you all understand! I have full intentions of getting this story done! Plus, I've got quite a few plot bunnies under my sleeve that are waiting to be shared! ;D

So please, follow or favorite me as a writer, if you haven't already. The chapters will be uploaded relatively soon because I've been writing tirelessly to get this done. Also, if you follow some of the FSoG facebook groups, you'll find 'chapter updates' there as well!

xxx xxx

I'll see you all in the chapter three update! We'll be seeing a NEW POV come to light, eek! Also, I'd like to advise that you all read the chapters that I'll be reposting; I've made some changes. Although the details may be small/large or seemingly unimportant, it'll be meaningful in regards to the chapter in the future.

I'm hoping to begin on regularly updating because I'm so excited for you all to see how the story will unfold!

Lastly, to the ladies who had picked me up when I was down, never gave up on me, and made my bad days turn into good days... THANK YOU! The amount of love and support you've given me means more than I could EVER express! (Tons of heart emojis here) I'm so thankful to have gotten to know quite a few talented and amazing ladies here, and I'm forever grateful for them!

I also apologize if you get some sort of email telling you I've updated! (I don't know if I had any control in that.)

-Foreverdreamingx


	3. Chapter 3 - Meet Trevor Knight

If you don't know what's going on and why you're getting _another_ chapter three, but please take a look at the **important** **author's note** at the end of chapter two before reading this!

 **Trigger Warning:** There are mentions of abuse in this chapter.

Special thank you to the ladies who always pushed me to get this done! You know who you ladies are :D Your support is paramount to me!

Enjoy, loves.

* * *

Chapter 3 - Meet Trevor Knight

 _ **TPOV**_

 _ **Dream sequence**_

 _"Noooo!" I scream, my voice is hoarse from my loud cries from earlier.  
_

" _Come back here you little shit!" The scary man's voice booms through the living room as he grabs me by the shirt and pulls me up._

 _Once I'm standing straight up, he puts his hands roughly around my neck, "I told you not to run, you little shit!" He says, taking the cigarette out of his mouth._

" _AHHHHH…"_

 _ **End of Dream Sequence**_

* * *

"TREVOR! TREVOR!" I wake up, and my door is being hit on repeatedly.

I open my eyes and look at my surroundings breathing heavily while wiping my sweaty face with my arm. I take notice that my bed is a mess with no blanket in sight, _where the hell did it go?_ I reach up to my hair, and it's a mess as well. _Damn nightmares!_

"TREVOR! TREVOR! Are you okay? Answer me!" The panicked voice of Mrs. Pierce resonates throughout my small bedroom in the attic.

I scramble out of bed and quickly put on a black t-shirt which clings to my body due to the sweat and slip on some pajama bottoms. I quietly walk towards the door but don't unlock it. "Mrs. Pierce, I'm fine," I whisper.

"Are you sure? Why don't you come out of your room? It's 7 am and the second time I heard your screams. I want to make sure you're okay." She says her voice laced with concern.

"I'm fine. Just a bad dream." I say from behind the door. I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this.

"I don't want to have to force my way in there, Trevor. But I will." She says in a more stern voice, and I sigh.

After I unlock the door, I quickly walk back towards my bed and stand towards the end of it. I don't want her to get upset with me for whatever reason; she sounded mad enough behind the closed door. I wouldn't be able to stand if she were to yell or hit me. _I just can't._ As soon as she walks into the room, she scans her surroundings and stands in the middle of my small room.

"Trevor, do you want to talk about it?" She says crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"N-n-no, Mrs. Pierce." I stutter and begin to look at the ground.

"Now, now Trevor. What did I tell you about when people are speaking with you?" She says pointedly. My eyes shoot up and I stand up straight.

"To always look them in the eyes," I try to answer with confidence.

"And what were you just doing?" She says now tapping her right foot to the ground repeatedly.

"I was looking at the ground when answering you. I apologize, Mrs. Pierce." I answer in shame.

She always tried to teach me how to be polite and respectful; I've always wanted to please her and anyone I've encountered. But sometimes, I just can't help but feel a bit afraid.

"That's fine, Trevor. You will soon learn your manners. Why don't you go ahead and get ready for the day? Breakfast will be ready by 8:30. I will have to drop off your sisters and brothers to their extracurricular activities. Do you need a ride to the Trevelyan's or are you going to bike there?"

"I'll take my bike, Mrs. Pierce." I fidget with my hands behind my back.

"Very well, Trevor. I will see you at breakfast." She walks out of the room, and I sigh in relief.

I slump onto my bed and just lay there for a few moments. _I can't believe I woke her up, again! Stupid nightmares!_

As I lay in bed, I can't help but think back to how much my life has changed…

* * *

 _ **Flashback (7 Years Ago)**_

I've been living in the foster care home since I was about eight years old. _Finally, someone saved me out of that hell hole I once called home._ My mother, Ella Knight, was a drug addict who just couldn't get her life straightened out even with a son.

 _Why did she even have me?_

 _Why didn't she just give me away when she had a chance?_

Between the ages of birth to about six years old, I could attest that things were seemingly okay. Our living situation still wasn't the best, but mama tried to provide me with the little that she could.

That is until the drugs started.

By the age of six, I noticed more men in our dingy little apartment than my own mother. I was young, but not completely stupid. She would always be so strung out and in her room that I hardly noticed that she was there.

Then, the abuse happened.

Her 'pimps' we're into beatings, cigarette burns, name-calling… you name it. I probably went through it.

Then, one morning I woke up and saw my mother lying there on the couch asleep, I presumed. All day long, I sat there on the floor of the living room and didn't bother to check if she was even breathing. I just assumed she was asleep, so I went about playing with my toys. That night, one of the men came and saw her lying on the couch and had a malicious look on his face. I ran towards the kitchen table, hid under it, and watched him intently.

 _He didn't care about me,_ I thought.

As I watched him put his two fingers on her neck, I gasped.

 _What is he doing?_

 _Is he killing her?_

When he pulled his fingers off his neck, he laughed almost like he's an evil villain. He picked up a needle off the table and threw it on the ground while walking towards the kitchen table that I was hiding under. He crouched down and grabbed my face, roughly. I was then looking into the eyes of this strange man in our apartment.

"Do you know what happened to your shit of a mother over there?" He pointed to the direction of my mama's body.

I just shook my head 'no.'

"Answer me, boy! Use that fucking voice of yours!" He yelled at me, and I flinched at his tone.

"N-n-no," I answered quietly.

He let go of my face quickly and stood straight up. I peeked up from under the kitchen table and looked up at him, wide-eyed.

"She's dead. That little whore you call mama just needed the drugs and now she overdosed. It looks like you'll be without a mommy. Can you handle that, little boy?" He said, and he straightened out his leather jacket, I shake my head.

"Well, you've got to! It looks like that little whore isn't coming back! And now, I've lost a fuck ton of money!" He yelled, then walked towards the door and with one last look at each other, he was gone.

I ran from the kitchen table and to my mama. _There's no way she can be dead!_ I thought as I shook her body. _I'm only eight years old!_ Kept on repeating in my mind as I panicked. When I reached for her again, I shook her body repeatedly.

"Mama?" I whispered as I shook her, _nothing_.

"Mama, please…" My voice was getting louder as I shook her again, _nothing_.

"Mama, wake up now!" I yelled while I shook her repeatedly, _nothing_.

I laid my ear on her chest and hoped to hear something, anything.

 _Nothing._

 _No_ type response from mama.

I ran out of the apartment as fast as my feet could take me and stopped at our neighbors' door.

Hesitantly, I knocked.

Two knocks, no answer.

Three knocks, still no answer.

 _I will not give up,_ I told myself.

I began to speak, "Hello? Is anyone there?" I doubt they could hear my voice since I spoke so quietly.

I continuously knocked on our neighbors' door. As I began to bang on the door, finally, our neighbor emerged.

I didn't speak. I just pull her towards my apartment, she walks in, and inspected the place.

The elderly woman turned towards me as she stood in front of mama's body and said, "how long has she been like this?" I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want to answer; I didn't know her. "Have you called the cops?" she asked and I shook my head no. "Stay here and don't move." She told me and I just stood right where I was while she exited the apartment.

Thirty minutes later, some cops evaded the place. A kind woman approached me and asked me lots of questions. I picked and chose what I wanted to answer because I don't know these people and mama is just lying there on the couch.

Next thing I know, I'm being brought to the hospital and my new life began after that night…

 _ **End of Flashback**_

* * *

I get up from my bed and grab my towel. Exiting my bedroom, I go down the hall and the small staircase. As I am on my way to the bathroom, I run into my foster brother Jack.

"Hey, Trevor! Going to shower?" He says with his hair slicked back and wet.

"Yeah." I curtly answer. "Did you just get done?"

"I've been done!" He starts running to look at himself in the mirror of the hallway. "Go ahead, man! It's all yours! I'm heading down to the kitchen anyway!" He says excitedly and walks past me.

As I enter the bathroom, I strip myself of my clothes and hop right in. About thirty minutes later, I'm ready for breakfast.

I head downstairs and help set up the table with Jack. Jack has quickly become one of my good friends here. He came around the same time as I did. I was quiet, and so was he. We were both new to Mr. and Mrs. Pierce's home, and all the other children here were either younger or older than us. Throughout the years, many have been adopted while others have stayed, much like Jack and I. I don't know what his living situation used to be and he doesn't know mine. He never pried into my life just as I have never done in his. But, he was one of the only people I interacted with much.

 _And him not prying into my life worked well for me._

"Boys, thanks for setting up the table. Mr. Pierce will not join us this morning because he is working." She shouts from the kitchen. "Please call your brothers and sisters. We'll have breakfast then go on with our day." Mrs. Pierce shows up with a big tray full of food, while Jack and I both nod.

After a hearty breakfast, Mrs. Pierce and everyone else gets into the big van and she goes to drop them off to their extracurricular activities. While the other kids like to play sports and such, I enjoyed doing hard working labor jobs. Mrs. Pierce knew the Trevelyan's needed some yard help and they just lived a couple of blocks away.

I grab my coat, get on my bike and head to the Trevelyan's home. As soon as I arrive, I do my greetings to the other workers and search for Mr. and Mrs. Trevelyan to bid my hello's.

I've been working here for awhile now and I do enjoy it, the Trevelyan's are a sweet couple and I get paid generously. I only work once or twice a week, depending, but it's enough to get by. I plan on going applying to Harvard and those are my big plans. Carrick Grey who is Mr. Trevelyan's son-in-law… well, he's a big inspiration for why I want to go to Harvard and also the fact that he's a lawyer; it's something I've considered taking up. We've only had brief conversations and I'm hoping one day I could really have a conversation with him.

I put on my gardening gear and head to the garden to do my usual routine.

As I'm watering Mrs. Trevelyan's roses, I notice the most beautiful brunette sitting on the bench and reading a book. I'm guessing she's what? A year or two younger than me and she's reading a classic novel. _A beautiful bookworm,_ that's what she is.

Throughout the time that I've worked here, I've never seen anyone around my age. But, to my surprise, three young girls popped out of nowhere one day with Mr. and Mrs. Trevelyan. _They've been here since._

I'm assuming they must not be from here because they seem don't actually look comfortable. I quickly noticed that they hardly spoke to strangers, but with time, the two out of the three girls opened up. The _beautiful brunette_ is who has peaked my interest even in the slightest; she's the shyest one of them all. She's extremely quiet but observant. Even when she's around people, she seems to look as if she's alone. Her eyes give that away. There's no sparkle, no shine in them. It's as if they're almost lifeless. I've never paid attention to girls like this. I never noticed even the most remote small things about girls, but her? _I don't know what it is._ I know her name is Anastasia Rose, at least that's what Mrs. Trevelyan told me.

 _Rose._

It suits her perfectly.

I've always so badly wanted to talk to her, but I'm afraid.

What if she doesn't like me?

What if she thinks I'm so weirdo trying to speak to her? _Ugh._

I guess I'll just stick to admiring her from afar. I think just saying "hi" to her is enough.

 _Right?_

xxx xxx

One Friday afternoon, I decided to trim the roses closest to the bench. _This is where she always reads, where is she?_ It's not the easiest job, but it's part of the things I have to get done. As I'm focusing on trimming the roses, I notice Anastasia is sitting on the bench with an open book in her hands. _When the hell did she get here? How did I not notice earlier?_ I'm beginning to wonder if she enjoys being outside as much as I do? Is it because of me? She's so pale, almost deathly pale, and I would never see her as the type of girl to even want the sun shining on her. _Yet, here she is._

As I'm casually trimming the roses, I can't help but sneak a couple of glances her way. _My God, she is absolutely breathtaking._ She has to be one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid my eyes on. I don't find a lot of girls attractive. So, that's saying a lot coming from me. I notice a red rose is fully bloomed and it's beautiful, it reminds me of her, Anastasia Rose. _My Rose_. I think this is my chance, we've been just sharing looks at each other and simple gestures like a "hello" or "hi," but nothing more. I've got to make my move, I know my self-confidence is lacking, but I have to try.

I take a pair of scissors from my back pocket, snip the bloomed red rose, and quietly approach her. I know she's not reading because she's looking up at me with her beautiful blue eyes staring at me intently. She is wearing a confused look on her cute face, "a red rose for a beautiful girl, Rose." I say and bow. _Bow? What the fuck! Why did I just bow? I probably ruined all my chances now!_

She grabs the rose and her cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pinkish-red. _So damn cute._ She doesn't say a word and all she does is nods. _Fuck, have I rendered her speechless?_ She smiles up at me showing me her pearly whites and I mirror the same expression. After a couple of moments, I tend back to the roses as she goes back to her bench, admiring the red rose I gave her with the open book in her lap.

Some weeks have passed and giving her a red rose every time I'd see her on the bench became second nature to me. It was something I felt like I needed to do. I wanted her to feel special, I wanted to make her feel beautiful, and I wanted her to feel like her presence means something to me. Every time I'd be out and tending to the roses I'd take a glance on at the bench and she'd always be right out here with me with a book in hand. _My little bookworm_. I loved seeing her tiny small frame sitting on the bench, those beautiful blue eyes always looking up once and awhile just taking in the beautiful garden that I tend to, and I just loved being around her. Simple as that. I know it's weird but I honestly just enjoy being around her, even if we don't necessarily exchange many words. She brought some type of odd peace to my work day even in our silence.

 _Is this what normal feels like?_

 _Because I hope it is._

xxx xxx

Today, I want to make my Rose feel like the most _special girl_ in the world.

 _My_ world.

I need to show her how special she is to me and how much our little hangouts have impacted my days working in the garden.

I'm riding my bike to the local market that sells fresh flowers. The past couple of weeks I've been doing some research on rose colors and their meanings. I had no idea that they have so many and that there are some that you can't just find them anywhere. I called many local boutiques and markets, while the search was difficult… I finally found one that isn't too far away from home, but it's definitely a little bit far from the Trevelyan's residence.

 _She's_ _worth it_ , I kept thinking to myself and she truly is.

Upon arriving at the local market, I searched around for the purple roses. _"Purple roses primarily stand for enchantment. The giver of the purple rose seeks to convey that he or she has fallen in love with the recipient at the very first sight. A deep magnetism and charm that makes the recipient almost irresistible are what the purple rose seeks to convey. The very first meeting has totally enticed the sender of these flowers, who simply cannot resist the object of his desire."_ It was the only rose that can explain how I honestly feel for her when words escape me. _Yes, I think I love her._ I hardly know her, but that doesn't matter. There's something about her, something so special and unique. I've never met someone like her at all. So, she deserves these flowers and I hope she takes them.

"I found them!" I fist pump in the air and grab a bouquet. I go to the cashier and pay for the flowers and then head straight for my bike. I look down at my watch and it's nearing 10 am. _Fuck, I'm late!_ She's probably been waiting there for who knows how long. I am usually there by 9:30 am and it's nearing 10, I still have to ride my bike. Maybe I should have asked Mrs. Pierce for a ride! I get on my bike and pedal as fast as I can. _I need to get there before she thinks I don't want to be around her._ I have to!

It's nearing 10:45 am now and I have just arrived at the Trevelyan's front gate. I hop off my bike with the bouquet of roses in hand and run straight for the garden. As soon as I get there, I see her walking away from the bench with her head hanging low.

 _Fuck, is she crying?_

"ROSE! ROSE!" I yell and she stops to turn around. I run up to her with the roses hidden behind my back. "I'm sorry that I'm late! I decided to stop by the market before I came here and brought you these." I pull the roses from behind my back and she looks at me with such awe. "You are as beautiful as any color, size, or shape of any form of roses, my Rose," I tell her with as much confidence I could muster. _She deserves me at my best._

As soon as my hand touched her small hand, fireworks exploded inside of me. I feel a jolt of heat run throughout my whole body; I was shocked for a moment.

 _What the hell was that?_

 _Why is my body reacting this way with such a simple touch?_

Her face turns that cute shade of pinkish-red again and I can't help but think about how cute she really is. We look at each other wide-eyed, I'm sure she felt what I just did. I suddenly feel my face heating up under that blue-orb gaze. _Fuck, those eyes._ She pries her eyes away from mines and takes the roses and sits on the bench looking at them adoringly. I would buy her roses for the rest of my life If I could.

For months, we've been doing this routine over and over again. It never got old; if anything, I fell deeper in love with her. Our "hello" and "hi" soon turned into small conversations. It was incredible how comfortable I felt with her. I never felt this much comfort with anyone before. After I'd tend to Mrs. Trevelyan's garden, we'd usually lay on the grass and talk, or she'd read me a book. Her voice calmed me. It was so melodic. There was something about her voice that brought so much peace to my roaring thoughts and emotions. She made me feel normal. She made me feel wanted. She made me feel special. I could only hope that I've done that in return for her.

I shared small bits and pieces of my past, but nothing that she could start a search on. She never pried and she never pushed, it's what I admire most about her. I found out a little about her past, but she would usually freeze up when we'd talk about it.

In mentioning that, I also noticed little things about her. She always wore clothes that covered her entire body; the only skin you'd see is her hands and face. It was peculiar. Even on hot days, much like most days that have come and pass, she'd have a turtleneck sweater and jeans on. I'd be breaking a sweat when she seems to be at complete ease in her clothes. I also notice how she always looks at her surroundings. _Is she looking for someone?_

Whenever we'd talk, sometimes I'd think she isn't paying attention because she'd be looking elsewhere, but really, she's just looking at the other workers in the backyard. It's so odd. But, I never brought it up. I felt like maybe it had to do with her past and I know that's a sore subject for her. I kept these small observations to myself, but maybe in time… she'd be able to tell me everything.

* * *

 _ **Six months later**_

In the last six months, I began to see Rose less and less, to my liking. Just the mere thought saddened me. But, just coming here and seeing her smile even if it wasn't because of me was enough. She's been busy with Eamon and Claire Kavanagh and occasionally their son Ethan. They are the friends of Mr. and Mrs. Grey, who have also been visiting more often. Every time I made my greetings, I'd get the oddest feeling around Mrs. Grey. I'm almost sure she knew something about me, but I don't know what. She kept on looking at me with such sincerity and not an ounce of pity. Mr. Grey always asked me about my plans for the future, giving me as much information about Harvard, and a lot about his law firm back in Seattle. I finally got that talk with him and I've never felt so determined to live out my one of my dreams.

 _One day, I want to be a lawyer just like him._

I was happy to see open up to more people and that my Rose was smiling more often. It seems that she's bonded with the Kavanagh's along with her sisters. I'm happy for them. That cute little dimple on her left cheek that shows when she has a full smile… it's definitely imprinted in my heart. I'd know that smile anywhere.

xxx xxx

Today, Rose and I spend the day in the garden, mostly exploring. The Trevelyan's backyard is huge! They have tons of land, so we went out farther than we usually do just to spend some time alone together. The sun is just beginning to set, and the colors of the sky are beautiful like my Rose. We are in the middle of the grass just laying down, while Rose is reading to me. It's so serene out here; no one else but us, the grass, some trees, and her melodic voice. _The change of scenery is nice._ I take a look at her while she's reading out loud and she glances at me with the biggest grin.

I wish she'd smile like that forever and that we'd stay in this perfect bubble, forever. Although, I know it won't ever be possible.

 _Forever doesn't exist._

"Trevor, I've got something to tell you," Rose says as she puts the book down.

"What is it, Rose?" I sit up and gesture her to sit up too.

We are now facing each other.

She bites her bottom lip with a nervous look on her face. What could it be? "Please don't bite your lip, Rose. Tell me, what is it?" I take my thumb and brush it lightly over her bottom lip and pry it away from the death grip of her top teeth.

"We're moving," is all she says and bows her head in sadness. I don't know what to say and I certainly don't know how to feel. I thought she'd stay here with me forever. I thought we'd be able to stay in our bubble. I guess I was wrong.

"When are you leaving?" I ask with my voice barely above a whisper. _Sadness._ A pang of sorrow spreads through my heart and my mind. _What will I do without her?_

"Today," she whispers, and I swear I see a tear fall from her blue orbs. "The Kavanagh's are adopting us. Can you believe this Trevor? They're adopting all three of us!" Her voice sounds happy, but her eyes are telling me something entirely different. I stand up and go to one of Mrs. Trevelyan's rose bushes and clip one off. I approach Rose and hand her one last rose.

"I'm happy for you and your sisters, Rose." I tell her while trying to hide the sadness in my voice, "wherever you go, always remember that I'm always with you." I hand her the last rose and she grabs it, brings it to her nose and inhales deeply. I grab her other hand and leave a lingering kiss on it. "Promise me," I whisper, and she nods.

"I know that you haven't lived the best life and just know, this is a new opportunity for you. Live your life and don't let the fear of your past hold you back. Also, think of me often, Rose. Whenever I see any type of rose, I'll always think of you. You have made my days easier and I hope I've done the same for you. Maybe one day, we'll meet again." I tell her with all the confidence I could muster. My emotions are going haywire! I want to say that I love her, but maybe this isn't the best time. _She's leaving me_ is what loops again and again in my mind.

As my eyes gaze upon hers, I swear I can tell she loves me. It's written not only on her face, but it's now in her eyes. But, could this be love? What we've been so custom to for all the times we've spent with each other, could this be love? I'm sure of my feelings, but is she sure about hers? She's young, but so am I. I know how I feel, but does she?

I do the one thing that I know would convey my thoughts and feelings towards her; I step closer while looking her straight in the eyes, and in a split second… my lips are on hers. If I thought I was feeling fireworks when our hands touched, I'm feeling a fucking explosion happen throughout my body. Her soft lips on my mine, I need to relish this. This is the only time I'd be able to kiss these lips and I fully intend on remembering every crease on these pouty pink lips of hers. Instinctively, I gently lay my hands on her waist; she stiffens then suddenly relaxes. _Why?_ I try to pay no mind to her suddenly body adjustment to my hands on her and just focus on this kiss.

A few heartbeats later, I pull my lips away from hers. _I miss those lips already._ I rest my forehead upon hers and watch as Rose tries to calm herself down by taking deep breaths. Even with her eyes closed, she looks so beautiful. She finally opens then back up and gives me a small, shy smile. I give her a tight one knowing that our time is ticking away and just like that, she pulls away.

With one final goodbye and watery eyes, she gives me one last gaze. "Please, don't move." She says and I nod. She comes up right in front of me, the closest she's ever been. I can feel her breath on my chest as she stands on her tippy toes and gives me a lingering kiss on the cheek. "I love you," she whispers in my ear then quickly begins to walk away.

 _Stunned._ That's the only word that is going through my mind. _Does she love me? Does my Rose love me?_ I still haven't moved a muscle, and I have no idea why. I want to run up to her, hug her and tell her much I love her, but nothing. I don't move, not one bit. Is it because she told me not to? I've got no idea why, but I listened to her anyway. I watch her walk away, and I swear she must be crying. I can see her body trembling as she walks away.

Right when I think she'll truly just walk away without one more glance or word, I was utterly wrong. She takes one last look back at me and looks at me intently; it's like she's searching for something. I can only hope that my face and eyes are telling her everything she needs to know.

The way my heart beats faster at the thought of _her_. The butterflies I get in the pit of my stomach is because of _her_. The way my smile reaches my ears is because of _her_. The way my palms sweat at the mere sight of _her_. The flutter of electricity runs through my body when _she_ and I share the simplest touches. Everything _new_ that I am feeling, it's all because of her.

 _I hope that's what she sees when she looks back at me._

 _I hope that she can read the emotion written all over my face._

 _I love her._

Yes, I do.

Had I known this was our last day together, I would have told her... _sooner_.

* * *

 ** _Hmm... sound familiar?! I hope you all caught the hints I was dropping, hehe. In this chapter, Trevor is 15 years old which makes him and Ana two years apart. You will learn more about him and his journey within the next three chapters that I've been working tirelessly on. Then, we will switch to Ana's POV._** ** _That's where it'll get confusing because I'm not doing dual POV per chapter. I'm not matching their timelines as I write out the chapters, that's why. I will be time jumping through their lives at some point. So, once we get to the present time... everything will unfold in a better manner and be less confusing._**

 ** _Thank you for reading! Don't forget to leave a review and share your thoughts with me! Can't wait to see what you all think! x_**


	4. Chapter 4 - Living my Dream

**Authors' Note:** Thank you for continuing to support my story, it means the world to me! :)

Special thank you to someone I've grown really close to, UndercoverSquint! Thank you for all of your help with sorting my brain out, our daily talks, answering my questions, and everything I could ever wish for in a fellow writer and friend! You've been so supportive of me and my writing, what would I do without you? Check out one of my current favorite stories that she's writing: _Ember._ It's a fantastic read that doesn't ever disappoint! I promise you! Is it Wednesday yet? ;)

We're going to be jumping through quite a bit of time this chapter. I didn't want to delve too much into Trevor's life unless I really felt the need!

Okay, ready to see what Trevor's been up to? ;) Let's get to it!

Enjoy, loves. See you at the bottom!

* * *

Chapter 4 - Living my Dream

 _ **TPOV**_

 _ **Three years**_

It's been three years since I saw _her_. Three years since I've felt that _spark_. Three years since my lips touched _hers_. Three years since she whispered ' _I love you.'_ Three years since _we've_ parted ways.

It's officially been three years since _she_ left _me_.

I haven't stopped thinking about my blue-eyed brunette since the moment she left. Her leaving was good for _her_ , but it broke _me_. I was happy for her and her sisters, I honestly was. But, things just weren't the same. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I no longer had someone to keep me company while I was tending to the garden. I no longer had someone to just lay in the grass and read with. It felt lonely. But, work is work I had to remind myself. I needed to get the job done, and I did. I continued to work for the Trevelyan's until I was eighteen and finished high school.

Carrick Grey was honestly my biggest supporter in all of it. He told me the type of extracurricular activities I needed to do, school wise. Their eldest son, Elliot helped me with applying to my SATS and ACTS. _It was as if I had an older brother guiding me through the process._ We spoke on the phone often and even had video chats if I needed further assistance with things since they were in Washington and I was in Tennessee. He was just two years older than me, so he practically knew what he was doing. They also had a little girl named Mia. Now that little girl, she stole my heart. I've never felt such a connection with someone so young, but her bubbly personality even at such a young age, it drew me in. I felt like she was _my little sister_.

I ended up getting accepted into Harvard; I was ecstatic! A foster boy like me and I'm able to go to a prestigious college like that? I won't lie, I didn't believe in myself at first. I didn't think the admissions office would bat an eyelash towards my application, but I got accepted. I got a full-ride scholarship to Harvard due to my good grades and extracurricular activities. I wasn't into sports due to my issues with touch, but I did involve myself a lot in the school activities and clubs. I didn't necessarily break out of my shell, but I did just enough for an Ivy League college to even take one look at a foster boy like me.

When I told the news to The Trevelyan and Grey's during the winter break that they visited, they all congratulated me and told me just how proud they are of me. Mr. and Mrs. Pierce were also excited for me, along with Jack who will be attending Princeton. They really are great foster parents even though they're strict, but I think with the manners and responsibility they instilled in us, it will help us a lot in the real world.

Grace and Carrick treated me just as if I was another one of their children. She always brought Elliot to Tennessee whenever they came to visit, and it's mainly because of me. Older men always surrounded me, and they thought it would be nice to be around someone around my age for a change.

 _And it was._

Grace and Carrick told me about how they've been trying to try for another child, but it's just not working for them. I feel bad for them, I genuinely do. They have shown how loving and supporting they could be. That's what a family is supposed to do anyway, right? Grace and Carrick deserve a child of their own. Actually, the whole family deserves it.

 _I'm so grateful for them, and they aren't even my family._

"When you finish Harvard and pass your LSAT, contact me, son." Carrick Grey hands me his business card, and it feels so real to me.

This moment means so much to me.

They believe in me. My foster parents believe in me. Jack believes in me. I believe in me.

 _I can do this._

 _I can become the lawyer I've always dreamed of._

* * *

 _ **Four years later**_

 _I did it!_

I finished Harvard three months ago and just recently passed my LSAT.

 _I'm so fucking happy right now; I could cry._

I'm now sitting in my small apartment that I'm renting in Boston.

When I attended Harvard, I got a job in the library because of her. I felt like by working in the library; I was somewhat _close_ to her. Books were always her favorite thing, and her reading to me became mine. I always admired her love for books. Whenever I would touch one of the classics, I would close my eyes, and remember her melodic voice. _It's been so long._ I think about her, often. It's hard to forget someone who's made such an impact in your life even in such a short amount of time. I didn't bother asking about her after they left, they didn't know the type of connection Rose, and I had. I also knew that it would just hurt a wound that never healed.

Even with time, I never honestly forgot about her or those extraordinary blue eyes.

Shaking my thoughts of her, I pull out a business card that I've held onto for four years. I always kept it in my wallet because I use it as motivation. If I ever lost hope or wanted to give up, I'd pull it out and remember the words that Carrick Grey said on their last visit before I went to Harvard, "when you finish Harvard and pass your LSAT, contact me, son." Now I knew exactly what he meant, it wasn't until after I took the LSAT that I knew about the Washington Law Office Study Program. I wouldn't have to attend law school and I could take the BAR exam.

I pull out my phone and decide to give him a call.

"Carrick Grey."

"Hello, Carrick. It's Trevor Knight."

"Ah! Trevor! It's been so long! How are you and how is Boston?"

"I know. I've been focusing a lot on my studies. Boston is good, and I recently graduated." I beam.

"Graduated! Already? Why didn't you tell us? We would have come down for your big day, and I'm sure my mother and father as well."

"I apologize, I didn't want to intrude on your lives. My foster parents came, and we just had dinner. It was small, but this accomplishment was big… for me."

"I understand! No worries! Congratulations, by the way, we are so proud of you, Trevor." I smile widely at his comment.

"Thank you, Carrick."

"Let's get to business," he says in a serious tone, and I instinctively straighten up, "have you taken your LSAT?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey," I answer confidently.

"Amazing! When can you move to Seattle?" My eyes go wide with his questioning.

"Ex-ex-excuse me?" I stutter.

"I will ask again, when can you move to Seattle?"

"Seattle, Mr. Grey?" I choke out.

"Yes, Trevor. Seattle. When can you get to Seattle?"

"Uhh… As soon as possible, I suppose."

"This is the reason why I handed you my business card four years ago." He explains, "I saw potential in you even before you got into Harvard." I smile at the thought of how proud he is of me. "By now you would have heard of the Washington Law Office Study Program, something I'd like to offer you here."

"Thank you, Mr. Grey, for the opportunity. I can't thank you enough. I'll start looking for flights."

"No need, Trevor. I'll book a flight for you. Pack up your things, and I'll forward an email with the flight itinerary. Don't forget to mention these to your folks, okay? See you soon, Trevor."

"Thank you, Mr. Grey. You don't know how much this opportunity means to me."

"Just Carrick, son. See you soon. I can't wait to see how you work the courtroom." He hangs up.

Wow. This is it. I'm going to be the lawyer I've always dreamed of and work for Carrick Grey. I just have to pack up my things since my lease will be ending soon anyway and head to Seattle.

 _Who knew life would work out this way for me?_

 _I'm going from a foster boy who thought dreams just stayed dreams, and now, those dreams are becoming reality.  
_

* * *

 _ **Six months later (Seattle)**_

I moved to Seattle six months ago, and I have to say, I do enjoy living here. It took some time getting used to, but it doesn't take long for me to adjust to new places. Although, it's definitely different than Tennessee - the people, the areas, and the weather.

I've also been working as an apprentice for Carrick Grey who owns Grey Law Firm for the past six months. Carrick has a team of great lawyers, and I'm just glad to be one of them. He instilled his trust and belief in me; I certainly wouldn't ever let him down.

 _I'm living my dream._

It took some time getting used to, but Carrick has really helped me adjust to life here in Seattle. His eldest son Elliot finished college at UDub and is currently a construction worker for one of the biggest companies in Seattle. We live in the same complex, but both in different spaces. I value my privacy immensely and Elliot being the manwhore that he is… I just wouldn't be able to stand seeing women go in and out of the place.

We've occasionally hung out with a "family friend" of the Grey's, Susannah Lincoln. I can't lie, she's pretty and interesting to hang around. Although, I don't really know how I feel about her. Her personality is usually something I'm attracted to, but there's something _off_ about her. She's doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, but there's just something about her that I can't put my finger on. Elliot continuously tries to get talk me into going out on a date with her, but I always _try_ to avoid that topic with him.

He doesn't know what I'm into and he certainly doesn't need to know about my _extracurricular_ _activities_.

Besides that, I've seen the Greys more than my own foster parents, who haven't come to see me since I've moved away. I do hope they visit soon and see how well off I'm doing on my own. While I do miss the craziness of living in their home, I do enjoy the silence and freedom I get in Seattle. We talk from time to time, and it's great. I've also been keeping touch with Jack who he graduated Princeton around the same time I finished Harvard. He is currently an editor at a big publishing house in New York.

* * *

 _ **Two months later**_

 _I need a scene._

I've been working so much; it's literally driving me crazy! I've hit the mark; non-stop clients and court appearances… how does one do it?

 _I need it now!_

Back in my college days at Harvard, I'd met a couple of girls. Yes, girls not women. Some were so childish, and I had no idea why I'd even had the mere thought of sinking my dick into them. No one compared to my Rose and let me tell you; I had become a bit obsessed with brunettes. I haven't even had sex with her, but I was continuously comparing her to different girls. I was looking for girls with the same features as her; chocolate brunette hair, bright blue ocean eyes, and a cute dimple on her left cheek when she'd smile. To my much disappointment, none of them could ever level up. I was angry with myself most of the time when I thought about why I sought out brunettes, and it's as if I'm trying to replace her.

 _I'm not._

I missed her so much to the point where it would literally make my heartache. I drank myself to oblivion most nights of my first semester, and it was completely irresponsible of me. I put her on such a high pedestal in my life that I couldn't actually enjoy the experiences of my first year of college. So, I stopped trying to compare girls to her, stop trying to looking for the perfect match. I had to in a way… put down my expectation of girls and just try to go with what I've got. That's when I met Vivian. She had sleek black hair, honey brown eyes with specks of green, and she was definitely prettier than most girls I've encountered. A big plus was that she wasn't like another one of those girls; she was a woman.

 _I lost my virginity to her._

I won't lie though; it wasn't all that fulfilling. We had sex, and that was that. There wasn't anything that exciting. I thought that losing your virginity would be life-changing, but I was wrong. Maybe I'm not doing it, right? Vivian had a very strong, dominant personality, while also being very protective and nurturing towards me. I think that's what I liked the most about her. She respects my boundaries. She said that's what she does. I felt like there was double meaning going on there, but I had no idea what it was.

 _And boy did I learn exactly what she had meant._

One night she wanted to 'experiment' as she called it, I was game. She came to my apartment dressed in straight leather. It was fucking hot! My dick stood at attention just at the mere sight. She commanded me to do things and even tied me up, it was arousing as hell. Giving up that control was liberating; I have never felt so free. She wanted me to try it on her and switched the roles a bit, and it suddenly didn't feel as arousing as it did as when she was in control. I tried to tie her up, but I felt nothing.

 _I don't know why._

What aroused me was thinking about _her tying me up again_. And fuck did she do it when I asked, I gave her what she called 'my submission,' and holy fuck did my sexual fantasies come to life. I furthered my research on the lifestyle, and it peaked my curiosity to a different level; it spoke to me in ways that I don't think many would understand. We came up with an arrangement, signed contracts, I then became her submissive. We'd either do some light scenes at my apartment or hers and occasionally go to local BDSM clubs in the area. This went on until the end of my sophomore year of college.

For my junior and senior year, I had to focus more on school. I was almost done, and I couldn't keep on doing what I considered extracurricular activities. I'd occasionally go to the BDSM clubs for a quick scene, but that's it. Nothing more and nothing less.

Which brings me to the here and now.

I've been searching up for places to go and possibly find a Dominatrix that I can contract with. My search hasn't been easy, but I've narrowed down an to two options: _Lace and Leathers or The Power Exchange._ I've been reading up on both, Lace and Leathers seems to be like the clubs I'd go to Boston, and that didn't give much privacy. I needed something more. I needed something that could protect my privacy because who the hell would want to know I do this stuff at the law firm? Shit, no one!

So, The Power Exchange seems more like something I'd go for; they are a members-only club. I decided to email the owner, but what I got back was an email from the manager, Leila Williams. She was really quick and straight to the point in what they needed. Necessary information, preferred name, body pictures while naked, a headshot, and $10,000 cash for my membership that I would have to pay yearly. I could work with that; I've been saving up money for months! I'm hoping that this all works in my favor and I'll have a Dominatrix to scene with tonight.

It's 6:30 pm, and I'm standing inside of the lobby of The Power Exchange awaiting for Leila Williams. As I'm waiting, a brunette who appears to be in her late twenties comes in full view after about ten minutes. She has light brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. She's wearing a black fitted suit and a pair of heels. _Professional._

"Trev, I'm Leila Williams." She sticks her hand out, and I instinctively stand up and shake her hand.

"Hello, Ms. Williams." I greet her.

"Please follow me to my office, and we can discuss everything there." I nod, and we proceed to her office. As soon as we walk in, I take a seat in the leather chair from across her desk, and she closes the door then takes a seat.

 _I feel like I'm being watched in here. It's an uncomfortable feeling._

"Let's get straight to business, Trev. I've got a busy schedule lined up for today." I nod. "As you know, I am the manager of The Power Exchange, and we respect your privacy in the highest regards. You may or may not know this, but this is one of the most expensive BDSM clubs in Seattle to get into. That is because we honor that privacy so much. You will have to sign a standard NDA to protect you and us. We never use our first and last names here, so if there is a name you wish to be called, introduce yourself as that.

We will never reveal your identity no matter the cost, which is why we require you to sign the papers in the name you preferred to be called and only handle cash transactions. The $10,000 that you pay tonight will be good for up to a year. If you would like to renew, that rate stays the same, and you pay it upon the anniversary date of your first year."

 _Wow, that's a lot that this club has going on._

I feel uncomfortable under Ms. William's cold expression and hard gaze. The way she explained everything, it's as if it's been practice perfectly to a T. "I understand," I gulp.

"Let us proceed, I can tell this is your first time here, and I've studied the body shots you've sent over. I see you have a few imperfections on the chest and upper back." I nod at her observation, "are you new to the lifestyle?"

"I am not," I answer quickly.

"Hmmm. Are you looking for an interactive Dominant and submissive relationship?"

"At the moment, no. I am strictly looking for a release." She nods.

"Now, here is the contract, you may look it over and if you have any future questions or concerns after signing, do not hesitate to contact me. My contact information is just at the bottom of the last page, and also I can give you my business card." I quickly look over the documents in front of me and sign while handing her an envelope with $10,000 cash inside.

"Great! Welcome to The Power Exchange, Trev. Here is a red bracelet to wear when you are roaming around the club. The red bracelet lets others know that you are active submissive willing to submit. When you have a Dominant or Dominatrix, they will provide you with a black bracelet; which will let others know that he or she is owned. Any questions?"

"None at all, Ms. Williams."

"Great. I will email you if anything comes up." I nod, stand up from the leather seat, and exit the room.

It's nearing 7:15 pm as I leave the club. I need to get home and wash off this day because reminiscing about my past isn't something I like often doing.

As I get home, I take out a glass and a bottle of bourbon for a quick drink. After a glass on the rocks, I decided that it's time for a quick shower before I attempt to make myself some food. I run straight to shower, strip my clothes off, and hop right in. The warm water washes off everything from today, it's relaxing. I can't believe I let my thoughts of Vivian come to mind, but she is the one who introduced me to this lifestyle. She helped me repress those obsessive thoughts and feelings I had about Rose. I haven't kept in touch with her at all since our arrangement ended.

I'll be sad to admit, I've always wondered if Rose ever thought about me the way I did of her. I wonder if she compared me to any of the guys that she has been with. I also wonder if she was right here in Seattle.

I suppose I could go on a search for her… look her up online, ask the Grey's, or even give a quick call to the Trevelyan's but I'm mostly afraid.

 _What if they tell me she's married and had kids already?_

 _What if they tell me she's living this grand life?_

 _What if it's something I really don't want to hear?_

So, I relent. I don't want to know where she is exactly and I'm trying really hard not to care. But, I can't help it. For the life of me, I'll never understand why I can't get her off of my mind. Is it because she's the first girl I've ever loved? It has to be that.

Getting out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my waist and head over to my closet to grab some clean clothes to change into. I usually go to the gym after I return from work, but I think today I'll pass. I take a look at the clock, and it reads 8 pm, _have I really been in the shower that long with my thoughts?_ I put on some clothes and as I'm pulling my shirt over my head, my phone pings letting me know that I have a new email. I run towards my phone and open it up.

"Trev,

It was a pleasure meeting you earlier at The Power Exchange. I know this is a very short notice, but we have a Dominatrix who has interests in having a scene tonight. You are the perfect match she is looking for, and I'm sure she wouldn't disappoint. If you are up for it, please come to The Power Exchange to the private room. You will see a blue button up, black boxer briefs, and black slacks laid out on the bed. Please wear that attire and nothing else. The Dominatrix would like you to be on the kneeling in the middle of the room in those clothes only with your head bowed down, and palms resting on your thighs face up no later than 9 pm. You will be provided with aftercare tonight.

Please check-in at the front desk.

Directions to the private room A: Go up the stairs and make a left, then go down the long hallway and there will be a door at the end.

Thank you,  
Leila Williams Manager of The Power Exchange."

 _Oh, fuck!_

I go into my closet and grab some clothes to wear out. I take off my pajama bottoms and replace them with jeans and grab my black leather jacket at lightning speed.

I go to the kitchen and grab my keys and wallet then head out the door to my car.

On my way to The Power Exchange, I can't help but feel giddy and nervous at the same time. I haven't had a scene in so long, and I'm so eager to let this pent up frustration and stress out. _I hope the Domme that I have is good at what she does._ I wonder if she does penetration during the first scene? Fuck! Thinking about having sex has me hard. I haven't had any pussy for awhile since I've been focusing so much on my career! I've resorted to watching porn, jacking off, and imagining how Rose would look like by now like some horny teenager. Fuck! _Now thinking of Rose has me hard as fuck._ It's 8:30 pm when I enter the club and check-in. I slip on my bracelet and head straight to the private room, and I don't even bother looking at my surroundings.

My head is bowed because I'm trying to make sure that no one notices me. I'm walking so fast towards the staircase; I may as well be running. As soon as I get to the bottom of the stairs, I bump into someone and slowly begin to pick my head up.

"Sorry," I mutter. As I lift my head, my eyes wander at the woman standing before me; she is dressed in tight leathers, and high heel fuck me boots. _Fuck, she's hot._

 _Fucking hell. Damnit. Shit._

I'm now met with a pair of eyes I thought I'd never see again.

 _Her honey brown with specks of green to my gray._

"Trevor?" She asks with a smile on her face.

 _She remembers me._

"Vivian? Wha-what are you doing here?" _Fuck, is she my Domme?_

"Just visiting Seattle, I've never been." She shrugs, "I thought I'd check around some local BDSM clubs to have a private scene and found this one. It's much better than the ones we visited back in Boston, huh?" She chuckles.

"Definitely," I answer and feel nervous, so I begin to shuffle my feet.

"Expensive as fuck, though!" She eyes my bracelet, "still an active submissive, I see?" I nod. _I'm sure as fuck she's still an active Domme. I don't even have to look._ "Not taken yet?"

"Not at the moment." I gulp, "are you heading up to the private rooms?" I ask curiously.

"Yes. I'm supposed to have a submissive ready for me by 9 pm." My eyes go wide at this.

 _Fuck, she must be my Domme._

I guess it isn't a bad thing; we're pretty familiar with each other.

"Oh," I breathe out. "I am uh heading in that direction too." I feel my palms begin to sweat.

 _Why do I feel so nervous?_

"Are you?" She raises a brow at me with a seductive smile on her face. "Well then, why don't you head to the room you were assigned, Trevor?" She rubs her hand gently on my arm, then moves out the way and gestures me to go up the stairs. And right before I'm about to take my first step she says, "it's 8:50," she says sternly as I look back at her. _Have we been talking for that long?_ "I'm going to the bar to have a quick drink; you know my favorite... a screaming _orgasm_ might do." She points to the direction of the bar, "I expect my submissive to be ready dressed, in position, and ready no later than 9 pm whether I am in the room or not." She instructs. "If _my_ submissive isn't ready at nine sharp, a punishment for tardiness will be in tonight's' scene." She says with a twinkle in her eye.

 _Fuck._

"Sure, Vivian." I gulp and begin to my way up the stairs to the private room while adjusting my now hard cock.

 _I can't help but feel so fucking aroused._

I'm mentally preparing myself for _a_ scene with the woman who introduced me to this lifestyle...

 _Vivian._

* * *

 _Gulp._ Well, well, well, my girl Vivian... she's baaaack ;) Don't worry, it's not what you possibly think, hehe! ;)

If you read my old chapter four, you can tell this is entirely different! I'm not big into law and everything I've provided is through google. There will still be mistakes, but please note that this is just a work of _fiction._ It's no excuse, but my research can only go so far! I won't get everything right! But, thank you to those who have pointed out some mistakes and helped me further some research! It's much appreciated! :)

 _Thank you for reading! Don't forget to leave a review and share your thoughts with me! See you all... soon! x_


	5. Chapter 5 - My Submission is Yours

**Authors' note:** Hello everyone and welcome back! I'm sorry to leave you off where I did ;) Okay, this is my first time writing a scene, may or may not be my last. So, if you could please be kind :) Again, I'd like to thank UndercoverSquint for helping me out with her advice/ideas with this! She's been freaking amazing and helping me loads! x

 **Reviews:** If you've left me a review before signed in, it won't let you now… I genuinely apologize for that! I had no idea it would do that, and if you've previously left a review before the rewrite/rework of my story, THANK YOU! I'm also grateful for those who sent me PM's of their recent reviews and or left it as a guest review! For this chapter though, you may PM your review or leave it as a guest. I don't mind :) You guys are awesome! And never fear, after this chapter, everything should go back to normal :) Thank you for your patience, continued support, and understanding!

Anywhoo, let's get to it! What's going to happen in the playroom? Most importantly, who will we see in private room A? ;)

Enjoy, loves. See you at the bottom!

* * *

Chapter 5 - My Submission is Yours

 _ **TPOV**_

 _Vivian_ is all that was echoing in my mind.

We are extremely familiar with each other, and that excites me the most.

She knows how to manage a whip; it's my favorite.

I crave it. I want it. I need it.

I'm walking through the hallway full of private rooms. _There are so damn many._

I'm now standing in front of private room A, and as I enter the room, I glance around and suddenly feel comfortable. The walls are a deep maroon color, and there is a queen-sized bed with beautiful black satin sheets, it's different from other places I've been too, but it's actually nice looking. I study the room a bit, and I see a St. Andrews cross in the middle of the room, whipping bench, bondage table, whips, chains, an adornment of sex toys, and restraints.

 _Is it fucking wrong to get incredibly hard thinking of all the things my Domme could do to me with these things?_

I approach the bed and see a blue button up, black boxer briefs, and black slacks neatly folded with a note on top. I grab them and head straight to the ensuite to get dressed and ready for tonight's scene.

As I'm walking towards the ensuite, I feel the hair on skin raise, it's odd. _Maybe I'm just… overly excited?_ Nope, that's not it. I have this suspicious feeling about the room itself. I don't know exactly what it is, but there's something here.

 _Fuck it! No time to ponder._

As I enter the ensuite, I look over the note.

" _Trev,_

 _You will notice a St. Andrew's cross in the middle of the room, your Domme would like you to be kneeling in front of it. My apologies for giving you the wrong information in the email._

 _All my best,_

 _Leila Williams Manager of the Power Exchange"_

I take the note and leave it on the table. As soon as I strip out of my clothes and neatly fold them, I pull up the box briefs, put on the blue button up, zip up the black slacks, and head back out to the actual room. _I feel like some type of business going into the office._ _My everyday attire._ I go to the middle of the room in front of the St. Andrew's Cross and get into the position the Domme requested and wait. I don't know the exact time is anymore, but judging by how quickly I got here and ready, I'd say she should show up in about five or ten minutes.

I'm patiently waiting when I suddenly hear sensual music playing in the background and the lights dim to low. _Click-clack, click-clack_ hitting the ground.

 _Fuck._ I can't lie, I enjoy _that_ noise so much.

I feel a semi coming along.

 _Breathe_ , I remind myself.

"Hello, pet." The heels are clicking as the woman in the room circles around me. Just hearing her voice has me on edge, I'm ready for whatever she's willing to do to my body.

Wait… that voice does _not_ sound like Vivian's.

 _There's something in her voice that sounds familiar._

 _What is it?_

"I love how you're in the perfect position, pet. Lovely." She stops right in front of me, "I am your Domme and inside of the scene, you are to address me as Goddess. While we are outside of the scene and just in case we bump each other out of the parameters of these four walls, you may address me as Rose."

I take a sharp breath. _Rose?_

 _Is this pure coincidence that she'd like to be addressed at Rose?_

This definitely can't be Vivian; she loved to be addressed as Vixen when we'd scene.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ This can't be, right? Can it?

"Do you understand me, pet?" She questions harshly since I haven't answered her yet.

 _Fuck._

"I understand, Goddess," I answer as I try to rid myself of the coincidence of this Rose and my Rose.

 _Maybe Vivian is playing some type of fucking sick joke on me._

 _She knows about MY Rose._

"What about you? What shall I call you beyond of these four walls?" She asks as she taps her foot on the ground.

 _Probably fucking irritated by me not answering quick enough._

"Trev," I answer shortly.

 _If this was Vivian, why the fuck would she even ask the damn question? She knows I used Trev, anywhere and everywhere that I scene at._

"Very well. Now pet, I have read over your limits, have you read over mines?"

"Yes, Goddess." _Fuck, why am I already painfully hard just listening to her talk?_

 _How is this possible?_

"Good. What are your safewords?"

"Sun and moon."

"Do I need to remind you when to use your safewords?"

"No, Goddess."

"Good. I would like you to close your eyes, and then I would like you to stand." I close my eyes and stand up at her command.

"Is this your first scene, pet?"

"No, Goddess."

I hear her walking around, but I have no idea exactly where she is headed.

"Why don't you go ahead and tell me an _implement_ you'd like us to play with tonight."

"Yes, Goddess." I pause, "a whip, Goddess." _My personal favorite._

I hear her walk towards the wall filled with all types of crops, floggers, canes, and whips that I saw earlier. While I'm just listening to the music playing in the background and it's making me grow anxious. _What kind of whip will she choose?_

Suddenly, I hear her voice, and she sounds so close. "I will use this later on, don't worry." She tells me as I hear her set it down. "You look fucking delicious right now." She says as she smacks my lower back with a flogger while walking around me, and I take a harsh breath.

 _Holy fuck._

"Hmmm." She says as she strokes my back with the flogger, then she smacks my mid-back, and I'm now in sensory overload. I'm trying not to think about what she'd do next because all my pain and pleasure, it now belongs to her. I'm trying to force these thoughts of out of me while I can because I don't want to be distracted by my own thoughts.

I hear her walk away, and I try to control my ragged breathing, I'm already so worked up, and she hasn't really done much yet.

"You may look at me." Her firm voice resonates through the room, and I look up.

 _Holy fucking shit._ The silhouette of my Goddess is out of this fucking world. She has long hair that is cascading down her back in a ponytail, with the flogger in her left hand. I can't see her eyes, but just by seeing the frame of her face, I can tell she's a fucking _beauty._ Her body looks petite, and she seems to be wearing something _tight,_ possibly. Just looking at her silhouette alone; she looks enticing, phenomenal, alluring, desirable, and every name in the damn book. I wish I could see her eyes and her smile; I'd probably be a goner. My eyes continue to rack over her body; her breast look fucking fantastic, the outline of her lips look plump and utterly kissable and fuck her ass looks unfuckingbelievable. _Damn it._ _She's smoking hot._

" _Rose…"_ I whisper, trying to bring my mind to some type of normality into the situation that we're in, knowing it's anything but. My cock stands at attention staring at the _beautiful_ Goddess in front of me.

I'm staring at her, licking my lips when her harsh voice brings me back to the reality of our situation.

"Are we outside of these four walls?"

I shake my head.

"Answer me, pet!" She says harshly.

"No, Goddess."

"Did I get you permission to speak just awhile ago?"

 _I fucking forgot we were in a scene and here I am, gawking the fuck out of my Goddess._

"No, Goddess."

"I'll let that go this time, but let me assure you… I will not be letting you slide again." She tells me in a nonsense tone.

"I understand, Goddess. Thank you."

"I will blindfold you now." She puts on the blindfold, and now I can't see her. "Let's get started, pet." I instinctively slightly bow my head.

"Stand." I comply.

"I'm going to undress you, pet." She whispers seductively and breathes in deeply.

Listening to her breathe _in and out_ is so fucking erotic. I don't know if it's because I'm so impatient and aching for her touch or I'm just excited.

It's all of it.

 _Fuck me…_

"Yes, Goddess." I pant out.

I can't believe listening to her breathe is making me painfully hard. Maybe it's not just that, but it's also because of the fucking images I have going on in my head of things she _could_ do to me tonight. Goddamnit, I'm a fucking mess right now.

I swear, it's her strawberry scent. It's clouding my mind, and I can't think straight.

Suddenly I feel shy, _fuck_. She's going to undress me and see my manhood as if she didn't see it strained in these fucking slacks enough. I guess my erection should thank her because it's been painfully hard the minute I walked in here.

She begins, and I feel her breath on my body. I try to remain calm under her touch, but every time she touches my skin, even lightly, it ignites something in me. _A spark._ As she finishes unbuttoning the blue button up, she pushes it softly off of my shoulders, then starts her quick work with the zipper on my slacks. _My heart is beating erratically._ As soon as my slacks and boxer are off, my erections springs to life and all I hear is "mmm" coming from my Goddess. I'm naked as the day I was born, and she kisses the tip of my cock as my body tenses, _I didn't expect that._ She begins to suck lightly, just on the tip and I try hard to not groan at her light admissions.

She is driving me insane by sucking, but only enough to leave me wanting _more_ from her.

"Mmm, I like what you're packing, pet." She tells me, "It seems as if parts of you are very excited to see what I have planned for you tonight." She sucks on the tip of my cock one more time. Then, I don't feel her anywhere near me, but I hear the clicking of her heels. _Fuck._

Suddenly, I feel her right in my ear, "Listen very closely, pet. I will guide you to the St. Andrew's Cross which is located directly behind you, and then I will restrain you." I feel the heat of her body penetrating around me, her strawberry scent filling my nostrils, and I so badly want to touch her. Her voice is so fucking calming and melodic.

 _There is something about it that I can't put my finger on._

"Yes, Goddess."

 _I'm ready to give myself up willingly to her._

She instructs me to stand with my arms stretch upwards, and my legs parted pretty far apart, in the position of the X. "I'm going to restrain you now, pet." And she does so. "Good boy." She praises me after she's done securing me.

I am entirely under her control, naked, and at her mercy, spread eagle. God, it feels good; so fucking good. But, my never-ending thoughts just wouldn't stop fucking with me; not one bit. _Fuck, she wants to be called Rose. Surely, this can't be MY Rose, and it's all pure coincidence. I'll leave it at that,_ I tell myself over and over again. I'm brought out of my thoughts with the clicking of her heels hitting the ground; she sounds like she's on the other side of the room.

While I'm standing here, restrained, alone, willing, aroused, and anxious as fuck.

"I want you to enjoy tonight as much as I will, and as your Goddess, I'll love administering your pain and your pleasure." She states in a calm tone as I hear her walking back my way. "Don't speak. The only sounds I want to hear are your groans and moans, nothing else. Do you understand?"

"Yes, God-" _Wack!_ I get the first blow with what I'm assuming is the whip I chose. _Fuck, does it feel so fucking good._ Blow after blow to my ass, abs, and thighs; I couldn't help but groan in response. The feeling is intense, but it brings insane pleasure. "Remember, you can use your safe words when needed." She reminds me, and I nod.

"I love how you're so compliant, pet." She kisses the middle of my back, "I also enjoy how your skin is red like strawberries." She praises me as she administers another hit my ass. "Delicious." _Wack!_ Which is harder than the last hit.

"Ugh," I moan loudly.

She knows exactly how to work the whip and inflict just the right amount of pain; it's almost fucking cathartic.

She grabs my face and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. Her lips are _so soft and plump._ "I love hearing your pleasure, pet. It makes me wet with need." She purrs and fuck, my erection is probably turning fucking purple by now. I hear her shuffle, and suddenly, my cock is wet.

"Mmm," she sucks my cock tightly with her lips like she's sucking on a lollipop. "You taste so fucking good." She runs her tongue over the tip of my cock, and I hiss in return. "Moans and groans, remember pet?" I hear her voice, then she goes back to her quick work on my cock, taking me so dangerously close to her throat. "Don't cum yet," she says, and she runs her tongue along my length, which sends shivers down my spine. _God, it feels so fucking amazing._ "Yum. I think you've managed extremely well, would you like a reward for being such a good boy?"

 _Fuck, I thought I was going to get a release._

"Whatever pleases you, Goddess," I say with a strained voice.

 _I really need to unload._

She's now standing right in front me because I can feel her breath on my chest, and it sort of _tickles._ "I'm going to take off the restraints and then guide you to the bondage table." She kisses my chest ever so lightly.

"Yes, Goddess." She begins to take off the restraints on my hands, then on my feet. She lets me stretch for a bit, then instructs me towards a table.

"You are now in front of the bondage table, carefully get on, and I'll restrain you when you are comfortable." I quickly get on the table and lay straight on my back. This bondage table is more _comfortable_ than most. Once she asked if I was comfortable, she restrained my hands and feet. I'm yet again, willing and naked, in front of my Goddess.

"Ready for your reward, pet?"

"Yes, Goddess."

One minute, I'm just laying down with my eyes closed under the blindfold, waiting. Then, I hear a zipper go down, and no later than a few second... two fingers intrude my mouth. I begin to suck, and I taste something so _sweet._

"You like that, pet?" I suck harder, and I swear, her fingers just came out of her juicy pussy. "Do you _taste_ that pet?" I moan at her words. _Fuck._ She really knows how to get me worked up. All too soon, she pulls her fingers out of her mouth, and I miss her sweet nectar. I begin to hear her unzip, not just one, but at least three times.

As I'm laying there patiently, waiting… I suddenly feel movement at the top of my head. "I'm going to climb on top of you." Is all she says, and then suddenly I feel her legs on both sides of my face, and the heat of her pussy right on top of my face. _Holy fuck._ I wish I weren't blindfolded just so I could see her swollen, wet pussy. "I want you to eat my pussy while I give you the blowjob of your life. Remember, moans and groans are all I want to hear. You may cum without permission."

She begins to suck on the tip of my cock, teasing me, as I jerk my body forward. _Control your body, Trev._ Before I start my feast, I inhale her sweet, musky scent. I moan at her delicious smell and begin to run my tongue along her slit, lapping up all the juices that I can; stroking my tongue in and out of her sweet pussy.

Relishing her taste, devouring her pussy, savoring the smell of her arousal, fucking her with my tongue.

Simultaneously, she's at the same pace taking in the length of my cock in her hot, tight mouth. God, she's a fucking pro. _I fucking love it._

 _My Goddess is amazing._

And when I thought things couldn't get any better, she begins to suck harder on my cock. _I may combust any minute now._ I've never done this with a woman before, _ever_.

It feels fucking phenomenal.

I feel my dick hit the back of her throat, and I'm a goner. "I'm going to cum, Goddess." I don't know how I lasted _this_ long without coming. _Fuck._

All I hear is, "mhmm," and with that, "Goddess!" I shout, coming so hard in spurts, and so much that I fear she might choke. But, she surprises me by swallowing everything I've unloaded. After I take a few breaths, I dive right back in to eat her pussy, fucking her as fast as I can with my tongue. Her body tenses not too long after, I can feel it as she squeezes her thighs against my face, and she detonates.

"Ah, fuck! Fuck! Yes, yes!" is all she says, and I welcome her juices by opening wide and sucking harder.

 _She tastes fucking exquisite._

" _My God!"_ She says, and I feel so calm and sated. We didn't even have any penetration, and here I am… so satisfied with my Goddess's admissions. She gives my flaccid dick a kiss then climbs off of me. "One moment," I hear her say, and walk away.

The music is now turned off, and I'm sure the lights are on. She's close again, I can feel her. "I will untie you from the restraints; then you may take off your blindfold once you sit up."

"Yes, Goddess." She carefully takes off my restrains, and I sit up and take off my blindfold. I look to my left, and I'm gazing into the most beautiful blue eyes I thought I'd never see again.

"Anastasia," I say, "my Rose," I continue, and she puts her hand up to silence me.

"Not right now, Trevor. The scene might be over but, we still have aftercare. I'm going to get some cream to rub on you, and then we can get dressed." She pauses, "after we finish aftercare and getting dressed, we can talk then." I nod. She comes back fully clothed with the cream, and she starts to caress my skin, hesitantly. _It feels so good._ It's an overwhelmingly odd experience to be touched by her like this. We just fucking finished doing a scene, and here is MY Rose, giving me aftercare.

 _Is this not her first time, too?_

She tends to me most tenderly, and I can't help but feel… cherished by her. But, that's just not it. There's something more…

 _Safe_ is what I feel.

 _With her._

 _Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that Anastasia would be a Domme._

 _No less, my Domme, tonight._

I must admit, I've never come as hard as I have than with her. Even with Vivian, I've never come this hard, _and that's saying something._

 _Fuck, Vivian._ I thought I was going to scene with her tonight; I was mentally preparing myself for it. With everything she was mentioning at the bottom of the staircase; I could have sworn she was going to be my Domme. But, low and behold this beauty… _my_ beauty _is_ my Domme. It must have just been pure coincidence that I ran into Vivian tonight, and I can't lie about how happy I am with _her_ not being my Domme. Don't get me wrong, Vivian is not a lousy Domme, not at all. She taught me about this lifestyle, and I couldn't be more thankful for it. But, our time _is_ and _was_ done already, so trust me when I say how glad the turn of events tonight.

Rose made me cum once, and hard without penetration; it felt close to the feeling of having sex. I don't think this has ever happened to me before. I came with the mindset that my cock would get some action, and it did… just not by what I expected it with. I can't believe she also let me get a taste of her when she came... _Fuck, I bet she looked beautiful with my dick down her throat._

I've never felt so sated in my life, even after just _one_ night. _She makes me feel that way._

I just got done putting my leather jacket back on when she decides to have a few words with me, finally.

"What made you want to join the lifestyle?" She eyes me curiously as I sit down on the couch, and she sits down on the bed, not too far away from me.

"My past," I blurt out quickly without thinking. _Damnit,_ I don't think I should tell her about how Vivian introduced me to the lifestyle, and how I found vanilla sex nothing like I imagined it would be. "I don't really like to talk much about it," I mention hoping she won't ask me anything else, and I hang my head in shame. In truth, my past did somehow affect the reasons why I'm into the lifestyle, but it's not the _whole_ reason why.

 _I feel ashamed for basically using my past as my cover._

 _I feel ashamed for not being completely honest._

 _There was a time when I felt comfortable telling her everything and anything, and now I don't know why I feel like I have to hide._

"I can hear the shame in your voice. There is no need to feel ashamed of your past, we all have one." She tells me sincerely. "We're older now. You can talk to me… Trevor. You can tell me what you want to share. I can tell you're not telling the whole truth. I am here to take care of you and your needs sexually, but I'm also here for you… not just for that. I'm willing to listen and be here for you… as someone, you can be comfortable talking with. You can trust me."

 _How'd she know I wasn't telling the whole truth?_

 _She's the sweetest thing._

 _But, I don't want her to be tainted by my past._

 _Any of it._

 _Not by my so-called mother. Not by my abuser. Not by my irresponsible college years. Not by Vivian._

"Why are you a submissive, and not a dominant?"

 _Fuck, might as well tell her something, so that she's off of my back about this._

"Well, when I was in foster care I always felt like I needed to please people. I guess that followed me all the way up to adulthood. I also have trust issues, and being able to trust someone implicitly makes it easier for me to trust others." I take a deep breath. "In my workplace, I'm the one in charge and command. Sometimes, I just like to relinquish myself from all of that. Let someone else take control and make decisions for me. It makes me feel free, you know? It's absolutely liberating. I don't have to make decisions, I don't have to think, I don't have to worry what will happen next, and I don't have to be afraid." I tell her, and she takes her finger, brings it to my chin, and lifts my head up as I look into her blue orbs.

 _Gray to ocean blue._

"When I'm speaking to you, I don't want you to look down at the ground. Do you understand?" My eyes widen at her tone. _Fuck, she reminds me of Mrs. Pierce._ "Don't ever feel afraid to tell me what or why I would never judge you." I nod again. "I understand where you are coming from, and trust me when I say that I will never violate your trust. Your trust is paramount to me, and as your Domme, I hold that in the highest regard." I smile at this. "Don't be afraid; you are safe… with me."

 _God, I still love her._ But, I can't say that _now._

"If you agree, I'd like you to be my submissive and mine only," she tells me, and fuck does it sound hot coming from her. "I understand your limits, and I'm sure you've read over mines. If you agree, we can continue this."

 _She wants me to be hers._

 _And only hers._

"I'd love that, Goddess," I tell her with a small smile on my face.

We continued our small talk, and I told her more about my life here in Seattle. Immediately after we both took a third look at each others' limits one more time, she left.

 _I'm hers_ ; I smiled to myself.

I can't believe it.

 _Why was she in such a hurry?_ I decided to wait about twenty minutes before I leave the club. I think that's more than enough time for her to make her escape.

 _Why is she running away from me?_

 _Did she not enjoy herself as much as I?_

As I get into my car, I can't help but think about what happened tonight. Who knew I'd run into the girl who captured my heart with her big blue eyes and her melodic voice all those years ago.

I remember telling her I'd hope that someday, we'd meet again.

 _And it happened._

 _Is this what people call fate?_

As soon as I get home, I take a hot shower. When I'm done, I feel so relaxed; it's as if all the built-up tension and stress has left my body. My mind is at a sense of peace, something I don't think I've ever felt before. I head straight to bed with a smile on my face with hopes of dreams of my blue-eyed Goddess, _Anastasia Rose._

The scene we had, the talk we shared, the agreement we made, and her wanting me means more to me than she probably knows.

Because being _hers_ is all I've ever wanted.

* * *

It's supposed to be longer, but this seems like a natural break for these two!

Yay, they're back together again ;) I couldn't keep them apart for too long… just some years have passed. No biggie! Hehe.

Reminder: Ana is in control. I know she has a cigarette burn on each of her thighs, but remember, Trevor is bound and blindfolded the whole scene. Therefore, she feels comfortable in the situation because he can't see or touch her scars.

Thanks for reading! Please don't forget to leave a review and share your thoughts with me! I always enjoy reading them!

 **BONUS: You're in for a treat! Two updates in one day! OhCathy and I updated _The Roommate,_ go check it out! ;)**

See you all at the next update! x


	6. Chapter 6 - Losing It All

**A/N:** Hello everyone and welcome back! I wanted to update sooner (like yesterday) but, FF wanted to be a butt! Also, I wasn't 100% happy with the chapter a couple of days ago, and I'm still not. Ugh! Anywhoo, thank you for continuing to support my story! I read every review/PM, and I just want to thank you all :)

 _Big thank you to my girl, OhCathy for helping me out with this chapter! Love you to the moon and back, and then some ;)_

Excuse any mistakes, they're all mine!

Enjoy loves! See you at the bottom!

* * *

Chapter 6 - Losing It All

 _ **TPOV**_

You can say after Rose, and I verbally agreed to our arrangement, things have been smooth sailing between one another. We've mainly just had scenes at the Power Exchange. Rose managed to get us the private room every time we would; _I wonder if she's best friends with the owner or something._

It's been everything I imagine it to be, well, besides the fact that she's still very adamant about keeping the blindfold on when we'd scene... other than that, she's been amazing during our scenes in a private room, and in the _privacy_ of a _hotel room._

Nonetheless, I love being hers and _only_ hers.

After a month of our arrangement, I began to see her relax and get more comfortable with me. _I'm so happy about that._ It took us awhile, but we eventually got there. We even had sex, which is something she said she _didn't_ plan on doing. I don't know why; she's a fucking natural. And, she's the one that initiated it, I was surprised. Even then, I still followed all of her commands because I understood her need to be in control; it radiated off of her body, her attitude, and her presence. From then forward we'd make _love_ more than we _fucked_. And we'd mak _e love_ more than having a scene. _It was blissful for me._ She was the first woman I loved having vanilla with. I loved being her submissive, but I _think_ I _loved_ just being _her_ Trevor, more.

We argued a lot during the beginning, and sometimes it would hurt when she would dismiss my thoughts and feelings.

But, the one thing that always bothered me the most was the distance that Rose would put between the both of us. And right when I thought I put a wall down, I was utterly wrong, and it's up higher than I'd ever imagined. _What happened to her? Why are her walls so high? It seems like they'll never go down._ It bothered me a lot, and that's just putting it mildly.

 _But, I knew I still loved her._

 _And I knew she was still mine._

 _She was always mine since we were teenagers._

xxx xxx

Months into our arrangement, I decided to propose that we try to pursue something _more_. _She's the first person I've ever wanted to be within this way._ She was reluctant about it at first, but she loosened up and got somewhat okay with the idea. It wasn't easy, but so worth it.

Did she frustrate me? _Yes._

Did I love her any less? _No._

 _But, who knew that being in a "normal" relationship would be so hard?_ _Was she always like this?_

Because even with all these issues we've had, I still wanted to be with her. Whether that be in agreement or not, _I'd take Rose anyway I could have her._

 _Distance or no distance between us._

 _I belong to her._

 _And she belongs to me._

 _Right?_

xxx xxx

It's the morning after we spent a night at one of the hotel's that Rose books for us. And last night, while stuck in my thoughts about how much I don't know about Rose, and why things are the way that they are; I got a call from a client out in Portland. After an hour, I had a flight booked and explained it all to Rose. I _needed_ to travel for this case, and I also felt like I _needed_ to take some space away from Rose. She's consumed my every waking thought, and I still wanted _more_ from her. My day was never complete without her; I ached for her touch, I needed to hear her voice, and I loved her… so much. I wanted _more_ , so much _more_ out of what we share.

I didn't want just to be Domme and sub, boyfriend and girlfriend; I wanted her to be as much mine as I am hers, which is _all of me._

Since she was that shy, timid thirteen-year-old girl, _she had my heart._

Every fiber of my being, it was all hers.

I just hope she'd want to be _mine_.

I've got time to work it all out; I'll be gone for hopefully a week, tops. I put on my coat and walk out of the bedroom. "I'm going now, babe," I tell Rose as I stand at the end of the couch.

"Why do you insist on these lovey-dovey nicknames?" She looks at me puzzled, and I shrug it off.

"I love calling you these names, _my love_ ," I tell her lovingly, in hopes that she'll warm up to the idea.

"I guess?" She says confused. "Well, I don't want you to go; I need you. What am I going to do for a whole week?" She pouts, as she's sipping on her morning coffee on the couch.

 _She's so cute._

"I have work to do, you know… my job?"

"Are you being smart, Trevor?" She eyes me.

"Never, babe," I smirk, "you have a job too, you know?"

"That's what I thought." She says, and she saunters up to me and binds my hands over my head. "I know I have a job. But, I also have _another_ job, and that's to make sure I take care of what's mine." She grabs hold of my cock and begins to stroke it, while my manhood is confined in my slacks. After a few stroke, she kisses me possessively on the lips, and desire courses through my body. _I love this woman so much._ It's an all-consuming and breathtaking type of kiss. "You better come back soon, _baby_. I'll miss you, these fucking lips of yours, your huge cock, and this impressive body way too _fucking_ much." She kisses my neck, and I have to purse my lips to stifle a groan. "Don't fucking pleasure yourself while you're gone, unless I give you permission to, do you understand?" She says as she trails kisses along my jaw and nips at my ear.

 _God… call me baby again._

"Ye-ye-yes, Goddess." I moan. _Fuck._ I'll never be able to leave at this rate.

"Give me your tie." She commands, and I loosen it from my neck and hand it to her. "Go stand by the bed, eyes closed, head downcast, and hands behind your back." She commands, and I damn near run to the bed. _She knows exactly what I need._

 _We need this._

"Yes, please, Goddess." I quickly walk to the bed and get into the position she told me.

"Hmmm." I hear her walk into the room, but I can't see her. She walks around me, and I feel her secure handcuffs on my hands behind my back, _I gasp_ at how cold they feel. "I'm going to blindfold you as well." He tells me as she begins to cover my eyes with the tie I handed to her.

"Permission to speak, Goddess." She stops midway.

"Go ahead, pet."

"Why do you keep me blindfolded and bound if we're doing vanilla?" I ask hesitantly.

"Because I want to. I thought you understood this? We talked about it. Is there something wrong, Trevor?"

"No. Well, I was just wondering because I've never seen you naked. Also, I've never been able to touch you," I answer honestly. "And I want to."

"Do you now," I gasp as I feel her lips on my chest.

"Ye-ye-yes, Goddess." I groan while feeling her pepper kisses all over my upper chest.

"Not yet, Trevor. And I don't know if ever. I just don't feel comfortable. Do you understand?" _But, why?_

"I understand, Goddess." I lie. I want to know, but I don't want to push her. I guess I can continue to keep it to myself and save it for another time. "Do you think maybe… you could, uh, ah, take off the handcuffs?" I rush out. "I won't touch you where you don't want me to, I promise. I will keep my hands on your waist." I plead with my eyes, "I held you on your waist even if it wasn't for that long when we first kissed eight years ago." I smile at the memory and open my eyes.

 _Fuck, her eyes are just magnificent._

 _I can't get over them._

She stares at me, and it makes me nervous. I see an array of emotions pass through those beautiful blue eyes, and then a small smile creeps up on her face. "I remember," she whispers. "I guess, but you _must_ keep your hands where I guide them, nowhere else, do you understand?" She says, changing her tone of voice.

"Yes, Ro-" she gives me a pointed look, while I look at her confused?

"Let's just… try to be _Trevor_ and _Ana_ right now, okay? We'll… try." She tells me in the most uncomfortable voice; it's almost as if she's forcing herself to say these words.

Ana? She's _never_ asked me to call her Ana. I've always been accustomed to calling her Rose.

But, I smile anyways.

She nods at me approvingly and goes to the dim the lights to low. _Fuck, why?_ I give her a confused look, and she just gives me a begging look to not question her, so I choose not to. She approaches me and then begins to take off the handcuffs, but covers my eyes the tie. _One thing at a time, Trevor._ I remind myself.

 _Does this mean she's willing to try more… for us?_

"Lay back, _baby,"_ she says, and I have a massive grin on my face. _Damnit, she knows that I love that._ I lay back onto the bed and get comfortable. Then, I feel her unbutton and unzip my trousers and pull them down alongside my underwear.

 _My erections springs to life._

I feel her lubricate my dick with her hot, tight mouth, and then I feel most of the weight of her petite body on my lower body. "I'm going to give you the ride of your life, _baby._ " Suddenly, I feel her small hands around my dick, and she holds it right at her entrance. Just a few seconds later, she slams down hard on my dick with her slippery, wet folds, and I hiss in pleasure. "Put your hands on my waist, _slowly,_ please _!"_ She tells me as I hesitantly rest my hands softly at her waist. I feel her tense, but then begin to relax after she takes a few deep breaths.

She begins to ride my dick, _hard_ with her hands flat against my chest. With how fast she's slamming down on my dick, I can tell how she's turned on by how much control she has over my body, over my orgasms, and over _me_.

 _All_ of me.

Fuck! Feeling her walls around my dick is fucking euphoric.

 _I love it._

"Dig your nails into my skin, _Trevor._ Do it, _hard._ " She commands, and I do just that, " _harder,_ " she says, and I dig my nails into her, but afraid that I may leave a mark on her white, creamy skin. "Fuck!" She says as she keeps bouncing on my dick. "Meet me, Trevor. Meet me _thrust_ for _thrust_ ," she tells me, " _Fuck_ me, Trevor," and I'm in total shock. She's never asked me to do anything like this before, but I'm all too happy to oblige.

I know vanilla sex is supposed to be _natural,_ but Ana and I are anything but.

I love it when she tells me what to do and exactly _how_ to do it.

I begin to lift the bottom half of my body, meeting her thrusts, _fucking_ and _loving_ her. _It's so intense,_ and I feel like I'm going in deeper into her. "Yes, oh fucking hell, yes! That's it, _baby_ , keep ramming your dick into me." She says, and it arouses me even more. _I love it when she talks dirty to me_ as I'm fucking her like a madman. I feel my balls being to tingle, and I know I'm going to cum soon.

Suddenly, I feel her push my tie off of the top of my eyes, and I'm met with a _dark_ shade of blue.

They're close to a pitch black.

It's full of carnal, pure lust, the _need_ for our bodies to be connected as one.

I love it.

 _Goddamnit, she's fucking beautiful._

She stares my gray eyes down with her darkened blue ones and screams my name in pure ecstasy, as she then cums all over my dick.

After a few more thrusts, "Ana, I'm going to cum," I tell her as I slow down my movements, but surprisingly, she doesn't.

 _She is riding out her orgasm._

 _Fuck me…_

"Cum inside me, Trevor. I want your hot, white cum deep inside of me," she says, and my body stills as I cum out of response. _Fuck!_

"Anastasia! Fuck, I love it when you ride me, _baby._ " I say while I'm coming deep inside of her, and I have to catch my breath.

Everytime Ana and I have a scene, fuck, or make love… I'm always losing my breath.

She quickly takes the tie and puts it back over my eyes after we both calm down, and then slides off my flaccid dick. _What the fuck?_ I have no idea why she never lets me see her naked. I should have taken the time to try and memorize her beautiful body, but instead, I was entranced by her dark, gorgeous eyes, I couldn't look away.

"Feel better?" She asks as she walks back into the room, lights back on with a soft, white baby pink cotton robe that practically covers her whole body and a washcloth in hand.

She begins to wipe me down while I answer, "yes, thank you." I stand up from the bed and grab my clothes from the ground and begin to put it on with a pout.

 _I know I'm acting like a kid, but I thought we were getting somewhere. But, I guess not._

"Ana?" I call her name as I button the cuffs on my button up.

"Yes?" She says, and she looks out the window of our hotel room, and I approach her slowly.

"Why did you tell me to fuck you?" I ask curiously. I'm confused by her actions, she's usually not like this, even when we _do_ vanilla. But, this is the first time she proposed that we be 'Trevor and Ana,' it's clear that we don't even know how to do that. "I just want to know," I add.

"I just… I don't know. I wanted to feel you _deeper_ within me. I feel this _connection_ with you, Trevor. The connection we have, it's deeper than I've ever _felt_ with anyone else. I guess I just wanted to see just _how deep_ the connection between us goes. I've never let anyone do that, but with you, I'm willing to try." She explains while still looking out the window. "I know I don't share enough of myself with you, but I'm trying. I hope you can see that." She says as I see her bring her hand to her face, and I hear her sniffle, "or do I have it wrong?"

 _Fuck, is she crying?_

"Oh, God! I have it wrong, don't I? I did it all wrong?" She says panicked. "Your silence… it tells me everything!" She screams.

I take a seat next to her, just wishing she would look at me, but she refuses. "Ana, _baby_ … no, you're not wrong! This connection we share, it's special. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before. You are so unique and special to me; I hope you know that. Our connection is deeper than the depths of the ocean, trust me when I say this." I tell her while reaching out for her hand, and instead of her hand, I'm met with a pair of sad, blue eyes.

"Are you sure that what I share with you… is enough?" She asks, and I caress her face with the back of my hand.

"Of course you are, Ana. You are everything to me." I tell her, and she closes her eyes.

"If you felt uncomfortable with what I was telling you to do during our _vanilla_ sex, you can just tell me. I know we weren't in a scene... I just..." She trails off while opening up her eyes.

And to me, at this moment, I realize that she's _trying_ to open up to me… more.

"I didn't feel uncomfortable, Ana. I love it when you tell me what to do, and when _you_ are in control. Don't ever doubt that. Yes, I _did_ enjoy it more, but that's simply because I _felt_ you on a deeper level. Being able to look into your eyes..." I kiss her on the forehead.

We sit there for a few moments, and I realize that I still have to stop by my place before the airport. "Ana, I have to go. I'm so sorry that I have to go. But, I will be back. Don't worry," I stand up and put on my jacket, then walk towards the door with her behind me, holding my hand.

"Duty calls," she tells me sadly while we stand in front of the door. "Text me when you land, please."

"I will," I tell her and kiss her on the cheek.

"Good boy. Now, off you go." She gives me a long kiss on the lips, "I love you," I whisper against her lips.

"I love you, too," she tells me back and then begins to walk back to the couch.

Fuck, watching her ass sway makes my dick twitch in my trousers.

 _Fuck._ Just hearing her say that she loves me makes me want to stay.

But, I have to leave.

xxx xxx

Three weeks later and I'm on the plane back home to Seattle, back to my girl.

I am exhausted, sexually frustrated, mentally drained, and I need a fucking scene, pronto.

I'm so excited, although she seemed anxious when I spoke to her.

Since the plane took off, it's been having a bunch of on and off turbulence; it's making me feel _so_ uneasy. I'm sitting in my seat, eyes closed with a death grip on my thighs. _This is fucking ridiculous_.

After twenty minutes of straight turbulence, I decide to go to the restroom and wash my face and hands. _I can't deal with this right now!_ The damned turbulence is making me sweat like a dog on a hot day. As I enter the bathroom and lock the door, I quickly turn the water on a wash my face with cold water. Suddenly, the plane is shaking very badly; I'm holding onto the sink in the restroom. I hear a ding happen, "ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem... All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. Please try to remain calm and have your seatbelts fastened."

 _What the fuck?_ I grab a towel and wipe my face, then quickly exit the restroom. As I'm walking down the aisle, I see everyone _trying_ to remain calm, but you can see it plain as day that they're freaking the fuck out. _What the fuck is exactly happening?_ I'm so close to my seat when the plane begins to descend downward quickly, and I fall to the ground, hard.

 _Very hard._

I try to lift my head when all I hear is, "heads down, brace, heads down, brace!" Suddenly, something comes down from the cabins up top and hits me in the back of my head…

All I see is black.

* * *

 _ **One month later**_

I open my eyes with a smile on my face. Wherever I am, wherever I've chosen to be, it's beautiful.

It's a garden full of bloomed roses. _This place seems familiar._

I'm laid out on the grass, the sun is shining, and I hear a voice in the distance.

 _It's her voice, but I can't make out everything she's saying._

"And they lived happily ever after…" she says in a concluding tone and giggles. _What? I didn't even hear the whole story._

I set myself up and turn to my left, and I'm awestruck, staring at the silhouette of a beautiful woman walking around the garden. Her chocolate brunette hair is blowing wildly in the wind, but I can't make out her full face. _She's too far for me to see._

But, she looks magnificent from this view.

" _Did you hear me?" She asks muffled in the distance, and I nod._

Her voice is melodic; it's almost like the type of melody you wouldn't mind paying over and over again. I try to reach out to her, but she too far away. She always seems to be unreachable.

" _Trevor..._ " I hear, and her voice always seems to fade.

Who's Trevor?

 _How come I can never reach her?_

" _Trevor…"_ There it is again.

" _Trevor, come on! It's been a month. We need you to wake up."_

I look around for this unfamiliar voice.

That's not the beautiful woman's voice; it's a different voice.

And why does she keep on calling me Trevor?

I close my eyes and try to focus on the woman. _Where is she?_

 _Where did she go?_

xxx xxx

I open my eyes back up, and now I'm transported to a different place. I'm in a room and laying in a big gigantic, comfortable bed. I look around, and I realize I'm not alone… the woman… she's sitting at the window with her long brunette hair and slender back facing me.

"Is that bed comfortable _?"_ She asks, although seemingly close, yet she sounds so far away.

She looks so peaceful looking out the window, and I feel odd just staring at her.

"It sure is," I tell the beautiful woman. "Do you always look this beautiful?" I ask, sitting up on the bed.

 _I feel safe and content because even though she sounds so far away, her being near makes me feel… happy._

"Why does it look like we're in a dream?" I look around, and everything just seems too perfect.

" _Because we sort of are. It's hard to explain."_

 _Where are we?_ I think to myself. I want to stand up from this bed and approach her, but I fear that she may disappear again, and I might transport to a place I don't want to.

" _You're resting. You need to wake up." She tells me and breaks me from my thoughts._ " _Your family… they need you._ "

"Family? Are they here? Where?" I begin to look around.

She then gets up from the spot she was sitting at in front of the window and begins to walk towards the door. _"No, they are not. You ... here, ... me. But, they're waiting for you to ... It's been a long and dreadful for them. We can't ... here forever."_

I'm so confused about her and this place. How come I can hear her voice, but I can't make out everything she's saying? It's as if there are blanks to what she's trying to tell me. "I'm happy here with you. I want to stay with you." I tell her, panicked and thinking she'll walk out that door. "If I leave, will you come back with me?"

" _I know you are, but you can't." She sighs, "and no, I can't come back with you."_

"Why not?"

" _Because this is where I'm meant to be. Besides, do you really think you know me?"_

"But, I do."

" _What's my name then?"_

"I don't know, but I know that you're beautiful."

" _Just wake up. Wake up for me, please." She begs._

"If I go, will you always be with me?"

" _Of course I will. You don't have to worry about that. Are you ready to finally wake up?"_

"Yes," I answer and get up from the bed and walk towards the door where she is near.

" _Walk through this door, and it will take you back to where you belong."_

"Okay," I answered shakily. I don't necessarily _know_ this beautiful woman, but for some odd reason I find comfort in her presence, and I _trust_ her. "I'm ready," I tell her. She opens the door and walks right through, and I follow behind her in hopes that where I may be, she will always be with me.

xxx xxx

For the first time, I don't want to open my eyes. It hurts to try and open them, _why?_ I hear some beeping noise going on and shuffling right next to me. I slowly begin to open my eyes and blink.

I feel so disoriented.

Two blinks.

Three blinks.

My eyes finally adjust.

"Trevor! Oh my gosh! DOCTOR! EVERYONE! HE'S AWAKE!" I hear a woman's voice scream with joy. I look around and squint my eyes, and the light blinds me. I then notice that there's a woman at my bedside. She twists her body in my direction and grabs my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine.

"Who?"

 _Where am I?_

 _What the hell?_

"Trevor, thank goodness you've woken up! There have been people who are worried sick about you! That includes me!" I can hear the distress in this woman's voice.

 _Her voice sounds so familiar. But, who the hell is she?_

 _And who the hell is Trevor?_

"The light… it's hurting my eyes." I manage to say with a strained voice and go back to closing my eyes again.

"Oh! Let me turn it down a bit, sorry! Don't worry; I'll get the doctor, okay? Stay here!" This woman's voice finally sounds calm as she turns the light down a bit. Then, a see a rush of brunette hair exit the room.

 _Brunette._

"Where am I?" I ask as I take a look at my surroundings.

An older woman with kind brown eyes stands at my bedside. "Hi, I'm Grace Grey, and you're at the hospital. You were involved in a plane accident, but a gentleman was able to pull you and out of the plane before it blew up. It effectively saved you and his life! Isn't that great?"

I nod and stew on what she just told me.

"What plane? What accident?" I decide to voice my internal questions while feeling a little panicked.

"According to my husband, you were traveling for a case you were working on. I don't know how long you were gone exactly, but you were on your way home when the plane's engines went out. The plane crashed near Mt. St. Helens on the plane ride home from Portland. A gentleman who was still conscious was able to pull you before the plane exploded. It was only a matter of time, and luckily you were pulled out." She explains, and confusion just hits me.

 _I don't remember any of this._

My thoughts are interrupted by an older man in a white coat. He has a clipboard and a string of people behind him as he enters the room. "Trevor, I'm Dr. Mike. Welcome back." He says as he begins to take notes while taking a look at the monitors that surround me.

I look around, and I'm faced with so many people in the room that I am in, it's overwhelming.

"Who is Trevor?" I finally ask and take a look at the woman in the face, and she looks at me with wide-eyes.

Silence fills the room.

After a few moments, in walks the brunette that rushed out. "Oh! Dr. Mike! You're here! I was just out looking for you, but I got caught up at the vending machine." She holds out a bag of M&M's in her hand, then rushes back to my side.

She takes a seat and looks at me lovingly while intertwining her fingers into mine.

She's a pretty brunette with deep chocolate brown eyes.

 _She's brunette_ is all I can think about.

"Do you know who Trevor is?" I ask her, and my throat feels parched.

"You're Trevor." She says as if it's the most straightforward answer in the world. "Here, I've got some water for you." She reaches out to get a water bottle and sticks a straw in it, "take small sips," she advises, and I do so.

After small sips of water, I feel better to talk, "I'm not Trevor," I answer, my heart beating fast.

Who the fuck _is_ this woman claiming I'm this… Trevor? Why the _fuck_ does everyone keep on calling me that?

"Yes you are," she answers agitatedly.

Suddenly, another woman and two men approach me, and the woman sets her hand over mine. "Trevor James Knight, don't you dare leave us again!" She sobs, and I have no idea how to react to this. "Honey, it's me, your mother. Why are you looking at me like that?!" She cradles my faces in her hands while burying her face into my neck. "Oh, Trevor! We were so worried about you. Thank the Heavens you finally woke up!" The woman begins to sob louder while now wrapping her arms around me.

This is all too much.

 _Who the fuck is Trevor?_

 _And who the fuck are these people?_

 _Why is she touching me like this?_

 _I don't know her!_

"No, I'm not! I'm not Trevor! How many times do I need to tell you people that!" I stress, and the beep sounds begin to go wild.

"Trevor, I need you to calm down." Dr. Mike tells me in a concerning tone.

"I'M NOT TREVOR! WHO THE HELL IS TREVOR! I WANT THESE PEOPLE OUT! GET OUT!" I yell at the couple next to me, and my throat begins to hurt.

"But, Trevor, honey-"

"NO! OUT! GET OUT! NOW! I WANT YOU OUT!" I yell, and Dr. Mike speaks to them in regards to comply with my request. "LEAVE! I DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME! OUT!" I stress, and then watch them leave the room with one of the people that came in with them.

"You need to calm down. I'm sure you know by now, the more you do that, the more your throat will hurt. Please, calm down." Dr. Mike tells me, and I nod.

"I'm not Trevor." I turn to the brunette woman at my bedside.

"Okay! Okay! Calm down! Geez, Louise!" She says and begins to fan me with a piece of paper. "You'll give yourself a heart attack."

 _Me? Calm down? Who the hell is she? Why is she telling me what to do?_

"Thank you." I pause. I turn to the rest of the people in the room and apologize for my outburst, and they say that they understand. "Please stop calling me Trevor, that's not my name…" I think long and hard about my next sentence, "I think." I sit there confused.

"Let me do a quick examination." Dr. Mike says, "do you know what day it is?"

"No," I answer honestly.

"Do you know how long you've been asleep for?"

"No?" I ask, the question more for myself.

 _I don't even know what day it is._

"Do you know what happened to you?"

I pause to think. "That woman right here," I point to Grace, "she told me I was in a plane accident."

"Do you know why you were on the plane?"

"A job, apparently. That's what she told me."

 _What was my job?_

"So, before this woman said anything to you, you didn't remember a thing?" Dr. Mike just looks at me with curious eyes, and I shake my head. "Hmmm. It seems you might be experiencing memory loss." I look the Doctor, seriously confused. "I'm going to step out for a moment and consult a specialist." I nod.

One he walks out the room, my thoughts begin to evade me. Everything that I was told of what happened, I start to think hard about.

I decided to address the rest of the people to help with my never ending thoughts.

"Who are you?" I point at them, and they look at me, shocked. The woman is the first to approach me.

"As I told you before, I'm Grace, Grace Grey." She smiles at me, "this is my husband, Carrick and our kids Elliot and Mia." She points at each of them, and they smile at me. I look over at them and feel safe and comfortable around these people. _Why?_ I don't even know them, yet I don't feel the overwhelming reaction as I did with the other people that I forced out of the room. "And this is our family friend, Elena Lincoln." The blonde woman looks at me with fascination; it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

"So… you're not, my mom?"

She steps to the end of my bed, "no sweetie, I'm not your mom." A sudden feeling of disappointment washes over me.

"Why did that woman claim to be my mom? I don't know her! She's not my mom!" I tell Grace. "I don't… I don't even know who I am."

"I understand. Will you at least give them a chance to come back in?"

"No," I say sternly, and she nods.

I nod then turn my attention back to the woman at my bedside who is looking at me nervously.

 _Who is this woman?_

 _Why is she here?_

 _Why is she touching me?_

I decided that I should ask. "Now… who are you?" She holds my hand into hers, tighter as if I'll disappear. Her brunette hair falls freely in front of her, and it's… pretty.

 _Her hair_ , it smells heavenly. And _her voice_ … "Don't you remember me?" I shake my head 'no' and she giggles. _She's cute and her voice, I know it from somewhere._

"No, I don't think I do," I tell her and sit here staring at her.

 _She's brunette. She's pretty. She has to mean something to me, right?_

She leans forward, her woman parts touching the side of my arm, and gives me a light kiss on the cheek. And as she pulls back, she looks me straight in the eyes, and they're shining with so much happiness.

"Are you finally going to tell me who you are?" I ask, needing to know her name.

"I'm Susannah Lincoln." She smiles sweetly at me, and I smile at her back.

* * *

Yep. Lol.

Poor Trevor and Ana... they've both been trying in this 'relationship.'

It might be a little confusing right now, but some gaps will be filled within the next couple of chapters! Don't worry. But, I do leave some mystery behind a couple of things, it's all part of the story ;)

 _ **To answer a guest reviewer who asked if Trevor's name will ever become Christian Grey; it's coming up real soon, I promise! Stick around ;)**_

 **Thanks for reading! I have the next chapter almost done with editing; I'll have it up as soon as it's ready to go! Review ladies! ;) See you all next update! x**


	7. Chapter 7 - Our New Lives

**A/N:** **Good evening** **, all!** **Please read!** S **ome of you guys got a chapter seven update last night, but couldn't open the link. Same here and I apologize :( FF was being a butt! I deleted the chapter after an hour because I was trying to wait it out... nothing happened. But, here it is! Yay! Anywhoo,** **some** **of you are confused on what happened in the last chapter, sorry about that! But, you'll have to sit tight and read! We're not visiting where I left off in the last chapter! You guys got to see what happened to Trevor after Ana left Tennessee, and up until they meet again. I thought it'd be best also to share Ana's journey throughout that process as well! Plus, there are somethings that happen to her that serve some importance to future chapters! ;)**

 **This chapter comes after the girls' get adopted from the Kavanagh's, and they make their move to Washington! (Which is chapter 2 APOV/ chapter 3 TPOV).** **This chapter will go by relatively quick with the time jumps because I don't want to delve too much into their lives!**

 ** _Also, I promise you that this story is a Christian and Ana HEA!_**

Enough with the long author's note now, on with the story! ;)

 **Possible Trigger Warning:** There are mentions of self-harm in this chapter.

Enjoy, loves! See you at the bottom!

* * *

Chapter 7 - Our New Lives

 _ **APOV**_

 ** _Washington_**

 _ **High school (4 years)**_

Upon our move to Washington, Eamon decided to follow his dreams and start his own company finally, Kavanagh Media and Publications is what he chose to call it; something he couldn't do back home in Tennessee. It would deal with everything from communications, magazines, broadcasting, and publishing; just a couple of the things he was very passionate about. " _Always follow your dreams,"_ he told us, and there he was, creating his own.

Eamon and Claire purchased a massive home in Medina, which we immediately felt safe in. Medina is a little city in Washington and right next to Bellevue, and the house we lived in was close to the water; it was absolutely beautiful. Although it didn't matter how big, small, or beautiful the home was, Eamon and Claire _always_ made us feel safe, so we weren't expecting such a massive home to live in.

It felt nothing like the dirty old house that mama and papa provided us with, so we were more than thankful. Eamon and Claire explained that we had to attend a new school and basically live a new life... Not that we didn't mind. But, as parents, Eamon and Claire tried to bury our past as deep as they could, so that we could feel like we have a fresh start; hence, our move to Washington, which they felt was needed. Living in an entirely new place was an unsettling, yet exciting feeling. We did not have to live in fear of someone coming after us regarding our past, and we had caring, loving parents to look after us.

It felt refreshing to have someone care and love you, the way you think you're supposed to.

The drive from Medina to Downtown Seattle was brutal, and our father had a long drive to work day in and day out. But, he felt like it was worth the drive to provide for us, his family. He never failed at making us feel _important and wanted._ Once we were unpacked and settled, our parents enrolled us into Bellevue Prep, which is supposed to be for the rest of our high school years.

The first day of high school was approaching quickly… My sisters and I didn't know how we felt about it; it ultimately felt it was something we needed to do to please our parents for providing us with so much. And we weren't really given a choice even with our lack of social skills. They thought it would be good for us to have some human interaction besides the ones' we're used to, which I guess made sense.

xxx xxx

One the first day of school, my sisters and I didn't break free from each other. We were the "shy" ones, unsocial ones, and stuck to each other like glue. We knew no one, while everyone knew everyone. And although we were stuck wearing uniforms, and it felt like everyone was "treated equally," you were able to tell the big difference between those were the "popular" ones and the ones that weren't.

It sucked because I didn't share a lot of classes with my sisters, so I stuck out like a sore thumb in my classes. I only spoke when I was spoken to, during attendance ( _which being called Ana took some time getting used to)_ , and I hardly ever put my hand up to answer any of the questions. _Sitting in the back of the classroom had its advantages._ I imagined that for Kate and Ellie, they would at least make a friend or two here at Bellevue Prep. They are by no means antisocial unlike me, but with the little to no human interaction to the outside world for years with ones our age, it was a bit harder for us to adjust; mainly for me, not so much of them.

 _Wishful thinking._

 _But, c_ _ould you really blame us?_

 _Our peace was short-lived._ A few weeks have gone and passed of attending school; we were quickly considered the social outcasts and no one wanted to be friends with us. It was more so just the occasional name calling us the 'weirdos, freaks, or losers.', people throwing things at us during lunch, and rumors being spread that could potentially affect us.

 _Proven wrong, it's taken us more time to adjust then we thought._ But, none of it really mattered. We just needed to finish our high school years and move on with our lives. It was more so just the occasional name calling, people throwing things at us during lunch, and rumors being spread that could potentially affect us. _But, it was nothing that we couldn't handle._

 _We'd been through worse._

Later on in the first semester, I became even more withdrawn. To the naked eye, I was just another antisocial girl who hid behind her books and was always wary of her surroundings. But, to other students, they still saw me as an easy target because I would always shrink when I was being approached. I wouldn't talk back when they'd make fun of me, nor would I show any strength against them.

Strength wasn't my strong suit, and the bullying was mostly subjected towards me than my sisters.

I thought I could handle it, and I did _try._

Kate soon came out of her shell by joining some clubs and after-school programs. She bloomed into a social butterfly with her blonde hair and dark blue eyes; everyone suddenly loved her. _I_ _wouldn't blame them._ She was able to make one friend who then turned into two, while Ellie was able to as well because she hung out with Kate so often. My younger sisters, they flourished and opened up in a way that I couldn't. I didn't even want to hang out with Kate, Ellie or the friends that they made because I didn't feel pretty, smart, or social enough.

 _It killed me to watch them have something that I couldn't even come close to ever having._

 _But, that's what I get for being a freak._

In result, I felt more alone than I have ever felt and I started to self-harm the second semester of freshman year.

Cutting was my only escape.

It brought a sense of _peace_ that coursed through my body. It also made me feel _liberated_ and _free_. It made me feel _in control._ It was the only thing that made me feel... anything. I knew it was something I shouldn't do, but, for some reason, I couldn't stop. The constant bullying and rumors started to bother me more than I let on, and I let it all get into my head.

" _Look it's the ugly Anastasia! Ha_ _ha! You're **no** princess, why'd your parents' name you that?"_ They'd say.

I'd be made fun of every chance someone got.

It was humiliating.

Until one day, I thought I had made at least one friend. Her name was Vicky Henderson, and we had PE together, she was a junior. We were in the locker room right after class and the last ones in there. While I had my back to her, she touched my shoulder to grab my attention, and I freaked out badly. _No one has ever touched my burns beside my sisters._ I yelled at her and pushed her off really hard as if her hand was on fire. She fell to the ground with a hard thud, and I tried to control my ragged breathing.

Quickly, after that occurred, she looked at me like I was some crazed animal. "I knew you were some type of fucking freak! Wait until the whole school finds out that you acted like a crazed wild fucking animal, just because I touched your shoulder, and you fucking pushed me! Who the fuck does that?! No wonder why you have no friends! Loser!" And she began to stand up.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry." I stuttered. I gathered my stuff, ran out of the library to the nearest girls bathroom, and stayed there for the remainder of my lunch, crying my eyes out. The rest of the day was just horrible.

Vicky told the whole school through the intercom her version of what happened, and I was the laughing stalk of the day. I doubt she got in trouble for that because she was the queen of Bellevue Prep. Everyone bowed down at her feet, and kissed the ground she walked on. Vicky was the captain of the cheerleading squad, the girlfriend of the quarterback to our football team and his name was _Elliot_ , and she was the most popular girl in school. Everyone wanted to be her friend, and in her good graces, so no one dared protest against her.

 _Instead, they stood with her._

She probably was my "friend" as a joke. Some fucking joke.

Oddly enough, it made me think of _Trevor_. Why? Because he was the only person who accepted me for who I was, he was _my_ friend. But, would he have still been my friend if he found out the freak that I was? Would he have protected me? He was the only person I ever felt comfortable around, but sadly, he's not here. He's not here to see everyone laughing at me, making fun of me, and be the subject of every horrid thing that the other students brought me upon.

 _What would he think of me_ _then?_

The rest of the school day was horrible, and going home that day was the only time I'd felt safe. I ran up to my room, sat in the chair that faced the window, and finally cried it all out. This isn't the first time. It's either I'm crying on this damned chair, in the shower, or while I'm in bed. My tears are endless. I cried for all the horrible days I've had since we moved to Seattle, I cried for having to leave Tennessee, I cried for not being able to be normal, I cried for having to leave him, and I cried for not being strong enough.

Letting out all of the tears made me feel _some_ relief, but it wasn't enough.

I so badly wanted to cut, but I relented at the time being.

 _Tonight_ , I told myself.

Instead, I reached out to my bedside table and clutched onto the only thing that brought a smile to my face. It was the DIY project I made of the roses he gave me. I took the dried up petals of every rose that he's ever given me and saved it in a mason jar. I wrote the word _"HOPE"_ on the front because one day, I'd _hope_ to see him again.

And that night was the first night of many that I started a diary entry in a couple of years…

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I don't know why everyone hates me, while I've done nothing to make them feel that way. Am I really that much of a nuisance to people that even my mere existence is such an issue? I thought by at least making one friend; I'd be okay. But, she touched me. She fucking touched me. I was so damn scared and angry that she touched me. It brought back the feeling of the cigarette burning through my skin, and it's like I could get a whiff of that rancid cigarette smell running through my nostrils. I tried to calm down, but instantly, I snapped. I didn't mean to hit her hand that hard, but fuck she should imagine how it felt to be touched on a fucking cigarette burn. Granted, maybe I should have told her that I don't like to be touched. But, how the fuck how do you bring up the subject?_

" _Uh, hey... I don't like to be touched because I was used as a fucking ashtray and someone to beat the hell out of for fucking fun when I was younger… so yeah, don't touch me."_

 _Like that would ever go in the direction I would want it to._ _I still feel like if I was stronger and smarter, I could have gotten ourselves out of that situation much sooner. I wouldn't have become this… this… untouchable freak of nature! If I actually had the balls to reach out to someone and ask for help, I could've have saved my sisters and me from the horrible upbringing of our lives._

 _My sisters didn't have to grow up in a broken home like that; they deserved so much more._

 _Trevor, the only person who has ever made me feel loved and cherished._ _I wish he were here. I wish he could take all the pain away, and make life simple as it used to be in the garden. I hoped we could have stayed in our little bubble, forever._

 _But, forever doesn't exist._

 _~ Rose_

In realizing that, I couldn't put a hold on it any longer. I pull the sharp object that I hide under my mattress and begin to feel the sting and satisfaction of the first of many cuts onto my flesh.

 _It hurts so good._

xxx xxx

The bullying got more severe after Vicky told the whole school thought that I was an _actual_ freak. Students started to become more aggressive and pushed me into lockers, throw things, and make fun of me directly to my face when passing by. _That's new._ I spent the majority of my time hiding in the bathroom stalls, every chance I got because I just wanted it all to stop.

I wish it all stopped.

I wish I weren't such a freak, an outcast, a nobody.

Until one day, Kate and Ellie found me in my hiding spot, the last bathroom stall in the farthest girls bathroom during lunch crying my eyes out. They were so concerned for me. They told me they'd spend every day looking for me during passing period and lunch but was never able to... until now. I told them how humiliated I felt ever showing my face, so the most natural thing to do was hide. So instantly, they called mom and dad.

A pang of guilt hit me because Kate and Ellie left their friends to look for me once they saw how severely the rumors affected me. They stayed with me as much as they could the rest of the day until mom and dad picked us up. Dad was furious when Kate and Ellie said what had been going on with me at school. He immediately went down there the same day and pulled us out for homeschooling.

I felt relief, but also guilt.

Kate and Ellie were giving up so much for me, and dad and mom stood up for me and believed me when I told them what was going on.

Something I never thought I'd get.

Vicky ended up getting suspended for severe bullying amongst other things, and I never heard from anyone at that school since that day.

xxx xxx

Being homeschooled wasn't so bad because Claire was a natural. She had always been caring, attentive, and loving. But, the more we were homeschooled, the more guilt I carried. It was my fault that I was holding my sisters back from having what I called, "a normal life," it was my fault that we were stuck at home, and it was my fault that I _wasn't_ strong enough. Kate and Ellie repeatedly told me how I shouldn't blame myself, and that they should have been there for me. But, I wasn't having any of it. I saw how they made friends, talking to other people, and just because I wasn't and I couldn't deal with _my_ situation, it all had to stop on my account.

As the rest of our high school years went by, I had a harder time, as I continued blamed myself for the situation we were in. If I weren't so fucked up, I'd probably be normal like my sisters.

Social butterflies, outgoing personality, many friends, and at least likable to some.

But, I'm anything but.

I've carried so much guilt, so much shame, and so much hurt.

Not only did I carry all my guilt from the high school mishap, but I also carried the weight of the trauma that happened to us when we were younger. It still affected me, echoed in my mind, and I didn't know when it would ever stop. I felt guilty because I couldn't stop papa from hurting us, I felt guilty because my sisters were treated so poorly, I felt guilty because I was so weak. And yet, here I am now stopping them from living their lives and making friends.

 _I feel like I'll never be able to get over._ And I remained silent about these thoughts and feelings; I didn't want to burden anyone else with my fucked up self. I don't want anyone to know the hurt and guilt I feel. I don't want anyone to know how I honestly feel…

I hid it, and hid it well.

I was broken… _so, utterly broken._

And _no one_ ever realized it.

* * *

 _ **College (4 years)**_

 _ **Washington State University**_

 _College_ , the higher education that I thought my sisters and I would ever see. Under the care and advice from Eamon and Claire, they thought it would be best that my sisters and I attended the same college and lived in the same space. _We agreed._ We lived in an apartment together, and though it was nice living amongst my sisters, I was glad to have my privacy, my bedroom. Washington State University wasn't too far or close away from home, so it wasn't hard for visits from our parents, or going home for the holidays and weekends.

I majored in Business while minoring in English Literature. Kate majored in Journalism. Elizabeth majored in Public Relations with a minor in English Literature, as well. I solely focused on school work with basically no time to make friends and or party every weekend. Of course, Kate and Ellie were the total opposites. You would think that they were the ones who are actually twins, not Ellie and I. They had their occasional flings as they called it, went out to parties on weekends, lunch dates, shopping dates, and all the stuff you imagine doing in college... they did it.

I didn't.

I still hid behind my books and studied my ass off 24/7. I never had time to make friends, have shopping dates, lunch, and all the partying that Kate and Ellie did. I was either confined in my room or at the library, the only places you'd catch me at. I still wrote in my diary, occasionally. Mainly when things got pretty bad in my fucked up mind, I'd write to try and to get it all out. Sometimes, it would and other times it wouldn't. I still subjected myself to self-harm, even though it was minimal now. It's probably one of the only things that make me feel somewhat "normal." But, I'd be trying to find other ways of feeling that way.

I needed to keep myself busy, especially from my mind. So, I begin to play the piano. It was calming for me.

I'd compose songs about him because he was my muse. I couldn't get him out of my head, and he was hours and miles away. I always thought about him, even though I was sure he moved on. I still had the DIY project on my bedside table; I'd admire it every night. And now, I have a book filled with all the music I'd compose about him, hoping one day, I'd be able to share it... with him.

It had been years since we'd contacted each other. But, my mind always wandered to him hoping that he was doing well, and wherever he may have been if he was happy.

And not like me, miserable, pathetic, and alone.

Was it wrong that I held onto hope that we'd see each other again, one day?

With everything going on in our crazy lives, well, mostly Kate and Ellie... College was a breeze. It actually went by _too_ fast. All three of us finished college with honors, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Dad, mom, and Ethan were extremely proud of _all three of us_ and our accomplishments. We beamed with happiness that day, and there's a family photo at our home in Medina that proved it.

* * *

 _ **After College**_

Kavanagh Media and Publishing, our father's empire. After years of building his company from the ground up, our dad decided to pass down everything he'd made down to us, his children. Ethan was supposed to run the company and my sisters, and I would be working alongside with him, but he joined the military shortly after we moved to Washington. He was out there, risking his life for our country while being stationed in Iraq, and we couldn't be more proud of him. Therefore, dad decided to hand down the company to me, since I was the second oldest.

I was always skeptical about being CEO of a major company because I didn't want to let my family down in being the face of the company. I just wanted to become an Editor and or maybe just help alongside the business with my dad. But, he had other plans for me, and I couldn't help but feel fearful. I had thought when he was teaching me about the in's and out's of the company; it was just in case of an emergency. But, little had I known, he handed down his company to me. I was reluctant at first, but after a couple of months, everything just clicked for me.

" _You can do it, Annie. I know you will make me proud! I believe in you. If I didn't, I wouldn't have given you my company in the first place."_ That's what my dad told me the day he signed over everything to me.

In that time, I was no longer the shy, naive, timid girl hiding behind the books. I was a strong, business-minded young woman who is ruthless in the boardrooms with my no fucks given attitude. My appearance because vital to me so, I dressed to the nines every chance I could get. I was still dealing with my issues, but I was able to create a persona to hide behind, my CEO persona.

It made things easier for me, and I finally felt... comfortable with myself.

Making big decisions for the company was always my weakness, I felt like I'd still make the wrong move. But, I had overcome that weakness by believing my gut and mainly, myself.

When I overcame what I saw as my weakness, I began to enjoy being the CEO. With the help of my sisters and I, we were able to let the company rise in the business world. We worked in some mergers and acquisitions, even though it wasn't our primary suit. Our father taught us about that because apparently, he was supposed to be bought out, which in result, he decided to gift the company to me. Mergers and acquisitions were something interesting to do, but I wouldn't go as far to say we were pros at it. It worked in our favor when it was needed. I just liked to keep everyone on their toes or teach them a lesson. Not many understood the power Kavanagh Media and Publications yielded, except for my sisters, parents, and I. It was oddly satisfying.

Every time I'd have lunch with my dad, I'd tell him how much the company had flourished. And the sense of pride that was written all over his face every time is one I have engraved in my heart.

 _Proud._

That's all I had ever wanted, to make someone proud.

xxx xxx

I began to feel more comfortable with who I was becoming as I felt at ease in my workspace. My world wasn't so broken at last, or at least it felt like it wasn't. I felt like things began to make sense, and I don't know if it's because I've been able to layer walls to protect myself, or I'm no longer who I used to be.

But, I loved running my company, and the power it gave me.

Having the control was exciting - dare I say.

I thrived to have control and to exercise control in all things.

I loved it.

I breathed it.

I craved it.

It was the new me.

* * *

 _ **Right after the girls finished College and just started to take over KMP**_

 _ **?POV**_

I've finally been honorably discharged, after the years I've spent as a Marine. Leaving all of those important to me behind was difficult, but it needed to be done. I was being called to serve, and it was my duty to serve my country.

I'm hoping that the woman I once knew, grew up and became a better person. That woman was a gold-digger, cared about nothing and no one, but herself. Money was her motivator, and it undoubtedly wasn't mine. I wasn't some prissy rich kid growing up, but we weren't dirt poor. It taught me to be humble, and that money can't buy happiness.

I'm on a wild goose chase! Before I left to fulfill my duties, they lived in Missouri. I stopped by the old house they used to live in and what do you know? They are no longer there. The person who now is living on that property said they moved out and mentioned heading towards Tennessee.

Before arriving at a house in Tennessee, I called a buddy of mine to do a general background check on her. It seems she got married after I got shipped off.

I bet with the clothes on my back that she changed their names, so I wouldn't be able to find them. She's got that wrong. I've got a start of where to search for them.

I also asked around, and it seems that she has been somewhat social, everyone knows her. But, no one knew anything else, and there lies my concern. I've been told that the man she married doesn't have much of a good reputation. Some people also told me he deals with drugs and that they're regulars at a bar downtown, that raises some red flags for me.

 _Drugs and alcohol? Not the best combination._

So, here I am now in the heat of the Tennessee sun standing in front of what is supposedly their home. It's in a beautiful looking neighborhood, but it looks like the front yard of their home is in need of some TLC.

They haven't been seen for years now, but I have to give it a shot, and see if they possibly live in the house I've got the address to.

I get out of my car and start to walk towards the door.

*Knock knock*

Who opens the door is not what I expect… it's not my ex-wife, but some elderly woman.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm sorry for bothering you. I was just wondering if there is a Jessica Wheeler that lives or lived here previously? She's about 5'5, blonde hair, and has blue eyes."

"Hmm, no. There is no Jessica Wheeler that lives here."

"If you don't mind me asking, ma'am. How long have you been living here?"

"Oh… probably around 8 or 9 years. I can't be for certain when you're at this age."

"Do you know what happened to the previous owners?"

"Actually, yes I do. They lived here years ago! Oh, it was awful! Apparently, terrible things were happening in this home. You know things along the lines of people getting arrested. I've been told that there were young ones here, though I'm not entirely sure. I'd hope not, that would be awful."

My heart stops.

 _Is it really them?_

"That does sound awful. Thank you for the information. You've given me more than I could thank you for. Well, I best be going! I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am. Have a great day." I need to get out of here before she asks me any questions!

"No problem at all. May I ask, are you any relation to the previous family?" She eyes me. Damnit!

"Sure. The family that lived here, they're just important people that I'm looking for." I begin to walk away. I'm getting too damn emotional.

I look back, and she nods, as she closes the door.

As I continue to walk to my car tears are filling up my eyes. I can't believe it! They might be alive! I need to find them and tell them how sorry I am for leaving them. I need to make them understand that it was all out of my control.

I take out my phone to call my wife.

"Hey, honey."

"Hi, sweetie! Were you able to find them? Any of them? Are they safe?" Her voice makes me smile. She's always been supportive of me for finding them.

"No, it was another dead end. But, I won't stop until I do find them. The woman who lives in their previous home gave me vague information. I just have to do more digging, I suppose." I take a deep breath because I need to focus.

"I-I just have to keep on believing that they're alive." Damnit. Emotional. Again.

"Oh, sweetie. I know it's hard. There was nothing you could do. Come on home now. I miss you so much. I haven't seen you in days… weeks it feels like!" I miss her just as much.

"I know honey; I'll be home soon. Thank you for always being there for me. I'm so glad that I met you all those years ago. You are my heart. I love you, honey."

"I love you too sweetie. Drive safe. See you soon." I hang up.

I'm now more than ever determined to find out what happened and where they are now…

Even if it's the last thing, I do...

* * *

 **Some of you may have read this before the took the chapters down, but I revised this a bit. So, I hope you enjoyed! Also, I just want to let you all know how glad I am that many of you are enjoying the rework/rewrite of my story! The PMs and reviews I've gotten are heartwarming... Thank you a ton :)**

 **You'll be getting some _answers_ in chapter 8! I _can't_ give it all away, but all will be revealed in due time ;) Also, next chapter we're in the present time _(FINALLY!)_ where everything will begin to unfold for the two. Thank you all for sticking with me! ****RL has been kicking my butt recently, and I'm in the final steps of editing for the next chapter of TTWY! The quicker I update, the sooner you'll see Christian Grey come to life in my story! I'm thinking Friday, whatcha think? Let me know... Review ladies ;) See you all soon! x**


	8. Chapter 8 - All Hope Isn't Lost

**A/N: Good evening, everyone! I told you guys Friday... so, here it is! It's a rare occurrence that I post twice a week ;) This chapter is a bit long! I delved just a tad into the scene but didn't write it all out for APOV. I ended it where I felt was best, so that you can see how you all can gauge Ana's reaction to Trevor. There's also some tidbits that I needed in there for the future ;)**

 **Anywhoo, enjoy loves! See you at the bottom!**

* * *

Chapter 8 - All Hope Isn't Lost

 _ **APOV**_

 _ **Four and a half years later (Present Time)**_

 _ **Dream sequence**_

" _Come here." I nervously stand before him at the dining table._

" _Sit." I immediately comply by sitting on the chair right next to him._

 _"I'm going to mark that beautiful skin of yours so that no one will ever want you." He tells me with amusement written all over his face and a cigarette between his lips._

 _He pulls out the cigarette from his mouth and holds my right wrist still on the table, tightly._

" _If you scream, remember that I'll gag you!" I nod._

 _He brings the lit cigarette to my skin and starts piercing it with the blazing hot tip, holding it for a couple of seconds._

" _Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhh! P-pl-please n-no-no more!" I can't help but scream from the excruciating pain of the cigarette burning my skin._

 _ **End of dream sequence**_

* * *

I wake up all sweaty and sticky from, yet, another nightmare. It all feels too real. I check my right wrist for any new cigarette burns, and there are none. Four cigarette burns. That's all I see; relief quickly washes over me. I close my eyes to try and control my ragged breathing. Upon opening them a few minutes later, I look at my bedside, and it's only 5 am, I sigh.

I've only slept for maybe three or four hours, tops. It looks like another night of no sleep. I open up the drawer on my bedside table and pull my diary. It's been quite a while since I've written in my diary, but I feel that it's necessary right now.

As I try to control my breathing, I begin to write.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I thought I've moved on, but I'm sad to admit that I haven't. Nightmares from my childhood still evade me. The vile words of the students at Bellevue Prep still echo in my mind. My step father's words, their words, and actions still yield a lot of power over me._

 _I miss the sensations I'd feel when I used to cut. To feel the sting of a sharp object piercing my skin, and to watch the blood flow down from the fresh wound. Is it weird that I find a tinge of enjoyment through the pain? I choose to make those marks. I choose the angle I cut it in. I choose the area it goes to, and no one else can take that choice away from me. I haven't cut in a couple of years, but that feeling of wanting to pulsates through my blood. I feel free when I can give that control to_ _ **myself**_ _. It's empowering. But, this want… this need… it has to stop._

 _You are beautiful. You are loved. You are wanted._

 _~ Rose_

After my entry, I put my diary back where it belongs, get out of bed, and slip on my fluffy robe and slippers. I open up the sliding door to my private balcony, light up the mini fireplace, and take a seat on the couch.

I can't help but think about him and where he is right now.

 _Heaven._

I wish I could just talk to him one more time. I wish I could just be with him one more time. Kiss him one more time. Tell him that… I love him, one more time. Tell him everything and anything.

My mind drifts back to the time we first met in the garden when we were teenagers, and then years later when we met again.

And then I lost him.

* * *

 _ **Flashback**_

After a couple of months as CEO of KMP, my whole persona changed. I was no longer the weak minded little girl everyone was able to push around. I was and became Anastasia Rose Kavanagh, _proud_ owner and CEO of Kavanagh Media and Publishing. I oozed dominance in all aspects of my life, the self-confidence that I lacked in the past, and sex appeal to have men kissing the ground I walk on. Though, I still had my own issues; I was able to hide from the outside world, even _my_ family. Most days, I was able to hide it behind the _mask_ I created for myself, it was easy.

My fucking "stepfather," if you can even to call him a father, I snort at the thought of him. I wish he was burning in the depths of hell, but he's got it easy. The fucker is in prison, and I wish I could break him out so that he could see me.

I'm not the little girl he used to get his rocks off by beating the hell out of. I'm not the little girl he _almost_ raped. I'm not the little girl he laughed at.

I've got that little girl hidden so deep inside of me, I only see her in my _dreams._

I would _never_ let anyone see that side of me, the weak side of me. I would _never_ let anyone have control over me or my body, unwillingly.

It belongs to _me._

I own my body.

I control what happens to it.

xxx xxx

Now, I'm not entirely naive.

There's been a lot of chatter in the break room by a couple of female employees of a lifestyle called BDSM. _It sounded familiar to me._ Ah, I did a paper on that in a psychology class that I took while in college. _Now I remember._ I would go as much to say that the lifestyle intrigued me, both being the Dominatrix/Dominant and the submissive peaked my interest enough for me to do further research rather than what the general stuff I was looking up for in college.

In my research, I learned that the submissive has a lot of power in the scene with something as simple as a safeword. But for me? Submissive?

I think not.

I would have to entirely and unquestionably trust someone to be willing to give up my submission to someone, _anyone._

And no one has the luxury of that.

But a Dominatrix? Now, that's right up my alley.

I didn't go straight into the scene at any club or public place; I mostly did it in hotel rooms that I'd get for just _one_ night. I went online, order a couple of _things_ , and hired some male escorts from a private agency, since I know I couldn't risk this getting out. Even though my sisters and I did yield a lot of power in the media world, I still wanted to be careful. I hadn't engaged in sexual intercourse with any of the escorts, I just dominated them, sexually. Frustrated them, until they couldn't take it anymore. And I made them cum like they never have before.

I used their bodies, and much to _my_ enjoyment, they loved it. I could tell by each moan, hiss, and groan that they enjoyed what I was doing to them. The hungry look in their eyes, the _desire_ I saw… it was directed towards _me_. It made me feel _powerful_. It made me feel in _control_. It made me feel _wanted_.

But, for some reason, it wasn't enough for me. I wanted _more._ I need _more_. I craved _more._

I stopped holding it off. One day in the office, I decided to research some BDSM places in Seattle finally. I couldn't keep on hiring escorts because to me; they weren't _real_ submissives. They just fit what I was looking for and needed at the time. But, I was one with that shit.

I wanted a _real_ submissive.

After some research, I've finally found some BDSM clubs that were in Seattle that were worth looking at. _The Power Exchange._ That afternoon I decided to give this place a chance. I reached out to the manager, _Leila Williams_ , via email and the requirements needed before going to the club. Necessary information, preferred name, body pictures while naked, a headshot, and $10,000 cash for my membership that I would have to pay yearly.

 _That won't put a dent in my wallet._

After a couple of hours, I got an email back from the _owner_ by the name of _Madam Lincoln._ I was expecting a manager to contact and meet with me, but this works perfectly fine. I let Madam Lincoln know that I will be there at 7 pm sharp.

She replied back quickly with _perfect._

xxx xxx

 _The Power Exchange_ looked as if it was just a nightclub from the outside, but little did everyone know what actually happened on the _inside_.

"Rose, I presume." She acknowledges me with her hand out as soon as I walked into the club.

 _Was she awaiting my arrival?_

"Yes. Madam Lincoln, I presume." I raise my hand to shake hers.

"You may call me Elena, darling. I'm the owner and welcome to _The Power Exchange_."

"I'd rather stick to formalities, if you don't mind, Madam Lincoln."

"Of course. Please follow me," We enter her office, and it's pretty sterile and impersonal. Her walls are a dark red with a black desk. She has no personality in her office unless this is her personality _sterile, lifeless, and dull._

"Take a seat and get comfortable, darling. We will just have a quick chat, then a few documents to sign." She points to the chair right in front of her desk, and I took a seat, not knowing I'd be dreading _listening_ to her talk.

The _botox_ late 40's, early 50's known as Madam Lincoln is someone like I've never met before. She didn't have confidence; she was a _cocky_ bitch in her tight leathers. You can tell it all in her body language, and I read people pretty well. But, I must admit, she had curves for someone of that age. It makes me wonder… _is her whole body botox?_

One thing though, she is too fucking pushy for my taste. She kept a straight gaze, no smile, and 'don't fuck with me' vibe that radiated off of her like bad odor during her whole "welcome" robotic speech. Apparently, she doesn't usually do the welcome and contracts for new members of the club; she lets her manager handle that. But, here she is… in the fucking flesh. I'm a professional woman, and I surely know how to handle business, I think this Madam Elena doesn't, and that's because she is trying too hard to get too cozy with me, first name basis, exposing too much information, and all. _What the fuck was up with that?_ Not only that, her office held a weird presence, it felt like you were being watched in there. She continues to talk about her club, and I just try to look like I'm engaged in the conversation. She mostly explained to me the rules of her club, and she also talked about my body like it's damaged goods. She acted as if I didn't know my own fucking body, it angered me on the inside, but I kept a straight face on the outside.

"Now, here is the contract, you may look it over and if you have any future questions or concerns after signing, do not hesitate to contact me. My contact information is just at the bottom of the last page, and also I can give you my business card." I quickly look over the documents in front of me and sign while handing her an envelope with $10,000 cash inside as she pulls her phone out.

 _I wouldn't have to deal with her much longer now that I signed this fucking contract!_

"Great!" She put her phone down, "welcome to _The Power Exchange_. Also, I have received some news, and we have someone perfect for you. He has the exact features you are looking for. Gray eyes with brown/copper-ish hair, he is also very familiar with the lifestyle. I think you would enjoy yourself; he has similar hard limits to yours." She says with a hint of excitement in her voice. "Here is a white bracelet to wear when you are roaming around the club. The white bracelet lets others know that you are Dominant or Dominatrix. When you have a submissive, you will provide them with a black bracelet, which will let others know that he or she is owned. Active submissives willing to submit have a red bracelet. Any questions?"

"None at the moment, Madam Lincoln."

"Very well. The submissive I have for you will be ready at 9 pm in private room A. If you go up the stairs and make a left, you go down the long hallway, and there will be a door at the end, and he will be waiting for you inside of the room in the position and clothing you've provided."

"Thank you, Madam Lincoln."

"Enjoy, darling. Remember, don't hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns."

"Thank you again, Madam Lincoln. I greatly appreciate it." _Geez, can this botox bimbo ever shut up? I need to be on my way!_

I exit her office and quickly put my white bracelet on. Upon entering the main floor of the club, it's very dark but intimate looking. There is a long cocktail bar to your left with black marble tables and main stage just to the right. Many red leather booths are surrounding the main stage with dimmed lights. The main stage has poles and cages, while they play very sensual music in the background. Many people are indulging and enjoying themselves, and I watch with fascination. I quickly tear my gaze from the main stage after a couple of moments and walk past the main floor to head up the stairs to the room I am supposed to go to.

Before entering the room, I quickly stop by the ladies room and take a look at myself and take a real good look for a few moments before I go in the private room.

xxx xxx

Upon entering the room, I glance around, and it's not as scary as I thought. I honestly was thinking it would look like some torture chamber, but it's actually quite beautiful. I stand there transfixed by my submissive who is kneeling with the clothes I requested and his palms faced up. _Beautiful._ I notice the St. Andrews cross not too far behind him, and I'm pleased. _They set it up the way I wanted it._ As I'm walking towards him, I grab the small remote and turn the lights down to low and play some sensual music in the background.

 _I don't want him to see my body._

As I continue to look around, I have this uneasy feeling. I don't know exactly what it is, but there's something here. I shake my head from my thoughts and focus on what I came here for. I walk towards him enjoying the clicking of my 5-inch heels hitting the ground. I stalk towards him and begin to circle him like I am the predator, and he is my prey.

"I love how you're in the perfect position, pet. Lovely." I purr, he truly is a beautiful fucking sight. "I am your Domme, and inside of the scene, you are to address me as Goddess. While we are outside of the scene and just in case we bump each other out of the parameters of these four walls, you may address me as Rose." I say a little faulty.

 _I swear something is fucking here. Something that's distracting me._ I look around but see nothing out of place. _I can't really figure out why I feel this way._

He doesn't answer me for a few moments, and I'm beginning to think he's mute. _Why the fuck is he not answering me? Is there something fucking wrong with him?_

"Do you understand me, pet?" I say harsher than I intended.

Does he not understand the rules? Is he NOT submissive? Is this club trying to play some sick joke on me?

"I understand, Goddess." My submissives voice breaks me from my thoughts.

 _That voice… it sounds so familiar._

"What about you? What shall I call you outside of these for walls?"

 _I take a look around again, and there's something about these four walls._

"Trev." His answer is short and curt.

 _Trev? Is that short for something?_

"Very well. Now pet, I have read over your limits, have you read over mines?"

"Yes, Goddess." _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

 _Damnit, I'm losing my mind! First this uneasy feeling and now his voice._

 _Focus. I need to focus._

"Good. What are your safewords?"

"Sun and moon." _God, his voice sounds like honey._

"Do I need to remind you when to use your safewords?"

"No, Goddess."

"Good. I would like you to close your eyes, and then I would like you to stand."

"Is this your first scene, pet?" I ask, curiously.

"No, Goddess."

I begin to walk to the wall that is full of crops, floggers, canes, and whips. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me an _implement_ you'd like us to play with tonight."

"Yes, Goddess." I hear him say, "a whip, Goddess." _Ah, I love that one._ I pick a flogger and whip from the wall and begin to stalk towards my submissive. I go behind the St. Andrew's cross and get so close to him, his manly scent evading my nostrils.

"I will use this later on, don't worry," I tell him as I set it down closeby. "You look fucking delicious right now." I purr as I smack his lower back with the flogger I chose, and I hear him take in a sharp breath. _Hmm, he must like this._

"Hmmm." I being to stroke his back with the flogger, then smack his mid-back harder than the last, and I hear him groan in pleasure. A couple more hits to his buttocks, thighs, and abs, and I'm immensely pleased by how well he's taking it.

 _I'm in control, and I love it._

I put the flogger down and grab the whip he chose, then walk far enough in front of him so that he doesn't see my face. "You may look at me," I tell him in the firmest voice I can muster. As soon as he looks up, my breathing hitches. Even with the lights down low, I know exactly who I am staring at. He's the man who I used to know and love all those years ago. _Those eyes._ Those beautiful gray eyes are glistening even in the low light, and I never thought I'd see them again.

" _Rose…"_ I hear him whisper and it suddenly pisses me off. But, it always brings a sense of confusion… does he know that I'm _that_ Rose or is he just saying it because that's the name I chose to be called within the confinements of these four walls? There's no time to ponder. _I can't lose focus. I came here to do one thing and one thing only, and that's to exert my control over my submissive._

"Let's get started, pet." He looks at me without breaking eye contact; then his eyes go downcast.

Our scene wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually everything I wanted, and then some. The way he submitted to me was utterly beautiful; it was the most delicious sight I'd ever seen. His pleasure and his pain, he gave that to me, _willingly_ , and it was empowering. I provided aftercare although, it was something I wasn't planning on doing at first, but feeling his skin under my hand, and tending to him tenderly, it brought me a sense of _peace_ and _happiness._

"What made you want to join the lifestyle?" I ask while we sit in the confinement of the four red walls after I got done with the aftercare portion, fully clothed.

"My past." He blurts out, "I don't really like to talk much about it," he hangs his head in shame.

"I can hear the shame in your voice. There is no need to feel ashamed of your past, we all have one." I tell him as he nods, head still bowed down. "We're older now. You can talk to me… Trevor. You can tell me what you want to share. I can tell you're not telling the whole truth. I am here to take care of you and your needs sexually, but I'm also here for you… not just for that. I'm willing to listen and be here for you… as someone, you can be comfortable talking with. You can trust me." He keeps still in his position.

 _I love his submission, but this is not the time._

"Why are you a submissive and not a dominant?" I asked curiously.

"Well, when I was in foster care I always felt like I needed to please people. I guess that followed me all the way up to adulthood. I also have trust issues, and being able to trust someone implicitly makes it easier for me to trust others." I take a deep breath. "In my workplace, I'm the one in charge and command. Sometimes, I just like to relinquish myself from all of that. Let someone else take control and make decisions for me. It makes me feel free, you know? It's absolutely liberating. I don't have to take make decisions, I don't have to worry what will happen next, and I don't have to be afraid." He tells me, and I get where he is coming from.

He's fucking bowing his head at this like he should be fucking ashamed of this. He has _nothing_ to feel ashamed about. Taking reigns and holding that much responsibility is not easy… for anyone. I hope he knows that.

"When I'm speaking to you, I don't want you to look down at the ground. Do you understand?" I tell him in a nonsense tone and his eyes widen. "Don't ever feel afraid to tell me what or why I would never judge you." He nods again, in silence. "I understand where you are coming from, and trust me when I say that I will never violate your trust. Your trust is paramount to me, and as your Domme, I hold that in the highest regard." He smiles at this, and his smile is… _beautiful_. It does _things_ to me. "If you'd like, I'd like you to be my submissive and mine only," Why do I feel so fucking possessive over him? After just one night? "I understand your limits, and I'm sure you've read over mines. If you agree, we can continue this."

"I'd love that, Goddess." He tells me with a small smile on his face.

 _Fuck, he's mine._

We continued our small talk; it was more about his life now. Immediately after that, I left.

Walking out of that private room, I couldn't help but feel like I was being _watched._ I think I'm going insane, but I know better; I need to trust my gut instincts on this. Even if we were in a private room, I have to consider the possibility that s _omeone was watching us._ I shook my head from those dreaded thoughts and exited the club.

 _He could stay at the club for as long as he wished, I needed to get out of there!_

Who knew I'd run into the man who captured my heart all those years ago with a single rose in a BDSM scene. That night, I needed to write in my diary.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I saw him again. I never thought I'd ever see him after I left Tennessee all those years ago. I always hoped we'd see each other again, but I never thought that we would in the circumstances that we did._

 _I now wish I had looked for him after all these years… Maybe things could be different between us._

xxx xxx

After one month of our arrangement, we began to become more comfortable with each other. I trusted him enough. I broke my own rule and had sex with him in a scene, multiple times. It just felt _right_. We began to have more _lovemaking_ than fucking, and more _lovemaking_ than scenes.

 _Trying… I was trying for him._

A little more down the road and it became… frustrating. We'd get into the same argument over and over again; I grew frustrated with us _making love_ more than having a scene. But, the night during dinner we argued, and I realized how closed off I really am...

"Rose, babe. Why haven't you told me about your past? About what happened to you? About why you are the way you are?"

"Why, Trevor? I'm trying so hard for us! What more could you want from me?" I yell and throw my fork at the wall across from us. I know I'm acting like a brat, but we've gone through this conversation many times, and I mean _many_ times. I know I haven't divulged into my life, and why I like things a certain way as much as he has, but he can't give me a break now, can he?

"Babe, I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just trying to understand, _wanting_ to understand. I love and care about you so much." He tells me sincerely while grabbing my hand, and I feel the urge to pull away because he's dangerously close to my scars. But, I'm trying, _trying_ for him.

I take in a deep breath and close my eyes before I answer him. Once I open them, I'm looking into his beautiful gray eyes.

When did I become so closed off?

We used to be able to tell each other everything and anything when we were younger, and I'm such a hypocrite. I know he's opened up way more than I have, but by just having him in my presence is proof enough that I've taken strides in opening myself up.

Or so I thought.

"Trevor, you know I love you too. But, you have to understand, it's not easy for me. This," I point between myself and him, "it's not easy for me. Ever since I was thirteen years old, I've always dreamed of being with you. But, things… happened. I wish everything were just that easy, you and me. But, I just haven't lived a life, _the_ life that I wanted. Please understand that." I tell him in a pained voice. "I'm just so, so… angry with myself. Should we have let our 'relationship' go this far? Am I even cut out for this?" I question and begin to feel myself panic. "It was never supposed to be this way! When I saw you in submissive position a couple of months ago at The Power Exchange, it was supposed to be just that. One night. But, I couldn't let you go. And now, look where we are? It was never supposed to be like this! My life was in order, and I had control of it! But, here we are, having, trying vanilla sex more often than not. We _play_ , but it's limited."

I begin to feel my heart beat thump so loud; I think it's going to jump out of my chest. "I'm trying, I'm trying hard for you. But, it's proving difficult for me. I _can't_ Trevor. I _can't_ be like this anymore. I feel myself slipping away. Who I am, what I created, it's slowing slipping away." Just telling him this is like three stabs to the knife, it's that painful and hard. He lets go of my hand, gets up from his seat, and kneels right next to me while cradling my face in his hands.

"Baby, baby, calm down." He tells me in a tone I didn't expect, understanding. "I understand. I'm sorry for _trying_ to push you. I just feel like we're going in circles here. I'll try to be more considerate of _you_ , your feelings, and your past. I don't know much of it, but by the expression on your face, I'm assuming it wasn't at all good. Hell, it might be worse than mine. I'm so sorry baby." He sounds like he's about to cry. "I didn't mean for it to go this far. I had no idea that vanilla sex wasn't… fulfilling for you. I thought that if we tried to back off from the kink in our relationship, it wouldn't be all that bad." He begins to let go of my face and backs away. "If you need the control baby, I'll give it to you. I think ultimately, that's what you're trying to tell me." I look at him, wide-eyed, as he starts to strip out of his clothes, "I know I'm not wearing a blue button up or black slacks, but I do have black underwear." He tells me, and I smirk, as I watch him get into submission position, in the middle of our hotel room.

"I apologize, my Goddess. But, whatever you need… take it from me. My body is yours." He tells me as averts his eyes to the ground and bows his head.

I stand from where I was seated and approach him. "You may look at me," I tell him in my Domme persona. His gray eyes look up at me, and at this moment, I know what exactly what I need. I walk up to him and leave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Thank you, babe." I give him a small smile.

"Now, let's get started, pet."

Now, this is how it's supposed to be.

 _Controlled._

xxx xxx

A couple of months into our arrangement, it was pure bliss. But then, he proposed a 'real relationship without the kink twenty-four seven,' which made _no_ sense because we were doing a lot of that recently. I was _trying_ for him, but he wanted a title now, that's fine. Although I was very reluctant at first, I decided to give it a go, and it worked out for us.

 _Normal_ is what I called it.

Though, who knew being in a seemingly "normal" relationship was proving quite difficult. I enjoyed us the most when we were engaging in a scene. I had strict rules for him. He wasn't allowed to touch any parts of my body besides my intimate parts and face, which made it feel easy for me. While, outside of the scene, I had a much more difficult time. I found it difficult to be intimate with him without doing a scene since there were limits in place. This was our issue. But, we both knew our feelings were more than that with no type of physical contact. I was content with that.

 _He wanted to be with me even with all of my issues_.

I was fully aware of the case he was working on at the time, and he mentioned having to travel out of the state after he got the phone call. So, that morning, he left after we _made love_. He said that he would only be gone for a week, but a week turned into two, and I was beginning to get worried. After a total of three weeks, the trial was finally done, and he called to say that he would be home for dinner.

I planned a whole special night for us and even had Kate and Ellie go out, so we could have some privacy. I waited and waited because I wanted to let him know we were pregnant when our dessert was served.

Two hours after the time he said he'd arrive…. _he never showed up._

I was holding onto hope, thinking he'd show up by now.

Nothing.

About an hour and a half later… still, nothing. I went to bed that night, heartbroken.

 _He didn't come home._

xxx xxx

The next morning I was woken up by both Kate and Ellie entering my bedroom without my permission. Apparently, the plane that Trevor was on crashed, and it was told that there were _no_ survivors.

 _The news devastated me._ I broke down into endless sobs while screaming hysterically towards Ellie and Kate. After I calmed down, I handed them the _positive_ pregnancy test, and they gasped in shock. Right after, I told them everything from searching about BDSM, _The Power Exchange_ , my encounter with the owner, Madam Lincoln, and my relationship with _him_. They couldn't believe a word I was saying and sat there in silence after my revelation.

"We love you, Annie and your baby too. Don't ever doubt that. I can see it written all over your face." Ellie tells me and Kate nods while crying. I nod with tears threatening to fall. "We'll help you take care of this baby; you won't ever be alone. Trust us."

"I love you guys too, so much. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for always supporting me. I don't know who or what I'd be without you guys. You mean the world to me, I'd do anything for you." I grabbed hold of their hands and just broke down in sobs until I had no tears left to shed.

After a long conversation about what to do next, I've decided to keep the baby because it's a product of Trevor and I's love. I was bringing an angel into this world. I wouldn't want to subject it to death, or what our parents brought upon us. I wanted to give my baby the world and so do my siblings, and with their support, I could do anything.

As I stayed in my room most of the day, I couldn't shake off the feeling of how shocked I was about my sisters' response to everything I've told them, how we've been through so much together already, and just how understanding they were. I was so glad that I could confide in them, trust them, and open up to them.

That night, I held onto to my stomach in bed, crying not just for me, but for my baby.

Who knew after my first Dom/sub and somewhat "normal" relationship, I would end up pregnant.

I was still utterly devastated.

" _Mommy loves you already, little one. No matter what,"_ I whispered down at my stomach before falling asleep… already in love with _our_ baby.

 ** _End of flashback_**

* * *

A tear falls as I remember everything that happened between us and the _love_ we shared. It was beautiful, and because of our love, we have two little ones who remind me that life _is_ worth it every day. The hope that I lost is not all gone, and that's because of them. _He_ is living through _them._

I decide that it's time that I stop reminiscing about the past and make some breakfast. I walk back into my room and take a look at the clock; it's now 6:30 am. I decided that I should make breakfast since I've got nothing better to do. I head to the kitchen and see Ms. Harper, our housekeeper making a fresh pot of coffee.

"Ms. Harper, I'd like to make breakfast, if you don't mind," I tell her as I open the fridge to grab the ingredients for french toast, and I grab bacon as well.

"No problem, Ms. Kavanagh. This is your home, and the kitchen is at your disposal. I'll go ahead and get started on the other house duties then." She says as she begins to walk towards the living room as I start to cook.

As soon as I started to plate all the food, I hear the giggles of my son and daughter, and the voice of my sisters coming towards the dining room.

"Mommy! Good morning!" My youngest twin daughter, Alex, says excitedly as she runs towards me with her little bunny rabbit clutched under her arm. I crouch down so that I'd be able to catch her in my arms. Her bright powder blue eyes are shining so bright, and my heart swells at the sight. My mini-me.

"Morning baby, how did you sleep?" I say as she jumps into my arms and gives her kisses all over her face. I see Teddy standing there, a couple of feet away, awaiting his turn. While Kate and Ellie are settled at the dining table.

"Good," she grins, "I slept with all my dolls," she tells me as she tries to wiggle out of my arms, and I set her down as she runs to her seat.

I scoop up Teddy and give him the same attention I did Alex, "and how are you my Teddy bear?" I move the hair out of his face so that I can see his _gray eyes,_ which reminds me so much of his father.

"Good mommy! I slept alllll night!" He tells me excitedly, as I walk us to the dining table.

"That's good my Teddy bear, why don't you take a seat," I set him down, and he sits in his assigned seat, as I take my position at the head of the table.

Everyone starts to eat, and I can't help but look at my kids and sisters who choose to share this home with me, and they fill it with so much love and laughter. I take a double look at my two twins, and can't help but think about how much joy, happiness, and love they've brought into our lives.

Theodore James Kavanagh and Alexandria Rose Kavanagh are my pride are joy, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

 _My sisters and my kids; they are my life._

* * *

 **Wondering what happened to "Trevor"? We're about to find out next chapter! ;)**

 **Leave me some love! :)**

 **See you all next chapter update! x**


	9. Chapter 9 - Mr Grey Will See You Now

**A/N: Hello and good evening, everyone! As you can tell by the title of this chapter… Mr. Grey is finally here! ;) This is a lengthy chapter, popcorn is suggested! :) Hope this chapter clears a couple of things up for you guys! I know I mentioned there were NO survivors last chapter and well, you'll find out some truth(s) this chapter.**

 **Big thank you to UndercoverSquint for her guidance and notes for this chapter! Also, thank you to DiamondChild for taking a read and sharing her thoughts! You guys shower me with support and I'm so thankful for it! Check their stories out, they're both brilliant and talented writers! ;)**

 **At this point, Christian is 27 and Ana is 25 - _Present time._**

 **Anywhoo, I hope you all enjoy this reveal in Grace's POV. There's a lot of reminiscing going on this chapter.**

 **Please excuse any mistakes, this was one hell of a chapter to write!**

 **Enjoy loves, see you at the bottom!**

* * *

Chapter 9 - Mr. Grey Will See You Now

 _ **Four and a half years later (Present time)**_

 _ **GPOV**_

 _"Carrick, don't you think it's wrong that we're keeping this from him? Don't you think he deserves a right to know about his past? You don't think that keeping this from him will affect his future?" I ask astound at my husband and this plan he's conjured up._

 _"Gracie, honey," his face softens, "we have to respect Christian's wishes. He doesn't want to be Trevor Knight any longer. You saw that clear as day, right?" He looks me straight in the eyes, and I nod. "He woke up fully disoriented. We didn't approach him quickly, and he didn't manage to freak out when you eventually did. Now, his reaction to when the Pierce's walked in was concerning. You don't remember that he was demanding that they get out and not come back in as soon as he realized what was happening?"_

 _I remember it just like it was yesterday. "I do, and watching it broke my heart for them. Christian had just woken up, not knowing what happened, and questioning who he was… He was panicked, and they just smothered him right away without any regard to how he's going to react or feel."_

 _Carrick gives me a knowing look, "Do you see my point here? When you introduced Elliot, Mia and I... I didn't see any detection of fear in his eyes. I can't say the same for Elena because you know how her demeanor is, but that's beside the point." He clears his throat, "he didn't want to have anything to do with the Pierce's, Jack, or his old life. He's made that very clear. Even though I do feel bad for those being truly affected by his wishes... My hands feel tied here, but I will stand by Christian. I respect his decision, and I think we all should by keeping this a secret. No matter what. We can't tell him what happened in the past, no reminders. We need to start fresh, like opening a new book. We can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. Dad and I will conceal anything about his past until he's ready to know, that is. But, until then, I will do this for him, for my son." A smile creeps up on Carrick's face as he calls Christian his son, and I'm in awe of my husband. But, as he was explaining that to me, I couldn't help but swallow a lump down my throat. "Don't you agree with me, Theo?" He turns to my father.  
_

 _"I completely agree. That man has been through enough in his life. I mean, look at him! He survived a plane accident. Also, I saw it when he was just a teenage boy working in Adela's garden; there was something there… he seemed haunted, traumatized, closed off. But, you know what? Let's give him the fresh start that he deserves. His past doesn't define him. And we don't tell a soul, no matter what." Theo gives us 'the look.'_

" _Okay, I won't tell a soul, dad. But, if Christian asks about anything regarding his past, we are doing so as soon as possible, okay?" I look at my husband and dad, they nod. "I can't believe we're doing this, but he does deserve a fresh start after everything he's been through…"_

" _I'll speak to the Pierce's in regards to all of this and make sure that they don't interfere. If Christian is willing to get to know them, that will be entirely up to him. As for the Kavanagh's... I know they've relocated to Washington, so there's a chance that they might bump into each other for whatever reason. But,_ _it's been years since they last saw him and him them._ _I'm sure they wouldn't remember him, and with Christian's memory loss, he wouldn't remember them either." Carrick explains._ _"Have you spoke to any of the Kavanagh's?" He asks._

 _"It's been quite awhile since I've last spoken to them. Years, I think..." I mention and Theo just a shakes his head._

 _"Good. So for now, we follow through with this plan." Carrick says seriously, "no reminders," he adds while both Theo and I just nod in agreement._

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when the elevator pings announcing my arrival on the twenty-fifth floor of Grey House, it's 9 am.

"Good morning, Mrs. Trevelyan-Grey, Mr. Grey is in a meeting right now. But, feel free to roam around or have a seat. I'm sure he'll be done in no time." Andrea, Christian's PA smiles and gestures me to sit in the reception area.

"Good morning, Andrea! Enough of the formalities, I've known you long enough. You may call me, Grace, dear." I tell her, as I take a seat in the reception area. "Please," I add, sincerely.

"Mrs. Trev-, I mean Grace, thank you. But, I don't think Mr. Grey would like that." She says as she grabs some refreshments.

"Now, now! Don't you worry about my son, Andrea. I can handle the big boss," I give her a wink as she laughs, and I refuse the refreshments. I pick up a fashion magazine, and can't help but think about everything that's happened...

It's been four and a half years since the accident happened.

The accident that changed our lives and Trev- I mean Christian's life, forever.

Thinking about that day still puts me in knots. We lost him, but not in the sense that we all thought.

His memories.

 _They're gone._

Well, most of them, that is.

It's also been four and half years since my husband, father and I vowed to keep this secret locked away from Christian for as long as it's needed. The guilt still eats me alive sometimes, but just seeing how connected Christian can be with us, his family… it makes keeping the secret worth the while. We made sure there are _no_ reminders of his past.

"Grace?" I hear the elevator ping, announcing someone's arrival, and it's our good friend, John Flynn. I stand up to greet him.

"John, it's nice to see you, bright and early!" I hug him and gesture him to take a seat next to me.

"Well, you know, I'm an early bird. I'm surprised he has this session at this time in the morning, he usually has them earlier than this."

"I don't know why he scheduled it at this time, but I'm just happy to be here for him."

In the middle of us conversing, we hear the voice of my son and a gentleman.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Winters. We'll be in touch." Christian shakes the gentleman's hand, turns around to walk into his office, and the door shuts behind him.

After five minutes, Andrea approaches us, "Mr. Flynn, Mr. Grey will see you now." John stands up and heads towards Christian's office.

I'm now left in the reception area alone, again. So, I decided to rummage through the pile of magazines. Elite Magazine is my choice, and that's because my brilliant boy has a picture in the corner. I'm aware that he doesn't do interviews, so maybe he decided to let up a bit and actually do a short one. I turn to the page and scope out for that interview. I finally reach page 15 and begins to read through it.

* * *

 _Kristen Hudson: "This is Kristen Hudson with Elite Business Magazine. Today, I'm here at Grey House in Seattle with the one and only, Christian Grey. First off, I'd like to thank you for taking your time out of your day to do a short interview with Elite Business Magazine, Mr. Grey."_

 _Christian Grey: "Thank you for the introduction. It's no problem."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "Let's get to it, shall we?"_

 _Christian Grey: "Whenever you are ready, Ms. Hudson. The floor is yours."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "You are very young to have amassed such an empire... To what do you owe your success?"_

 _Christian Grey: "To what do I owe my success? My family and some of our close friends. But, who I'd like to owe my success to is mainly my parents, brother, and sister who have always kept me grounded. They've shown me a lot of love and support for what I've wanted to do, and so with that, I went out and did it. Without them, I have no idea who or where I would be."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "That's really sweet, Mr. Grey. You sound like a family man. How about business wise?"_

 _Christian Grey: "I am, thank you. And business is about people. And I've recently learned how good I am at people. What motivates them, what incentivizes them, what inspires them."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "Maybe you're just lucky."_

 _Christian Grey: "I've always found the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. One of the keys to my success has been in identifying talented individuals and harnessing their efforts."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "It sounds as if you're a control freak, Mr. Grey."_

 _Christian Grey: "I'm actually not. I just truly know people, you can call it a gift."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "Fair enough. Your company is involved primarily in the telecommunications sector, yet you also invest in numerous agricultural projects, including several in Africa. Is that something you feel passionate about? Feeding the world's poor?"_

 _Christian Grey: "Yes, I'm extremely passionate about it. I love helping people; I think I get that from my parents. Also, it's smart business. You don't agree?"_

 _Kristen Hudson: "So, you're a philanthropist? Also, I don't know enough about it, yet. But, I know someone who does."_

 _Christian Grey: "That I am. Well, tell that person that maybe we should conduct some business together."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "You'd be open to that?"_

 _Christian Grey: "I'd be willing to hear the person out, yes. Conduct business? That truly depends on the person."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "I'll keep that in mind. What do you like to do for fun, Mr. Grey? Besides dinners, galas, boardroom meetings, traveling, and all."_

 _Christian Grey: "Spend time with my family. My mom makes frequent Sunday family dinners plans; we also go sailing on my boat which I named after my mother. I also love gliding, amongst other things."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "Sounds like you know how to have fun! You don't seem like the intimidating CEO that you're well known for."_

 _Christian Grey: "When my family is involved, I know how to 'have fun,' if that's what you want to call it. But, when it comes to business, Ms. Hudson, you most certainly can't be soft. There's competition everywhere, and I strive always to do my best. If that's being 'intimidating,' then so be it. But, I handle business well, I know that for one."_

 _Kristen Hudson: "I see that. I admire your work, Mr. Grey. You've accomplished so much in the short years you've built your business. I have no more questions, and I'd like to thank you for your time, Mr. Grey."_

 _Christian Grey: "No problem, Ms. Hudson. Thank you."_

 _There you have it, ladies and gentleman! Christian Grey CEO of Grey Enterprise and Holdings Inc., Seattle's youngest self-made millionaire, also named Seattle's Most Eligible Bachelor, and quite possibly one of the nicest men to interview is just like the rest of us! Just by this short interview, I was able to capture that Mr. Grey is very family oriented, business-minded, passionate, and extremely hard working. He genuinely cares about the world and not just for the money. He isn't like many of the CEO's out there who are just out for there trying to make the 'next big thing,' Christian Grey IS the next big thing, and he knows it, I'm sure. We'll catch Mr. Grey at his mother's Charity Gala coming up in the next few months!_

 _\- Kristen Hudson, Journalist for Elite Business Magazine_

* * *

Reading this and see how much Christian acknowledges family in this interview really makes me emotional. I'm so happy, so proud to have him as my son, and he fits perfectly into our family. I'm amazed by him.

But, I also can't help but feel melancholy while thinking back to all those years ago when he worked at my parents' house in Tennessee because even then, I always viewed him as my son. I didn't know exactly what happened to him, but I knew there was something still there.

 _A connection._

Something drew me to him, and I didn't know what it was. It was a force to be reckoning with, but I didn't give in.

He was very proper and always guarded, also, he rarely ever did talk about himself. I knew he lived in a foster home since the age of eight, but I never understood why. I was a pediatrician for only a couple of years before I became a child psychologist, and I've learned to be very observant of people. I observed him and just knew there was a story behind what he had been through, but I didn't want to push. His gray eyes told me a lot, but not enough. The person he opened up to was Carrick, mostly about his goals and aspirations he had for himself, and I was happy about that. He had someone he could talk to.

And now, I can't help but smile. My sweet boy has attained those goals and aspirations. He's changed so much in the past couple of years' since we adopted him. Much to Carrick's disappointment, Christian didn't have aspirations of being a lawyer, like he was before the crash. He mentioned no such thing at all; it was quite shocking. So, six months later after a lot of therapy and support from our whole family, he came up with a business proposition. Carrick relented with a positive attitude while both he and Theo agreeing that it's an excellent business plan and so, they gave him the start-up money.

Now, three and a half years later, Christian has become Seattle's youngest self-made millionaire and Seattle's most eligible bachelor. Apparently, not a lot of people can claim that. But, my boy can. He really did amass such an empire. We soon learned how hard-working Christian could be and we couldn't be more proud. Sure, he did spend a lot of his time sleeping at his office for a couple of months, but it's true when they tell you that hard work definitely pays off.

xxx xxx

Two hours later, Christian walks out of his office and approaches me. "Hi mom, you look lovely as ever." He kisses me on the forehead and then gives me a huge hug.

"Oh, sweet boy! How are you?" I hold on tightly because all I've been doing is reminiscing this morning, and my emotions are escaping me.

"I'm good, mom. John would look to see you for a few moments if you don't mind. I have a quick meeting with Ros about something, so I should be out when you are." He smiles at me and escorts me to his office door.

"Of course. Thank you." I walk into his office, and the door closes behind me.

John gestures me to take a seat on Christian's couch as he takes a seat in his leather chair.

"So Grace, how have you been?" He asks me curiously.

"I'm doing good," I answer curtly.

"Grace, we both know that's not how you really feel. Don't kid with a therapist," he laughs. And I sit there silently while John gives me that one eyebrow raised look.

"Okay," I relent. "I've just been so worried about Christian. Ever since the incident, us adopting him, and his company; he seems a bit closed off sometimes. It's like he's so lost in his thoughts and you can't pull him out. Some days seem better than others; I'm just worried. I think that sometimes I worry too much. Should I be this worried, John?"

"Grace, you have to understand that Christian cannot recall a lot about his life before the accident and with that being said, I understand exactly why you worry." He tells me sincerely. "I'd be worried too if I were you. So, you're not alone in that sense."

"I know we've had this discussion before, but I think it'll be good to rehash it. How do you think Christian feels about the adoption?" I tense at his questioning.

 _Friendly conversation, Grace._

"I think at the time, he felt relieved," I breathe, "and he still does. You see, Christian was very adamant about wanting a new life. He didn't want to 'be this Trevor Knight' he said. He is _not_ Trevor Knight he stressed to us over and over again. He didn't know who that person was and he didn't want to be that person that he no longer remembers." I remember the memory just like it was yesterday. "When we mentioned the name 'Christian,' he was elated. He mentioned how he thought the name was good for a fresh start. So naturally, we went with it."

Tears begin to fall, "when I locked eyes with him in that hospital bed, I just knew… you know? Although, I think I've always known. That nagging feeling when you're drawn to someone? I've always been drawn to Christian in some _unorthodox_ way. I think, maybe he felt the same about me," more tears fall from my eyes. "But, when he saw Carrick again, I mean, really saw him... that was it. Christian was taken with Carrick, and I believe it was because of the bond they had when he worked at my parents' place and when he moved to Seattle to be a lawyer under Carrick." I smile at the thought, "Christian and Carrick were always so close. He was also close to Elliot." John hands me a tissue, "I think Christian was always meant to be part of our family. I feel it. Carrick and I actually spoke about it all those years ago when we would visit my parents in Tennessee. But, with everything going on with adjusting to having Elliot… we just couldn't. You remember how hard it was for us to adjust! Then, when we had the chance, we didn't do it. For what reason? I can't recall right now, but I'm sure it was a good one." A couple more tears roll off my cheek, "after spending time with him in the hospital. It was pretty clear the bond we shared with him. We didn't push him, and we most certainly didn't have to adopt him, but it was his choice. He seemed happy with it, and we were, too." I feel my body slowly relax.

"I think it's great that you guys' chose to adopt him. I don't think there would have been any other way." I smile.

"Right?" _I'm so glad we adopted him._

 _He got the 'new life' he was very determined he wanted._

 _Now for the next topic that's always been bothering me..._

"I remember nightmares he had when he first stayed with us… and now..." I begin to say, but John starts to speak.

"Grace, his nightmares are from what I presume is from his childhood, and he still cannot recall everything. It can be extremely frustrating. But, I think that's a good thing. Look, I was able to get a copy of his doctors report before he was put into the foster care system and let me tell you... there are horrific things that happened to him when he was at such a young age." I cringe at the thought that such horrid things happened to my Christian. "Just reading that report gave me some nightmares." I sigh at this.

"Is that why he has eye bags again? He's having nightmares again, right John?" I ask, alarmed.

John just gives me that look, "as a friend; I'll say yes. But, as colleagues, you know I can't tell you what Christian and I discuss in depth about during our sessions, Grace. Client and patient confidentiality. If you want to know what's going on with him, I think it's best that you ask him, personally."

"I get that. Thank you, John. His nightmares… Does that have to do with the scars on his chest and upper back?" I've always wondered how he got those, and I know exactly what they are. But, my question is… who caused him such pain? Who would inflict that type of _pain_ towards a sweet boy like him? Even though I knew him since he was around the age of fifteen… I wouldn't dare think that his foster parents would do such things.

"All I can share with you is that they are part of his past, he was a young boy when this was done to him. I'm sure you've seen the scars, so you have an idea what they are. Has he discussed them with you?" He adjusts his glasses.

"Well, he did bring it up, but I had no idea what they were. I have his folder from when he was put into foster care, and I'm sure his medical reports are all there. I haven't taken a look at it personally because I was just trying to focus on Christian and the new life that he so badly wanted."

"And how about his foster parents?"

I let out a sigh of relief, "well, Christian refused to see the Pierce's after they were first kicked out of the room like downright refused. Nothing was changing his mind. We had to respect that. The Pierces, they had to respect that, and they did." John nods, "we tried again a couple of days later… it was just as bad as the first. So, a week and a half later, we explained the situation of their Trevor and _our_ Christian, it was clear as day. They understood and didn't protest. But, I could see it in their eyes that they were crushed. But, they didn't want to refuse _their Trevor_ of what he wanted. So, it was his decision, ultimately. He wanted us to adopt him; there were no if, and or buts. So, by the time he had been fully discharged, the adoption was complete. Carrick was able to pull some strings to make it all happen very quickly."

John looks up at me with adoration. "Remember medical reports you have on hand?" I nod, "I think if you take a look at it, it can shed some light on a couple of things. Mostly a lot of the questions you have can be answered there, and I think that's best." I nod again, "I think it's such a great thing what you guys did for Christian. While even though he doesn't remember his memories of how or why he's _still_ the same person he has _always_ been. He didn't lose those core traits about himself; I'm sure you've noticed that. Also, he is still deeply connected with you guys' in a way that no one could possibly understand." John smiles at me. "I'm also glad that his foster parents didn't _force_ him to be who Christian refused to be. I'm also glad they didn't _stop_ Christian from connecting with you guys' and letting the adoption happen on his terms."

"Yes, and I couldn't be more thankful." I beam.

"So now… how about his foster parents, how are they doing now? Also, his foster brother Jack, how is he?" He taps his leg on the ground.

"Well, they call from time to time to check on Christian. I'm sure this is hard for them. They've known him as Trevor and helped shape him into the young man he was all those years ago. So, I think that's why they're a bit distant. They're not used to who Christian is now, and I'm sure that takes a lot of time getting used to. I don't blame them, not at all. But, I'm sure, with given time, they'll want to get to know Christian again. I don't mind it as long as Christian doesn't. It's all up to him. But, they're strangers to him, and I think that's what hurts." I sigh heavily, "As for Jack, well… he's crushed. They were close. Trev-er- Christian would call him while they were both still in college and they'd always kept in touch when he moved to Seattle. Now, Jack quit his job at a Random House Publishing in New York and recently got the same position out here at Seattle Independent Publishing. I think he just wants to reconnect with his foster brother, but I don't know if it is quite possible. I'm not against Christian trying, but if he chooses to, that's his choice. I don't want to overwhelm Christian too much with his past." I explain, and it feels good to let this out.

"Hmmm. I get it, Grace. I am glad no one is pushing Christian to come face to face with his past or old identity. Also, you are right. Don't overwhelm Christian too much with his past, either. He may not react nicely, and you wouldn't want that. Just let Christian live his life and if he wants to reconnect with those people, let it be done on _his_ terms. I'm sure they're hurt, and that's completely understandable. You know this already," he raises a brow at me, "but, I'll continue anyway. They have to understand that Trevor is no longer there; it's an _identity_ Christian can no longer connect himself to. He still has the _same_ characteristics and the essence of the _"Trevor"_ they know and love, but he's taken on a _new_ identity, and while he may not have the same name, it doesn't mean he doesn't have the same core personality or morals. Memories don't _change_ a person; it just disables the ability for them to _remember_ how they came to be that person. But, again, you already know that," he chuckles. "You also know that, if they want to be involved in Christian's life, they have to accept him _as_ Christian. He has embraced who he is and is comfortable in his own skin, he owns his own company now, and he does _enjoy_ his life." John says, "they wouldn't hinder that by resurfacing in his life again." I nod in understanding.

"You're right; I guess I just needed to hear it again. My next thing is, what about the dreams? The good ones? The one he keeps talking about… a brunette girl with no face? I understand why dreams occur, but he's just so… attached." _Who is this brunette girl? I've always wondered. He'd tell me about it, but sometimes… I just don't understand why it affects him so profoundly._

"They're just dreams. I don't know why he has them, but I'm sure somewhere deep in his subconscious, he knows exactly who it is. But, due to the memory loss... his memories are severely suppressed. I wouldn't dwell too much, and they seem to keep the nightmares at bay some nights." I smile at this answer. I have no idea who this brunette girl is in his memories, but I'm glad he can get some nights of sleep

"Have you, Carrick, and your parents thought about having a sit down with Christian and finally tell him about his old life as Trevor Knight?"

"No, absolutely not. Carrick, my parents and I made a promise, a _vow_ that we would never subject Christian to his old life. If you were only there, John when he woke up and continued on and on about how he is no longer Trevor Knight… well, you can understand why we made that decision. _No matter what_ we won't spring information onto Christian unless he wants to. And that _has_ to be on _his_ terms like you mentioned about everything else. It's not fair to him, and it wouldn't be fair to him if we do that now, _after everything._ " I stress, and John nods in understanding.

"I understand why you guys made that decision, Grace. It's just something to continue thinking about. You don't want to keep all that bottled up inside, and that's why I'm here for all of you, not just as a colleague, but as a friend. Also, you are right, and it's on Christian's terms." He tells me, "Now, the last thing… how's Susannah?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

"She's good," I reply curtly, and he raises a brow at me. "Well, as you know, she's a nice young lady. I mean, what's there to say? She was there when Christian woke up. We were having dinner with both Elena and Susannah when the Pierce's called us about the accident. They wanted to come with us." Now that I say that out loud, it sounds a little _weird_. "Anyways, Susannah was really nice and helpful to our family during the aftermath of everything. Her, Elena, and Linc… they've been there for us. Christian and Susannah have a _seemingly_ good relationship with each other." I explain but don't want to share what my _real_ thoughts are about Susannah.

I continued, "I also think she wants to further things with Christian… But, I don't think that Christian is quite ready for that yet. She has a powerful personality, and I don't think, I don't _know_ if Christian is attracted to her in any way."

"I see. Susannah is a nice young woman, and is one of the only women outside of your family that I've met during Sunday dinners," he explains nonchalantly. "Just saying," he laughs. "Well, I think that's all. I just wanted to let you have a chance to let what you've been holding inside, out. This hasn't been easy on any of you, so just know that I am not only here for you and Christian, but my help extends to your family as well." John smiles at me.

"Well, thank you for talking with me, John. I appreciate all you've done for Christian and my family." I tell him sincerely as I stand up from the couch.

"Of course, Grace. You know I am always here for you guys. Christian has not only been my patient, but he's also become a good friend. He's a good person, you know. You're helping him become a fine young man. Just continue to be patient with him, all of you. I know it's not easy, but it's worth it. All kids are worth it." He pats me on the shoulder, reassuringly.

"Thank you, John. You'll understand the feeling very soon. I think I've taken too much of your time. I'm sure you have other patients to see." I tell him, and he chuckles.

"Yes, I do, then I must go home to Rhiann. She's been staying at home since she's been having back pains from the pregnancy." He tells me, and I am looking at him in such awe.

"Well, look at you! Such a good husband! Well, I can't wait to meet the darling little boy," I tell him as I open the door, and we walk out. In the reception area stands Taylor, Christian's CPO and my CPO Stevens with my cup of coffee. I take it from him elated for a cup of joe, and he chuckles. "Hello, Taylor! How is your morning going?" I acknowledge Taylor who is standing next to Stevens with his hands behind his back.

"I'm doing well, ma'am." He answers professionally.

"Taylor, you've been protecting my son for a couple of years now! Feel free to call me Grace," I offer politely, but I know he won't.

"Mrs. Grey or ma'am works well with me, ma'am." I nod and let it go. I knew I wouldn't win that one, but I tried. Taylor has seriously been almost like family to us. He keeps my son safe, and I'm forever grateful for him and my sons' security team. I take a seat at and John leaves, about twenty minutes later, Christian arrives.

"Ready to go, mom? Want to grab some lunch?" I nod.

Christian escorts me to the elevator with Taylor and Steven's following close behind.

"How does The Mile High sound?"

"Sounds great, son. Let's go."

We enter the elevator and go straight to the SUV.

xxx xxx

Upon entering The Mile High Club, we were seated in our usual private area.

"The usual, mom?" Christian asks me while he raises his hand for the waiter.

"Sure. But, can I get soda water with a squeeze of lime?"

"Of course mom, anything you want." He says as the waiter approaches our table. Christian orders our food and I think this is the best time to ask how his sessions have been going.

"How was your session today, honey?" I ask as I lay the napkin on my lap and Christian does the same.

"It was intense, but needed." He answers shortly.

"Why did you need it?" I ask with curiosity.

"Mom, I just sat through a two-hour therapy session with my therapist. Do you really think I'd like to go through another session with you?" He asks me sounding a bit aggravated.

I sigh, "honey, I'm just wanting to know how everything is going. I can tell you haven't been sleeping well. I see those purple-ish bags under your eyes."

He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, "the nightmares. They've been keeping me up." He says with a pain expression.

"What are they about?" I ask concerned about my son's well being.

"I don't exactly know. I'm trying to piece them together, but for some reason, I can't. I get these flashes of things, but I don't know why. One minute, I'm having fun in some living room with toys, then next I'm being dragged around by my shirt by some man." He explains, and my heart aches.

"Can you see the man?"

"That's the thing; all the faces are blurred. The man… he… he… burns me… with… with… cigarettes. He did it, mom! I can't even see the face of the man who did this to me!" He stresses, and I put my hand over his.

"Christian, please calm down. I didn't mean to upset you." He tries to breathe slowly and deeply through his ragged breathing.

"Let's not talk about it, okay?" He closes his eyes, and I nod.

After two minutes, he opens his eyes and gives me a small smile. "I saw the interview you did for Elite Business Magazine, how did that go?" I ask, intrigued.

"Well, I was supposed to be interviewed by someone else, Elite Business Magazine's ' _top_ journalist,' but apparently, she was too busy. The person they sent in replacement of her was friendly and courteous. I had no issues, and it went by relatively quick. I don't usually do interviews, but I thought by at least doing one… everyone else would back off."

"I understand, son. You've just accomplished so much in the short amount of time that GEH has come to life, and I'm sure everyone wants to know who's behind such a successful business. I wouldn't doubt that it inspires so many people." I tell him honestly. "Also, I'm glad it went well. I know you aren't fond of interviews. And did you see that picture they had of you? So handsome!"

"I had Andrea send it in. I didn't want any reason as to why they would need to contact me again." I nod.

"You know, I'm so proud of you, Christian. We all are, especially your father. You are so selfless and caring about those who are in need of help; I'm in awe of you." I tell genuinely tell him.

"Thank you, mom. I just want to make you guys proud."

"You do, Christian. You most definitely do."

The waiter comes with our drinks and food; we begin to eat and continue to have small talk.

We're enjoying our lunch, and then we hear a familiar voice. "Christian?" We both stop eating and turn in the direction of the voice. She comes clutched onto Elliot's side to our table.

"Susannah, hello." Christian stands up to greet her with a kiss on the cheek, "you look lovely today," he mentions. "Hey, bro." He says to Elliot and hugs him.

"Hi, Grace!" Susannah approaches and hugs me.

"Hey mom," Elliot kisses me on the cheek. "Little Bro! _Fancy_ seeing you here!" He tells Christian as they hug, and Christian's usual answer, 'I own the place' with a smile.

"What are you doing here today?" Christian asks them both.

"I'm just out having lunch with Elliot," she says excitedly, "he's helping me with a project that I've got going on." She beams proudly, and Elliot just nods in agreement.

"How lovely!" I say, "and how was your lunch?" I ask while taking a bite of my salad.

"Very interesting," Elliot says, and Susannah gives him this _look_. "It was delicious," he adds.

"I love hanging out with Elliot; he's such a jokester." Susannah grins.

 _I hope Elliot isn't trying to state that something is happening between him and little Ms. Lincoln._

"Well, sorry that we have to cut this short, we've got to get going. Elliot has some places to show me, and I've got other things to do afterward," Susannah says in a rush.

"Yeah, we've gotta go! Sorry, mom and little bro! But, work is work!" He says and gives me another kiss on the cheek and a fist bump to Christian.

 _I've never seen Susannah or Elliot act like this before._

"See you later, Grace." Susannah hugs me, and then Christian stands up like the gentleman that he is to see her out.

"Let's grab lunch soon, yeah Christian?" She goes in to hug him, and he kisses her on the cheek.

"Of course. You know how to contact me." Christian sits back down while Susannah and Elliot leave the restaurant.

We continue to eat, and I just can't get this nagging feeling away from me. Susannah's behavior was so _odd_. I wonder if Christian noticed that.

"Son, did you notice Susannah's behavior towards Elliot and vise versa?"

"Hmmm. No, not really. Susannah always acts like that." Christian explains as he takes a sip of his wine.

"Are you sure? I've certainly never seen her like that."

"I'm sure, mom. Susannah has always had a bold personality. Now I know you know _that._ Elena is the same way."

"Yes, that I do know. But, the way she spoke to Elliot… it was interesting. It's like they were hiding something, I'm not sure. But, I've never seen _that_ before."

"I don't think so, mom. They were discussing business, as they mentioned. You know Susannah, when it comes to work and business, she's really serious about it. Don't over analyze it, her or Elliot. Susannah is sweet and caring. Plus, you know how Elliot is, he loves to help out people, and the fact that we're close to the Lincoln's… well, you know. But, she is always like _that_ , you just never took notice, I guess." I think long and hard before I give a tight nod.

"You're right. Elena does also have a powerful and bold personality as well. I guess I just never actually see it happen before my own eyes like that. It was just weird." I say but can't shake off this feeling as we continue with our lunch.

He's right, though.

But still, something in my gut keeps on nagging me about Susannah Lincoln.

Maybe she was trying to make Christian… jealous?

Maybe she didn't expect Christian not to care?

I just don't know what it is.

But I decide it's best that I just shrug it off.

As we continue with lunch my phone rings, I look down, and it's my father, Theo. I pick up quickly.

"Hello, dad!" I answer cheerfully. It's been awhile since I've spoken to my parents or visited them, I miss them dearly.

"Grace? I need you to come to Tennessee as soon as possible!" His voice sounds panicked.

"What's wrong, dad?" I ask as I try to tell Christian that we should go now.

"Adela… she… she… she died." He says, and I gasp audibly as tears begin to form in my eyes.

"How… What happened?" I ask in shock.

"Listen, just come to Tennessee, and we'll have everything explained! Hurry Grace, please." My dad begs.

"Okay dad, we'll be there as soon as possible." I hang up and begin to cry.

"Mom, what's wrong? What happened?" Christian asks as he offers his hand for me to stand so that we can leave.

"We need to go to Tennessee, Christian. Can you get your jet ready as soon as possible? Adela, my mother, your grandmother… She… she died." I say as I break out in tears. Christian comforts me.

"I'll get to it, mom. Come on; let's get you out of here. Taylor!" He shouts, and I nod as we leave the restaurant with Taylor in tow.

We're in the car, and I hear Christian on the phone making arrangements for Tennessee, while I'm just silently crying right next to him, clutching my phone in my hand wondering if I should call Carrick now or later. Christian hangs up the phone after barking orders and grabs hold of my hand.

"Don't worry mom; we're going to Tennessee." I nod and begin to violently sob, leaning on my son's shoulder while he's hugging me with one arm, and caressing my shoulder; letting me know that he's here for me.

* * *

 _ **? POV**_

I'm seething as I get home and throw my shit on the floor.

I take my phone out and give a call to the one person I know will listen to me, no matter what time it is or how angry I am. I hover my thumb over the number and hit call, my contact answers immediately.

"Listen well; I've got a lot to say! You know, I've been around _his_ ass for four and a half fucking years, and you'd think you'd be able to get somewhere with him? But, no. All he does is work his ass off and spend time with his "loving" family. _That's fucking all._ " I hiss. "But you know, lucky for me because after the accident I knew that with his memory loss, he wouldn't remember a damn thing! But, fuck did I hit the jackpot when Christian woke up and didn't even know his own goddamn name! Can you believe that?" I yell.

"He lost that much of his memory? Damn, that sucks."

"Yup," I pop the P, "And I knew him even back then, yet now, he has no idea how." I laugh sinisterly, "and now, he will never be able to make the connection. Which also means, he doesn't remember _her_ , and to my delight, he hasn't mentioned her once."

 _His memories are really lost, gone with a high chance that they won't be coming back... thank God! It's been what? Four fucking years? Good riddance!_

"But, do you know what the problem is? I don't see him trying to move on at all. I've seen him flirt with women, yes, but I don't think he's ever gone any further than that. Fucking pussy! And why the hell not?" I ask.

"Because he's a fucking idiot. There's plenty of pussy around, but he doesn't want a taste? What a fucking waste of a dick," my contact says.

 _I know he's still holding onto this fucking dreaming bullshit, but come on? They're just fucking dreams._

 _Well, he needs to get the fuck over it._

"Exactly. And you know what? I fucking worked my ass off to hide a lot of vital information of that fucking mess of an accident he was in without getting caught! Four and a half years later? And I still haven't gotten caught. I'm that good. Doesn't it also feel good to know people and have dirt on them? A lot of dirt?"

"Correction, _we_ worked our asses off, remember that!" My contact snarls, "and sure it makes it all the more fun," my contact snickers.

 _Fucking bipolar ass._

We continue or chatter until my phone beeps, telling me it'll die soon, and I'm too lazy to grab a charger.

"Look, I've got to go. My phone's going to die. I'm going try and relax, maybe eat then take a shower. I'll talk to you later, got it?"

"Got it, bye." I hang up.

As I grab some order some delivery, I take a seat on the couch and think about how _the plan_ was all set in motion. _It was easy as hell when you have all the information at your disposal._

The cover was one hell of a pay up, but _he's_ worth it. And now that's he's a millionaire, he's even _more_ worth it.

When I heard what exact site the plane crash was at, I called a friend of mine to check out the site, find and drag Christian's ass to the hospital that I had connections to. They were also instructed to leave anyone else _behind_. So, before the media caught wind of everything, it just seemed as if there were **_no_** survivors.

That's what's the media reported at first, _dumb fucks_.

Once they caught wind of the _lone_ survivor who was able to get far enough away from the crash, they were all over it like fucking leeches. It was big news, and I was gloating on the sidelines. But, little did they know there were _two_ survivors.

 _Dumbasses._

Regarding that ' _lone survivor_ ,' he got a little _pep_ talk from some people when they found him next to Christian's body, and he was scared shitless. _Pussy_. I paid him off by taking care of his medical expenses, and also gave him enough money to leave the county under an alias after he's fully recovered. He would get his fifteen minutes of fame with the media, and that's enough. He agreed and was all for it. He was also threatened to never speak of the _other_ survivor, or he'd be dead, no matter where he was in the world. _We'd find him._

Safe to say, he'll keep his trap _shut._

Now, with Christian, I made sure he had a private team of doctors, nurses, and specialists to his disposal and tended to him when needed. And no one besides the team, a few others and I knew what had been done; we took an _oath._ They were to act 'natural' in front of The Pierce's, Grey's and whoever else would show up in that damn hospital room, so that no one would suspect a thing or there would be _hell_ to pay. Paying off the doctors was as easy as fucking pie; they'd bat an eyelash for a sum of money.

 _Greedy fuckers._

I was even able to get a death certificate under "Trevor Knight," signed by a friend of mine to make it look legitimate.

Signed, sealed, sent.

I wish I could have seen _her_ face when she got that. It would have been classic.

Now, I just have to make sure that I keep everything under wraps like I've been able to for years now. It hasn't always been easy, but it hasn't been as difficult as I expected.

Continuing to play the part is the only thing I have to do really, and I'm doing a hell of a job at it. I just have to try and have more patience. I can't afford to fuck up now, while I've been sitting pretty for how many years now?

No one has even fucking noticed a damn thing about the plans I've made and accomplished.

 _I should win an award for my acting skills._

* * *

 **Of course with answers, there's always more questions! ;)**

 **There you have it; he's now Christian Grey!** **But, he's always been in my story, I just had him under a different name, 'Trevor Knight.'** **I chose for him not to have him adopted at such a young age by the Greys.** **I was dropping a couple of hints like gray eyes, brown/copper-ish hair, and connections to the Trevelyans/Greys. He does have the same background as canon, but I didn't make his haphephobia severe.**

 **Hope this chapter cleared up some things for you guys!**

 **Thank you for reading and don't forget to leave a review!**

 **See you all soon! x**


	10. Chapter 10 - Unexpected Death

**A/N: Hello everyone! I apologize for not updating last week. RL has been kicking my butt hard! I'm opening up a new business, so a lot of my time has been dedicated to that. Also, I was in a bit of a 'funk' is what I've been calling it. But rest assured, I'm slowly getting back into writing and all :)** **I'd like to give a major shoutout, lots of love and thank you to the lovely ladies who have been so supportive and have had my back with the _trolling_ lately. You ladies know who you are! ;) *Big hugs***

 **Friendly reminder: I know the chapter titles might be something you've seen before my rewrite, but what entails in the chapter may be different from what you've read in the past. Please read on before thinking it might be something you've read before. Thanks :)**

 **Anywhoo, on with the story!**

 **All mistakes are mine!**

 **Enjoy loves! See you at the bottom!**

* * *

Chapter 10 - Unexpected Death

 _ **APOV**_

 _ **Thursday**_

I'm blankly staring at the paperwork in front of me, and for the life of me, I can't get shit done.

It's frustrating as hell.

Between my relentless thoughts about everything that has happened since the last time, I saw Trevor and my kids… I haven't been able to keep focused on what needs to be done.

 _Everything_ about that time affected me much deeper than I'd like to admit.

Since the accident, I had Hannah; my PA pile my days with endless meetings and paperwork. _So that I can try to keep my mind free of him._ But, for some reason, I can't get _him_ out of my mind.

Today is another one of those days.

 _Fuck._

 _I can't stop thinking about him._

 _Every time I close my eyes, I see those gray eyes staring back at me._

I'm losing my fucking mind.

 _Back to work, Ana,_ I curse myself. But, I just can't get back into it.

To say my obsessive thoughts about _Trevor's_ gray eyes have been driving me to the point of insanity would be treading it lightly. The relentless thoughts of him have been preventing me from getting a damn thing done. My exhaustion is beginning to hit me hard. Usually, work keeps me grounded, keeps me busy. But, those words are _against_ me right now. I've been an emotional mess recently, and I have no idea why. Maybe because it's close to the _five-year mark_ of _him_ being gone?

I've never really moved on.

I've accepted what happened, but my heart still bleeds for him. _Four and a half years later._

All of my heart. All of my thoughts. All of my feelings. All of my _love._

It's still and has always been for _him._

 _The memories we've shared together never stray too far. Even if there aren't many._

 _It hurts._

 _Damnit, it hurts._

Here I am again, not able to get anything done because not only can I _not_ stop thinking about Trevor and it's brought up those memories of when I _knew_ I lost him.

xxx xxx

After my initial reaction to hearing about the plane crash, I spent a week keeping myself locked up in my room. I couldn't sleep, I refused to eat, I refused to work, and I refused to socialize. I banned my sisters from coming to my rescue, and I forbade them from talking to me about the plane accident.

 _Time_ , I told them, was what I needed.

The news they gave me was too much, all of it was too much. It felt like the walls were caving in and I couldn't breathe. I had lost the _one_ person who meant more to me than words could _ever_ say. I had lost the _one_ person who even just for a second, saw me weak and vulnerable. Saw me for me. I had lost the _one_ person who could have freed me from my demons.

 _And he was gone._

That one week, I needed time for myself. I needed to really let reality set in that not only was I going to _have_ to accept his death; I was going to bare _his_ child without him.

It seemed like my sorrow _never_ ended.

Suddenly, a week of moping was enough.

Every night, I'd hold my stomach, whispering promises of a _beautiful_ life and a _loving_ parent.

What was I doing moping around for?

A flame lit inside of me, a newfound determination. I _needed_ to find out what happened to him regardless of whether or not I liked what I heard. Something clicked inside of me no matter how much my heart was shattered; my unborn baby.

I had to do this for my unborn baby.

I spent hours watching the news reports on TV, reading articles online, and I personally decided to formulate a plan to try and look _deeper_ into the matter of the crash.

My sisters were _wrong._

The news reports were _wrong._

It was said that there was only _**one**_ survivor of the crash, _goddamnit._ They didn't find him at first because he was able to get pretty far away from the accident.

Who the fuck let these fuckers go around, telling the world that there were _no_ survivors?

 _Assholes._

The lone survivor looked happy to be alive in interviews. He just kept going on and on with how _lucky_ he felt to have survived such a tragic accident with minor injuries but never mentioned anything else besides that.

 _Lucky fuck._

A few weeks after the crash, I formed a team to go out and look for the _lone_ survivor after the crash, and they were to report back to me if they found _anything_. But much to my disappointment, they found nothing substantial. The lone survivor was at the hospital for just a few days and then discharged. _Damnit._ We weren't allowed to get any information on him, not _even_ a fucking name. He could be fucking anyone.

 _That's all I needed._

Apparently, the explosion burned _the rest_ of the bodies to the point where they were unrecognizable, and it would take weeks or maybe even months to go through all of the ashes. Upon knowing that information, I had some of my team go to the nearby hospitals to gather any information on a _Trevor Knight_. I had hopes that _maybe_ they were wrong. _All of them._ Even though I've read numerous times that there were _no_ other survivors, I had to know _for sure._

He had to be out there, somewhere, anywhere.

I'd feel it if the love of my life has departed, right?

When I got a report back, my team was told that there's no " _record_ " of a Trevor Knight that was hospitalized. _I refused to believe it._ But, what really pushed me over the edge was getting an official death certificate a couple of days later with his name plastered on it.

 _His_ death certificate signed by the Coroner of the county, _that was it._

 _He's dead._

After receiving that death certificate; my world collapsed. I stopped my team from doing _anything_. Furthermore, I just paid them, and they were on their way.

There was no point in looking for a dead man; he was never coming back.

 _He's dead_ I continued to think to myself. _He's never coming back_ ; I continued to torture myself with these thoughts for days.

Funeral arrangements were made, but I chose not to go. It didn't register right with me. I didn't feel worthy enough to attend. In the ruckus of all the dead bodies, one of them belonged to _him_. Just why? I couldn't handle the pain, the suffering, and the loss. So, if I attended his funeral, no doubt, I would have been a mess. _Maybe even more than a mess._

Why did he leave me? Why is he gone?

With all these never-ending thoughts, countless questions, and never enough answers… I lost myself in work and my pregnancy.

That's how I grieved.

Nothing else, nothing more.

 _He was gone._

 _Forever._

xxx xxx

I've been snapped out of my thoughts when a phone call from Hannah comes through, letting me know I have a meeting in twenty minutes. One last meeting, then it'll be time to go home, and I'm so glad. I've spent too much of my morning and afternoon _thinking about him._

Tonight is 'almost the weekend pajama party,' cuddles and junk food with my little munchkins when we settle at home.

I'm so ready for that, a night with my kids.

Away from the world, away from work.

As I gather the last of my things before leaving the office for my meeting, I take a look at the photo of Teddy and Alex that sits proudly on my desk. I trace their facial features, but what strikes me most is Teddy's gray eyes. _They're like carbon copies of each other._ This has become a daily ritual before I step foot out of my office for any reason.

It doesn't help that it also makes me think about how life _could_ be so _different_ right now.

Trevor and I could have been happy, _more_ in love, married, and think about having _more_ kids. I might have trusted him and myself enough to let him touch me in places I've never let him touch. _Could have_. There are endless possibilities to where our "relationship" would have ended up.

It's the future I now constantly crave, but I know it won't ever happen.

I fucked up. I should have opened myself up more to him, I should have been _brave_ , and I shouldn't have been so _ashamed_.

But, that's the thing about the future, you just never know what will happen. In a split second, life can change with a blink of an eye.

I can't stop but think that if I didn't let my fears stop me from living life, if I didn't let my _thoughts_ and the _past_ haunt me up until now, and if only I could just let it all go and move forward... then maybe I didn't have to build these walls around to protect myself.

Now, here I am, and my heart still hurts. I wipe a tear that falls because _I_ have been able to accept that he's dead, but my heart cannot move on from _him._..

I'm interrupted by my door flying open, and Kate comes marching in like she owns the place. The look on her face has me concerned. Kate typically doesn't come barging in unless she knocks first, so that means something is going on. I throw a pointed look at the door, and Kate is a pale as a sheet.

"Ana... Dad he just called and..." Kate stutters.

I compose myself and stand up from my seat, ushering her towards the couch in my office. After she settles, I take a seat next to her and carefully lay my hand on top of hers just so she doesn't touch the burns on my wrists, trying to let her know that I'm here and willing to listen to whatever has made her so upset. "Okay Kate, breathe first then tell me what's going on." Kate closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Ana… Dad called me and told me that something terrible happened." This raises concern.

"What is it, Kate? One second, I have to let Hannah know I won't be attending the meeting. She can have someone else run it." I call Hannah in and let her know; she quickly leaves to tend to the matter. Then, I turn my attention back to my sister. "Katie, Is dad okay? How about mom? Ethan?"

"No, no, it's not them Ana. They're fine, trust me. It's… it's Adela Trevelyan. Remember her?"

"Of course I do! What kind of question is that? Is she okay? Wh-what about her?"

She sighs.

"I don't know _how_ to say this or that I even want to. But… she passed away. She's g-g-gone." I pull my hand away from hers, and put it over my mouth, as tears threaten to fall.

"H-how? W-why?" I'm now a complete sobbing mess.

Kate stands up and starts to pace in my office. "She had a heart attack, Ana! A fucking heart attack! Dad said that Theo got there too late! I just… I can't believe she's gone." She explains, and I continue to break down in tears.

I don't know what to do with Kate, as she continues to pace. I can't even fucking hug her without my anxiety and fear creeping up on me. I feel so fucking hopeless, useless! I'm just watching her pace as she cries her eyes out! I'm her fucking sister, and I'm terrified to be touched! Damnit! There's something wrong with me, so fucking wrong!

So, I did the _only_ thing I could do. I stand up, grab her hand, give it a tight squeeze, and escort her towards the couch, again. She needs to calm down, as do I. When I do so, she gives me a confused look. I _never_ push my boundaries when it comes to situations like this. My sisters have always respected that.

"Annie… why is she gone?" Kate says in a childlike voice. Every time she calls me _Annie_ or speaks like this, I know it's affecting her. Kate tries hard to mask her emotions, but right now, I know she can't.

"I don't know, Kate. It's life." I kiss her forehead, trying to give her as much comfort as I can through my boundaries. With this small gesture, her tough exterior is gone, as she begins to sob.

Although Kate is the youngest, she is usually strong-willed and doesn't like to show emotion, but now, she's in such hysterics. I'm sure everyone outside of my office is wondering what the hell is going. But, I don't care. Adela's _dead_. Suddenly, Luke comes barging in with his gun out as if we're being attacked. _Someone must have thought something terrible was happening in here!_ Once he inspects the place and realizes there's no threat, he puts the gun away and looks at both of us with concern.

"Ma'am, what's going on? Are you okay?" Luke asks approaching me. "Someone passed by your office, saying they heard screaming and crying."

I try to recollect myself for a few moments. Then, I look up, but I can't help the tears that threaten to come. "Luke, I need to fucking soundproof my office! Nosey fuckers." I say sternly while standing up slowly, composing myself.

"I can ask Andrews to look into it later if you'd like?" I nod. "Is everything okay? Did something happen? It can't be Teddy and Alex, I've got Andrews on watch at the daycare. Are you and Ms. Kate okay?"

"Thank you, Luke. Sadly, no. We are not okay. We have lost someone near and dear to us. We just got the news. I know it's a little early, but can you please sign out Teddy and Alex from the daycare floor and get them ready to go? I have a few things to clear up here in the office, and then we will be done for the day. I also want you to call Joseph and get the jet ready for Saturday. We will be leaving for Tennessee." My voice cracks.

"My condolences, Ms. Ana. Yes, I'll go get the munchkins and meet you back up here." Before doing so, he approaches Kate and gives her a genuine look of concern.

"Ms. Kate, my deepest condolences." He puts his hand on her shoulder.

Kate automatically gets up and hugs Luke. I can't help but stifle a laugh because of how awkward Luke must feel. He looks almost robotic, while she's a blubbering mess in his arms. He decides to finally wrap his arms around her, giving her a big Luke bear hug.

"Thank you, Luke." She holds on much longer than she is supposed to, but after a couple of moments, she _finally_ let's go.

"Now, I will get the munchkins," Luke straightens up.

"Thank you, Luke. We'll see you in the elevator," he nods and leaves my office.

I turn back to Kate. "Really, Katie? You know… you can't go holding onto Luke for dear life like that, especially in the office." I roll my eyes at her. "At home, fine. Do as you please. But, you can't go having PDA in the office. I won't allow it." I try to sound serious, but Kate just smiles at me.

"What? I couldn't help it. But, damn, did it feel good to be in his arms! A girl can dream, can't she?" Again, I roll my eyes at her statement.

"Sure. Now, let me just fix a couple of documents then we will be on our way, okay? Just sit here and try to calm down from your emotions and little fantasies of Luke, take deep breaths. Call Ellie, and we will all leave together. We will have to contact Grace and Carrick Grey and see if they need help with the arrangements." Kate just nods as she goes to sit on the couch with her phone out.

Before I begin to gather my things, I decide to ask Kate something I've been wondering since the interview that she missed for a Christian Grey. I know she had a hard time getting that interview. "By any chance, did Ms. Hudson give you any more feedback on the interview you had her do with Christian Grey?"

"No, nothing else besides the what she's already reported back to me. I just gave her the questions that I had set and ready, but I also told her not to _push_. Although, she was able to get a photo of him for the cover. She deserves a lot of praise for that; she did a great job! Have you seen it?"

"No, I haven't seen the cover. In fact, I haven't even seen the magazine as a whole yet, I've been swamped. I'll check it out sometime; I doubt don't it's great. You always do an amazing job. Anyways, I _only_ saw the rough draft of the interview itself before I gave the okay to have it printed. I do admire that he talks a great deal about family and how much he loves to help people during the interview." She gives me a knowing look. "And did you see that? His last name is Grey, I-" She cuts me off.

"Just because his name his last name is Grey, it doesn't mean what you think. I have to say a lot of things are down to coincidence." She tells me. "And he reminds you of Trevor, huh?" I just nod. "It's the way he cares, how selfless he is." I nod again, not willing to speak. I can't believe she brought him up. "Ana, I know how hard it's been for you for the past four years. When Trevor passed…" I glare at her. "Well, I'll spare the details. But, I know how hard it's been for you, sis. You have to try and let go. Everything happens for a reason, and you have to believe that. You can't continue to harbor all these thoughts and feelings. I think you should start seeing a therapist again…"

"No! I will _not_ be seeing another expensive charlatan. I _refuse._ Things may remind me of Trevor, that much is true. But, I'm _okay_ , Katie. I just thought I'd ask… maybe I was wrong to." I explain, upset.

"Hey, don't get upset. It's okay, I understand. But, I'm also not _that_ desperate to find out about these people's' _private_ lives. Christian Grey is big in the business world, but he doesn't go out much. He's a _very_ private person. Much like _someone_ I know. He attends events such as galas, dinners, etc. but, we know _many_ people that do that. In my interviews, I just like to scratch the surface and pick their brains a bit. I don't want to just _dive_ right now; I don't know the person."

 _Wow, that's when she chooses not to give those business people the 'Kate Kavanagh inquisition?'_

"I just can't wrap my head around it. I think it's a little odd that his last name is Grey and we know a Grey family. Although it's been years since we last spoke to them, they _never_ mentioned having kids to us, if I remember correctly. So, maybe I'm just overthinking. It's been a long week, and I've been a mess lately, honestly."

"I think you are too, sis. Just relax. I understand where you are coming from. But, we don't keep up with their lives, ours is hectic as it is. Let's get going soon; I feel icky after all this crying." She chuckles, and I pass her a couple of tissues, just as I wipe the tears from my face.

 _Leave it to Kate. She can make me laugh in any situation, even if we were emotional messes moments before._

After I'm calm, I start putting things back in order on my desk and sigh. Not only am I mentally exhausted, but I'm now even more emotionally exhausted. It's been a long week, and it isn't even over yet. I gather my things and go to the restroom to fix myself before we leave for the day.

"Come on, let's get going now. The kids should be in the elevator as soon as we call it up." She just nods and exits right before me.

I lock up my office and let Hannah know what the deal is.

"Hannah, we are leaving for the day. I'm sorry for the short notice, please cancel all meetings and enjoy your weekend. We have personal matters to attend to, and I might not be in next week. I will let you know. So, please move all my appointments around and notify the department heads that Elizabeth and Kate won't be in, as well. Thank you."

"Yes, ma'am. Re-really? Thank you. Enjoy your weekend." She says surprised. This rarely ever happens. So, she must be happy.

Kate and I head to the elevator right as it opens and Teddy, Alex, and Luke are already inside.

Alex has a grumpy pout going on, while Teddy is playing with his toy action figure.

We enter the elevator and Luke pushes the button for the parking garage.

"Mommy, why are we leaving early? I didn't even get my snack! I'm soooo hungry!" Alex says huffs with her arms across her chest. _This little girl and her food._

"Is that how you greet mommy and Aunt Kate?" I raise my eyebrow at the both of them.

"Not me! Hi, Aunt Katie and hi mommy! Look, Barry is running at lightning speed mommy!" Teddy says with a grin with his toy moving at "lightning speed" as he says.

"Sorry, mommy!" Alex mumbles. "Hi Aunt Katie, hi mommy. Why do you look like you crying, Aunt Katie?" Alex asks as she puts her arms up in front of Kate wanting to be held.

"Aunt Katie is just sad, little one. I got some really, really sad news." Kate picks her up and tells her with a sad expression.

"If I give Aunt Katie kisses, will she feel allll better?" Alex asks.

"Yes, how about some kisses from my little one?" Alex then begins to kiss Kate all over her face, and they both get into a fit of giggles. _At least they're both smiling now_.

"Mommy, I'm hungry too," Teddy says as he holds my hand and looks up at me.

"Don't worry! I have the solution for that!" I give him a wink. "Alex, Teddy, since we're heading out of the office early today… Why don't we stop by McDonald's and grab you guys something to eat, and then, we'll head home, and you can play?"

 _Bait, line, and sinker! I know I've got them!_

"YAY! We love McDonald's mommy! I especially love when we get toys in our happy meal! That's what makes me happy and I get to eat!" Alex says with a smile, rubbing her little belly while still in Kate's arms. _I knew she'd take it!_

"Mommy, can I get apples in my meal instead of french fries?" Teddy asks as he tugs on my hand.

Always so healthy and eager to eat his fruits and vegetables. The total opposite of my little cookie monster, Alex.

"Of course baby, you guys can eat whatever your little heart's desire!" Kate puts Alex down because she's wiggling out of her arms. Both her and Teddy chat animatedly about their happy meals. They clap their little hands in such delight of being able to have fast food. _It's the small things._

We meet Ellie on the bottom floor and head to the SUV.

After grabbing the kids food, we are now in the comfort of our home. Shortly after we have arrived, we enjoyed our late lunch prepared by Ms. Harper.

After lunch, I ask Ms. Harper if she can take the kids to the playroom and watch over them, while I have a meeting with my sisters.

We are all gathered in the living room with refreshments, and it's quiet between us. It's odd being around my sisters and it's this quiet because we're all used to our bickering and bantering around. I'm the first to speak up.

"I don't know if you've heard Ellie, but I'll say it anyway… Dad called Kate and told her that Adela Trevelyan has passed away due to a heart attack. I know this is not easy for any of us and that's why we have nothing to say, but we need to be here for each other and for Theo, Grace, and Carrick. I'm sure they are more distraught than we are." I tell them sadly.

They all just nodded without saying a word.

Silence. Just utter silence fills the room. I'm sure if a pin dropped, you'd hear it. That's how silent it is between us.

I decide to take action and call Grace Grey. I take my phone out and put it on speaker, as it rings.

No answer.

We try giving a call one more time, but there is still no answer.

I'm just going to assume that they're too busy making arrangements or are in the air to Tennessee with urgency. We sit for a few more moments in silence, and then I decide it's best if we all just relax. Kate and Ellie decide to put on some pajamas and watch some Netflix.

I wanted tonight to be focused on Teddy, Alex, and cuddles with some television playing in the background. But, I guess that won't be happening. I excuse myself to my study and get started on what we will do when we get to Tennessee.

On my way to my study, I call Hannah and have her book us a place to stay and to schedule a spa day for my sisters while we're out there. I also tell her to order an array of rose arrangements for Adela's funeral service; I _only_ want the best for Adela. I hope Grace and Carrick won't mind; we are primarily showing up unannounced since our calls are not being answered.

 _I'm sure they won't._

As soon as I sit in my chair, everything comes out in the form of tears. I cry for Theo. I cry for Grace and Carrick, and I cry for my sisters and I. Such a beautiful, wonderful soul has departed this Earth, and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

The woman, the _one person_ who saved our lives and helped turned it around, is now _gone_ and she's _never_ coming back. I don't know how to cope with these feelings, just like how I didn't know how to cope with them years ago.

I cry for twenty minutes, then grab myself a glass of wine. I need to relax. I think about calling Grace again, but instead, I decide to call Carrick. But, just like earlier, there was no answer.

Taking a seat after taking a big gulp of wine, I turn on my laptop and begin to look up a couple of things to do in Tennessee for my family. I know for a fact that I want to spend a day at _his_ grave after all the funeral business. I'm also thinking maybe doing something fun for the kids; they deserve it. There's going to be a lot of tears shed, and we would need a little pick me up.

An hour and a half later, I leave my study and head to my room to change into pajamas. As I am passing the family room, I see Kate and Ellie sitting on the couch watching _Gossip Girl_. These girls and their drama-filled shows. _They love it._

After getting into my pajamas, I go in search of Alex and Teddy. I find them still in their playroom, playing with their iPads. They look so focused on what they're doing. I'm sure Alex is playing with a coloring app, and Teddy is playing Minecraft.

Teddy looks so much like his father. He is so focused with his little tongue slightly sticking out of his mouth and a "V" forming on his forehead. I decided to finally make my presence known, after watching them for a few moments.

"Hi, munchkins!"

Teddy is the first to look up. "Hi, mommy! Are you done with your meeting?"

I move some of the toys that surround Teddy, take a seat on the floor, and have him sit on my lap.

"Yes baby, mommy is done with her meeting. I'm sorry it took so long, but mommy is all yours and Alex's now." I move his copper-ish brown hair out of his face.

Alex finally acknowledges me. "Mommy! Look at this flower. I drew for you!"

She shows me a picture of what kind of looks like an orange flower.

"It looks beautiful baby, just like you!" I tell her and pinch her little nose.

"Thank you, mommy! It's pretty!" She giggles.

I tell her to come and sit in my lap, I watch as Teddy continues to build things on Minecraft, and Alex continues to draw some stick figures.

"Hey, why don't we clean up the playroom and go to mommy's room? We can lay down and watch tv. You guys can sleep with me tonight if you want? We have a flight coming up soon, so Ms. Harper will pack your clothes."

"Yes, mommy!" They say in unison and get to cleaning.

We spend about two hours just watching tv, playing go fish, and eating junk food. They deserve it since it's almost the weekend. I haven't been giving them too much attention since all this happened. So, I'm hoping a night in mommy's bed will suffice.

After our fun, I watch Teddy and Alex all cuddled up and lightly snoring. They must be so worn out, but watching them sleep is just so fascinating to me. I could watch them for hours, but then I become sleepy in the process.

I also know that I'll be able to get some sleep tonight because of these two. My nightmares cease to exist when I'm cuddled up with my munchkins. It's refreshing. If I could have them in my bed, sleeping with me all the time, I would. But, they're getting older, and I do love the fact that they're also able to sleep on their own without issue.

After such an emotional morning at the office, this is precisely what I need.

 _My kids._

I turn off the lights and snuggle closer to them, and then I'm out like a light.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile in Tennessee (Theo's study)**_

 _ **CPOV (Carrick)**_

"I received a called from Annie, but I ignored it," I say, walking into Theo's study while he gets up from his desk.

"Why didn't you answer? I'm sure they heard the news from Eamon and Claire." He says as he walks over to his mini bar and pulls out two snifter glasses and a bottle of aged whiskey.

"I thought we'd have a little meeting about it first before I call back. Gracie is on her way up here. This is something we need to discuss all together." I tell him as he hands me a snifter and we clink glasses, taking a drink. Just as we both take a seat, in walks Gracie in her _silk_ pajamas. She walks in and takes a seat next to me, looking tired as ever. She hasn't been getting much sleep, and the only time she would is after hours of crying for her mother.

 _I'd much rather be cuddling with her in bed while whispering sweet promises that everything will be okay and that all that has happened to her mother... is life._

I decide it's best that I start the conversation. "Theo, Annie has not only called me, but she's also called Grace twice. I told her not to answer as well." I say and look at my wife who hangs her head in shame.

"I was so happy that she called, but once I told Carrick, he told me to ignore all her calls for now. It made me feel… horrible, ashamed. I was there for Annie all those years ago. I saw how mom looked at her, how much she adored her. It kills me that she must be so hurt by all of this too. Adela saw those girls like they were her own daughters, and I wouldn't doubt they felt the same way about her…" She trails off.

I know this hurts her, hell, it hurts me. I adored and cared about those girls almost as much as my own kids. But, this also poses an issue. With Christian here in Tennessee, it is highly likely that the Kavanagh's will show up for the funeral service. We promised on _no reminders_ and him seeing them might just bring something up from his past that he may not want to face. Christian has been able to live a relatively _normal_ life without issue. He's bonded not only with me but with our whole family and close family friends. He's been able to make something of himself, and I couldn't be more proud.

"Grace, I know how you feel, and I'm sure Adela would not approve of those decisions we had to make and are still making, but Carrick is right. This needs to be discussed, and it's good you didn't answer the call. I'm sure by now, she's seen or heard about 'Christian Grey,' and it may have been years since they've possibly seen each other, but there's no doubt in my mind that they'd remember something about each other if they encountered. Way back when, they spent a lot of time together in Adela's garden, surprisingly. I could even say that back then, he was _smitten_ with her. He was one of the only people that she connected with. I was shocked. Sometimes I'd look out the window and watch her reading to him under the big tree." Theo explains to the both of us, and it proves how much more of a problem this might be.

"My point exactly. I will give Annie a call back tonight after this, and then I think it's best that we just ignore her calls from there on out. I understand that she might be calling with good intentions and _for_ Adela. But, I think it's best we don't engage any further. We need to think about Christian and how this might affect him. There are two ways that this could go…

"What if she remembers him and he doesn't? Although, if he doesn't act any alarming way towards her, and they can remain casual, friendly without issue... That would be great, easy, comfortable. We wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone.

But, what if remembers him and memories come rushing back? Then, he suddenly lashes out the same way he did when the Pierce's walked into that hospital room, and it'll just continue to go wrong from there. That would be much harder to explain." I take a sip of whiskey and look at my wife who seems so heartbroken by all of this. I grab her hand and give it a light kiss.

"Honey, I think it's best that we somehow prepare Christian for this. We should tell him that he will be seeing people that have touched Adela's life and that he doesn't have to engage if he chooses not to. We shouldn't let this experience overwhelm him. If he just wants to sit in the pews and be left there, let's not push him. He isn't obligated to mingle around with us." I explain and hope that both Theo and Grace take into full consideration what I'm telling them.

"You're right," Grace sighs heavily. "I think it's best we talk to Christian first and ask how he feels about being around _so_ many people. We all know how well-loved Adela was. Also, I think it wouldn't concern anyone as to why he isn't socializing. No one can fault anyone for that. We all know how hard it is for Christian to open up to people who _aren't_ family or those he's so accustomed to being around. We can't _force_ him to do anything. Maybe when he sees Anastasia at the funeral service, he won't react at all. In his mind, she could just be another person in the crowd who is there for Adela." She shrugs.

 _I can only hope._

"Then, I think it's settled. And between you, Theo, and I… I think it's best that we treat Annie and her family, if she brings them, just like we would the rest of those attending. We don't have to treat them as strangers, but let's try not to bring up the past. Let's try not to show any favoritism towards them, as hard as that is. Are you both okay with that?" I look at Theo first because I have a feeling he might disagree.

"I don't know if I can do that," he says. _I was right._ "But, I will try my hardest. You know how much I adored all three of those girls. Adela and I loved them like they were our own. We saw them when they were vulnerable and scared, but we also saw them begin to open up and become more social slowly. I can't just ignore those memories or feelings. I haven't seen them in years, but I've followed their success. I haven't interfered like I wanted to, but I would love to catch up with them, more so than I do with others." He explains, and I see the internal conflicts pass through his face.

 _This is hard for all of us, I hope he knows that._

"You know my feelings about this, Cary. I will try, but I can't say that I won't smother those girls with all my love when I see them. I saw those girls when they were beaten down, vulnerable and in such a state that no one would ever wish to see." I see her eyes water, and I set my snifter down and hug my wife.

"I know, Gracie, I know," I coo, trying to give her much comfort as I can. I know I'm asking a lot from these two, especially at a time like this. But, I needed them to understand how many ways this could possibly go wrong. "Why don't you head to bed now, honey? I'll just finish my drink and meet you there." I kiss her on her temple, and she just nods, saying goodnight to both Theo and me, and then walks out the door.

"I know how tough it is for her. I feel the same way." Theo says out loud as he finishes his whiskey. "I know we made a _vow_ all those years ago, but I fear that one day, it'll backfire on us. Christian may not like how we _made_ those decisions without him. We wanted him to live _his_ life on _his_ terms, but what are we doing keep all these things away from him? Threatening those who _want_ to have him in their lives? What does this make us?" He says as he stands up from his desk and goes towards the door, "it's just something to think about. It weighs on me, day in and day out. I don't regret having Christian as part of our family, but I'm starting to feel guilty with more secrets we're having to pile on…" he trails off and then leaves me alone in his study.

I'm now left alone nursing however much whiskey is left in my snifter and my thoughts. I understand where they are both coming from, I honestly do. But, I think they fail to see how much Christian has connected with our family, with _me._ I think they fail to understand the how much _damage_ the past can do to him. I _saw_ the initial reaction he had to the Pierce's, I _saw_ the fear in his eyes, and in that moment, I swore to myself that I'd never want to see that much fear in those gray eyes again. You can call it whatever you want, but in that moment, without a doubt, I realized how protective I was of him.

 _Like a father would be of his son._

I finish what's left of my whiskey and pull my phone out. I think it's time that I call Annie and let her know _exactly_ what's going on.

"Carrick," I hear her voice on the other line, and a small smile creeps up on my face. I haven't heard from her voice in so long, and it's good to hear it. She didn't talk much in the time that she spent here, in Tennessee, but when she did speak, we couldn't help but be happy.

"Hi Annie, how are you?"

"I've been well. It's been awhile since we've last spoke. We heard about Adela from mom and dad. We're so sorry for your loss, Carrick. Please extend that to Theo and Grace." I hear her voice crack. I know this is hard for her too. "We're actually heading out to Tennessee bright and early Saturday morning."

"Thank you, Annie. We're happy that you guys can come. I'm sure Theo would appreciate that."

"Of course! We wouldn't miss it for the world. Adela was our angel, our savior. It wouldn't sit right with us to _not_ attend."

"I get that. I'll email you the details of the funeral arrangements."

"Sounds great, we'll likely head straight there depending on the time. Look, I've got a question. Do you know anything about Chris-" I cut her off. I know exactly what she's about to ask.

She's going to ask me about Christian _Grey._ "I've got to go, Annie. It's late. I'll just see you tomorrow." I've got to shut this down right now.

"But, wait, I just want to know if-" I hang up. I knew she was always smart. I was always hopeful that she'd think or be convinced that all of this was up to coincidence.

 _Maybe I should have given her a chance to ask, so I could say something to erase that from her mind momentarily._

I know it's rude, but I've already told her that I have to go. I get up from my seat and set my snifter down. Heading out the door, I can't explain exactly how I feel about how tomorrow will go. My only hope is that it doesn't all go downhill. It's already going to be as emotional as is; we don't need to add to it with our past discretions coming to light.

Those girls have always been a joy to watch grow and be around, but now I fear that it may take a turn for the worse.

As I lay in bed next to Grace, who is sleeping soundly for the first time in days... I can't help but think about everything we talked about in Theo's study.

Am I going about this all wrong?

* * *

 **Oh, Carrick... What to do, what to do... ;)**

 **Huge and exciting news: My _amazing_ and _talented_ friend, Erica Marselas who is the author of _'Watching You'_ and _'Playing with Fire'_ is coming out with her next book, _Dirty Little Secrets_ on April 16th, 2018! (So close! I can almost taste it!) You can purchase all of _her_ books on _Amazon_! (You won't regret it!) ****PRE-ORDER for _Dirty Little Secrets_ are happening as we speak! And trust me, you don't want to miss out on all the fun ;) **

**As always, thank _you_ all for reading and don't forget to leave me a review!**

 **See you all next chapter update! x**


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